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dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?

604 replies

ioliverielinor · 24/08/2017 17:00

hiya,

just looking for views really. is this the new modern parenting? dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no. im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before, dd1 has 3 dc different genders and never had an issue buying them boys and girls items.

im not judging, but think its slightling strange? aibu?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Oysterbabe · 26/08/2017 10:34

Actually DD has some girly dinosaur bedding. They're all wearing bows to show it's for girls.

dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?
Cagliostro · 26/08/2017 10:37

There's a HUGE problem when a girl into dinosaurs is told that's for boys

Yep, this is DD's issue. She is 10 and wants to be a palaeontologist! My friend managed to find some actually-for-girls dinosaur pyjamas a while ago in John Lewis which are amazing. Not that it matters in a way - she also has other dinosaur clothing from boys' sections and she happily wears them - but it's the message you get, walking into the "wrong" part of the shop for your gender. It's telling you that you are not doing what normal girls do (even though DD is also really into fashion so wears a lot of "girly" stuff too). I'm glad it makes her annoyed though, she is growing up aware of this stuff.

And yes it works both ways with boys not being free to choose "girly" things. DS has chosen his cake for his 8th birthday and the neighbours were demanding to know why he's chosen a My Little Pony cake. Erm... because he likes it?! Confused Rainbow Dash is his favourite, he wasn't going to miss that opportunity!

One advert that DD really hates is the kinetic sand one, the boy makes something actiony and the girl makes a mermaid. She picked up on the difference before I did, and notices similar in lots of other toy adverts.

Cagliostro · 26/08/2017 10:39

Oyster I recently got some fab dinosaur baby clothes in Boots - green and navy. Then I realised there was also a pink vest with dinosaurs on it so I looked at that too. Those dinosaurs all had big eyelashes. Confused

Perfectly1mperfect · 26/08/2017 10:40

I couldn't believe the answers that the children on the programme answered with.

Things like 'men are in charge', 'women wash up'Shock

My son is early teens, my daughter is 8. I asked them some of the questions from the programme. They answered completely differently. I am a SAHM but they still know men and women are equal. They see us both cleaning, gardening, making decisions etc. My daughter wears 'girls clothes'. My son wears 'boys clothes' but they both know their gender doesn't mean they can do or can't do something. I have never said that to them, they just know that as I encourage them both to be confident.

I found it shocking that the kids on the programme had these views.

I do wonder if they had done this programme in a school in London, as opposed to the Isle of Wight, whether the answers from the kids would have been different.

Natsku · 26/08/2017 11:03

*But we don't see pink dinosaur pjs do we?
*

DD had a dinosaur shirt that was grey and pink, the dinosaur was the traditional kind (so not with big eyelashes or bows to make it a girl dinosaur). I genuinely couldn't tell if the shirt was supposed to be 'boys' or 'girls' (it was in the sale section which mixes all the clothes up together)

pollymere · 26/08/2017 11:49

My dd lived in white for the first few months with the odd bit of colour thrown in. She wore lots of boys jeans after that (easier to get on and far cheaper). The pink started to creep in when she was a year old. Not a conscious decision on my part, just the way things went. By aged two she was all pink dresses and dollies in a pushchair without any assistance in gender stereotypes. She also loved Thomas the Tank Engine. Now addicted to rare Barbies and unicorns.

Foniks · 26/08/2017 12:40

Ooh Natsku where was it from? It sounds quite nice.

It's so weird that clothes makers always think girls aren't into these things. Just really, really weird. It's like none of them have ever been around younger children or something or just can't remember anything about being a child. And these designs will be going through more than one person to agree with, it isnt just one person and others think like normal people.

Natsku · 26/08/2017 12:45

From Finland I'm afraid, not one of the brands that get abroad I don't think.

I loved dinosaurs when I was little!

MsPassepartout · 26/08/2017 15:57

DS1 loves butterflies.

I can't remember ever seeing an item of boys clothing with butterflies. All the butterfly clothes I've seen have been in the girl's section.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 26/08/2017 16:38

Rejecting the "girly" pyjamas because she presumably weirdly thinks butterflies are "girly"

So where are all the boys PJs with butterflies then?

You have completely missed the point. The poster rejected butterfly pyjamas because of an absurd value judgement that butterflies are girly (whilst no doubt patting herself on the back about how she is so cool in buying pyjamas with dinosaurs on for a girl)

Children's pyjamas are pyjamas- buy whatever pattern you like but don't impose ridiculous judgements like this poster.

