Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?

604 replies

ioliverielinor · 24/08/2017 17:00

hiya,

just looking for views really. is this the new modern parenting? dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no. im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before, dd1 has 3 dc different genders and never had an issue buying them boys and girls items.

im not judging, but think its slightling strange? aibu?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Abbylee · 25/08/2017 22:37

Confrontations. I fought valiantly but spellcheck won.

gamba · 25/08/2017 22:43

Watch 'no more boys and girls' on bbc iplayer - then you'll understand that 'little' things can make a big difference

chicken2015 · 25/08/2017 23:38

I think everyone should watch the bbc documentary and then comment!

mumindoghouse · 26/08/2017 00:26

I think you have to go with Mum 2 be's wishes.
It's probably trendy but as a Mum of DSx2 I would've loved to buy some pink.
Thank the Lord for nieces!!

mumindoghouse · 26/08/2017 00:28

Oh and without gender neutral anything DS1 mad footballer with arty traits; DS2 performance art particular favourite dance (including ballet). We worry too much!

MontyPants · 26/08/2017 00:57

Lots of posts on here already but I can't not say something. I can't stand gender specific clothing. Why should we label our babies as boy=blue and girl=pink? I am pregnant with a boy. Personally, my favourite colour is black. I won't be labelling my baby with some old fashioned gender stereotype.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 26/08/2017 01:41

I dislike the undercurrent in some of this that 'girly stuff' is bad

I agree. And by way of example-

I recently bought my 1 year old DD some PJs - the choice was blue ones with dinosaurs or pale green with butterflies. Dinosaurs are so much cooler than butterflies

What a daft thing to say. In what meaningful way are dinosaurs "cooler" than butterflies? Both are pretty amazing and butterflies are still here, pollinating plants.

Anatidae · 26/08/2017 06:25

I dislike the undercurrent in some of this that 'girly stuff' is bad

That's point though. By labelling something as girly it's reduced in value. Its not that pink, or anything traditionally seen as feminine is actually bad, it's that once something is labelled as 'women's work/toys/clothes' it's trivialised. It's not that playing with dolls is bad, it's that girls are supposed to do it and boys aren't.

So care work (traditionally female) is paid poorly. Traditionally male roles are paid more. I'm pretty sure the decline in medical pay and conditions is linked to more women entering the profession. It's no longer an old boys club run like a guild.

By just letting pink be another colour, it takes it out of 'only for girls' and (horribly) means it's seen as for boys too and this is more important. It shouldn't be like that but it is.

sashh · 26/08/2017 07:01

dd1 has 3 dc different genders

This made me laugh

Natsku · 26/08/2017 09:04

And apparently still not in some UK schools.

Which is ridiculous. I'm so glad I didn't go to a school that made girls wear skirts as I would have hated it (have never liked wearing skirts, dresses I can live with on rare occasions but not skirts).
In schools over here trousers are encouraged for everyone (DD wore a dress once but hasn't chosen to since) as they're just more practical. Got a note home from school yesterday saying that the children all need to wear some 'outside trousers' (so over trousers or a separate pair of trousers and change into something else indoors) for outside playtime. One girl was, not exactly told off but told to wear different next time, because she was wearing thin leggings (that her mum had made her wear apparently) which just weren't warm enough or practical enough for outside play.

Lweji · 26/08/2017 09:16

butterflies are still here, pollinating plants.

Dinosaurs are too, wearing feathers.

BorisTrumpsHair · 26/08/2017 09:18

I think it's more "anti modern".

These days everything is so heavily gendered down the pink, bows, frills for girls and blue, tractors, dinosaurs fir boys.

What your dd is doing is rejecting this modern idea that children should be heavily gendered and stereotyped from birth - mostly driven by commercial enterprise. That is the nonsense. Your dd makes good sense.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 26/08/2017 09:20

That's point though. By labelling something as girly it's reduced in value

There are certainly a hell of a lot of posters on MN who fall over themselves to do that.