There's nothing wrong with butterflies. And nothing wrong with dinosaurs. There's a HUGE problem when a girl into dinosaurs is told that's for boys (as I was repeatedly during my formative years. Or when a boy couldn't wear butterflies without being teased

Yet you still can't see how this is being perpetuated by this constant doing down of anything pink or flowery or butterflyish ( yes I know that isn't a word)

ChocolateRicecake · 26/08/2017 16:56

DD had a dinosaur shirt that was grey and pink, the dinosaur was the traditional kind (so not with big eyelashes or bows to make it a girl dinosaur). I genuinely couldn't tell if the shirt was supposed to be 'boys' or 'girls'

But that's exactly the point, surely? It shouldn't be aimed at girls OR boys, just kids.

I realise it was originally designed/marketed at one or other, but there lies the issue. I'd love to have a shop without the division and assumption.

Pennywhistle · 26/08/2017 17:15

I do agree about the colours, motifs but regarding a "shop without divisions" boys and girls clothes are cut differently.

My DC are twins. They are within an inch of each other in height and within a pound of each other in weight.

They largely cannot wear the same clothes.

DD can't wear his jeans because her hips are too wide.

DS can't wear her tshirts because his shoulders are too wide.

I'm all for less cutsie on one side and less macho on the other but boy shapes and girl shapes aren't interchangeable I don't think.

Lweji · 26/08/2017 17:20

I do agree about the colours, motifs but regarding a "shop without divisions" boys and girls clothes are cut differently.

But there's no need before they hit puberty, is there?

Yet, most young girl clothes are tighter and tops are way shorter. Even with cut shoulders, as I found out while shopping for niece. Just,why?

Anatidae · 26/08/2017 17:20

Depends how old your dts are - I sew a lot and the patterns aren't sex differentiated until 110 + - it's more likely you just have different shapes. Even indential twins aren't truly identical.

twinklestar2 · 26/08/2017 17:20

Oyster - I saw those ads too and they really annoyed me!!

Natsku · 26/08/2017 17:21

But that's exactly the point, surely? It shouldn't be aimed at girls OR boys, just kids

I realise it was originally designed/marketed at one or other, but there lies the issue. I'd love to have a shop without the division and assumption

Completely agree, that's why I liked the shirt so much, because you couldn't tell who it was aimed at which is rare once you get past the baby and toddler stage.

Pennywhistle · 26/08/2017 17:25

My twins are 9 years old so prepubescent.

Lweji · 26/08/2017 17:28

And you think your girl's hips are already like a woman's and his shoulders are wide as men's?

I have a nephew whose big arse would probably put your DD's hips to shame. :)

My DS is very lean and in no way with broad shoulders. Only now at 12 is his torso begining to widen.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 26/08/2017 17:40

I was very much raised girly, I have 5 brothers and it used to really piss me off when they got cool presents and exciting books and I was stuck with barbie, so I've tried really hard not to do that with my DC and yet DD is 8 and currently sat on her pretty pink computer chair, that she chose, wearing her sleeping beauty dress, that she bought herself at the school fair, and drawing pictures of my little pony (twilight). DS is 13 and out playing football with his mates. I think there are girls who like all the pretty pink girly crap and that they shouldn't be made to feel bad for that or their parents looked down on for not pushing them into gender neutral stuff either.

GreenTulips · 26/08/2017 17:42

Children's pyjamas are pyjamas- buy whatever pattern you like but don't impose ridiculous judgements like this poster.

I think you missed the point - it being the lack of choice and marketing towards either boys or girls but not both

You can like dinosaurs and still want girls PJs - But you can't buy them

Take my sister - mad into Goofy - all Goofy merchandise is aimed at boys - because girls aren't supposed to like Goofy - Girls ONLY like Minnie Mouse -

This was 35 years ago and nothing has changed

Pennywhistle · 26/08/2017 18:02

Lweji I was merely saying that for children of roughly the same weight and height he has classic narrow hips, and rounded bottom, v shaped torso and broader shoulders while she has a flat bottom, curved hips, a defined waist and narrower shoulders.

For two fit children who do the same amount of exercise and eat the same food he also has considerably more muscle mass than she does.

Now of course, that might just be differences between individuals but nevertheless she has a classic "female" shape and he has a classic "male" shape.

If there was only one aisle named "children's" I believe that you would need divide clothes in other ways according to body type.

Batteriesallgone · 26/08/2017 18:10

Baby clothes ought to be divided into tall and petite not girls and boys. Everyone I know moans about leg length on baby grows etc. Either too long or too short. But they aren't because makers don't actually give a shit about body shapes.

kastiekastie · 26/08/2017 18:19

lovely that you ask and are willing to consider other opinions, I know many mothers who do what they damn well please regardless!

catkind · 26/08/2017 19:49

DD (5) and DS (8) have both worn "girls" and "boys" trousers without issue. Girls trousers tend to be a more skintight kind of fit, but that has been equally the case on DS and DD.

"Girls'" tops often don't work for DD as she's long in the top half and quite broad in the shoulder - "boys'" tops are better, or "girls'" tunics/dresses often end up working as tops.

So I think fit is more about style (do you want tight or loose fit t-shirts?) and the shape of individual children.