See the nonsensical post about dinosaurs being "cooler" than butterflies or the insistence that trousers are always sooo much better than dresses and skirts or the pride taken in boasting about how their daughters are not interested in what will be described as a variant of "girly, pink crap"

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 26/08/2017 09:25

butterflies are still here, pollinating plants

Dinosaurs are too, wearing feathers

You think that is what the poster who said "dinosaurs are way cooler" meant?

No- she was attempting to be "cool" rejecting the "girly" pyjamas because she presumably weirdly thinks butterflies are "girly". It is absurd.

heartstornastray · 26/08/2017 09:25

Butterflies are awesome. I bought butterfly duvet covers for my dgs.

OhTheRoses · 26/08/2017 09:34

Nhad the same discussion with my mother 20 odd years ago. Dd wore her brothers hand me downs but I couldn't resist buying her pink socks.

DS was naturally sporty, dd hated it and was hopeless at it. Same opportunities. DS is fab at art, dd isn't. Dd has focussed on singing for her excellent area.

Dd is the natural Mathematician.

Mother and I only really had one argument which was when I put my foot down and refused to let her buy dd a toy ironing board.

She 6 dd only wanted to wear pink. Still loves it at 19.

Your dc will be who they are. The trick in them becoming happy adults is in letting them be themselves and allowing them to be comfortable with who they are.

Lweji · 26/08/2017 09:39

You think that is what the poster who said "dinosaurs are way cooler" meant?

Don't be silly. I wasn't making any comments about what the pp said about dinosaurs in relation to butterflies.
I was correcting a statement about biology and dinosaurs. No other implications were written or meant.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 26/08/2017 09:47

Really? It comes across as a very cheap shot. You know perfectly well when references to dinosaurs are made on here it means the extinct variety not birds.

Lweji · 26/08/2017 09:51

It wasn't a shot. It was clarification. One that I always make when people mention that dinosaurs are extinct.
It's not my fault you're all worked up and are reading things that aren't there.

And it wasn't a shot, as I even agree with you that butterflies aren't more or less cool than dinosaurs (of the extinct kind).
Grin

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 26/08/2017 10:03

Yeah right. Your clarification had nothing to do with the point being discussed. I'm 100% sure the poster was not rejecting pyjamas with birds on them.

GreenTulips · 26/08/2017 10:07

rejecting the "girly" pyjamas because she presumably weirdly thinks butterflies are "girly"

So where are all the boys PJs with butterflies then?

Oysterbabe · 26/08/2017 10:11

These ads that run back to back are winding me up at the moment. Of course girls should just want to take pouting selfies and boys action shots. It's pretty obvious they are the girl and boy versions of the same product.

Anatidae · 26/08/2017 10:18

But we don't see pink dinosaur pjs do we? Or boys ones with butterflies on?

There's nothing wrong with butterflies. And nothing wrong with dinosaurs. There's a HUGE problem when a girl into dinosaurs is told that's for boys (as I was repeatedly during my formative years. Or when a boy couldn't wear butterflies without being teased.

As soon as something is labelled as 'for girls' it's restricted and devalued. By just trying to break that down a bit so that four year old boys aren't lambasted for dressing up as princesses, we hope to just make things a tiny bit better.

Trouser are better than dresses in many situations. For six months of the year my kid needs a full snowsuit to be out all day at daycare. I couldnt do that in a dress - both girls and boys need to be dressed appropriately for the weather (which means woolly undies, trousers, sweater etc.) I rarely see the girls at daycare dresses overly girly because they all want to be out running/climbing/sledging etc and parents dress them in stuff to withstand that.

PacificDogwod · 26/08/2017 10:32

It's about choice.
And how society does not allow a free choice.

I have nothing against pink.
I don't dislike navy blue.
I'd just like to have choice when I walk in to a shop to buy a new baby present. A choice.

And yes, how come it is more easily accepted that girls wear blue/play with 'boy toys' than the other way round?? Because girls' stuff is seen as passive/less empowering than boys' and that is because we (as a society) value traditionally female strengths and values less.

On the same Christmas I was given a nurse's play set, my brother got a doctor's (some 40 years ago). Both were white and red in colour - today they'd be pink and blue and the message would be rammed home even more Hmm