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AIBU?

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Original poster

dd is only going to use gender neutral stuff for her dd?

604 replies

ioliverielinor · 24/08/2017 17:00

hiya,

just looking for views really. is this the new modern parenting? dd2 is expecting a dd herself and has said she would only like gender neutral gifts, i was a bit upset because i think there are some lovely girls clothes, i said will she never put her in dresses, she says no. im a bit surprised really, but yet she is happy to have her hair long, etc.??

just curious if this is the norm now? i have never really heard of it before, dd1 has 3 dc different genders and never had an issue buying them boys and girls items.

im not judging, but think its slightling strange? aibu?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 25/08/2017 20:51

my dd1 wears what she wants, I used to dress her comfy when she was little! my dd2 wears hand me downs and I'll let her dress herself when she's old enough dd1 is very girly girl.

BeansandSausages · 25/08/2017 20:51

@anatidae claps hands

Lweji · 25/08/2017 20:51

It's only recently that women in trousers was 'ok.'

And apparently still not in some UK schools. Hmm

shabbyshibby · 25/08/2017 20:52

Re op, hair length isn't gender-specific. My ds had hair down to his bum until we cut it at 2 1/2 (because it was getting in his eyes). Dd, 2nd baby, wore lots of his hand-me-downs. She decided very much for herself just before she turned 2 that pink was her favourite colour despite having no pink toys & almost no pink clothes. She became the girliest girl in the world. Thankfully now at 4 her tastes have broadened a bit! But it was her choice. I imagine that your dd's dd will choose for herself too when she can & that her mum will respect that.

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 25/08/2017 20:52

I think girly things are cute but frilly whatever the colour I don't think is comfy I also think jeans on baby's are restricting

Jedimum1 · 25/08/2017 20:53

It's also that some people bring the "it's always been so" or *everybody does this" with no consideration for other cultures and with no knowledge beyond their own life experience and those in their peer group, very narrow vision.

BeansandSausages · 25/08/2017 20:53

I'm not used to this yet, ha! Actual clap hands, that is the best way to put it into words @anatidae

Op, so many beautiful clothes out there for both genders, have a good old Google!

famousfour · 25/08/2017 20:54

I think it might be the implication that unless it's pink and 'pretty' the girl child won't engage with it? (Pink Lego I'm looking at you...).

user1476641978 · 25/08/2017 21:00

It is the new thing yes. Like being gluten free, vegan or ordering coffee with 15 ingredients.

Anatidae · 25/08/2017 21:01

And special 'pink' versions of things give me the rage, and I can't quite articulate why since I am not a pink avoider.

Because it reduces the people it's aimed at. So lego is a great example. It's a brilliant toy, and it's aimed at everyone. But then someone brings out fucking lego friends hair salon and the subtext is 'nice girls don't want to build rocket ships and castles and houses and bridges. They're only interested in cafes and salons and ponies.'

It others the girls. It creates a separate area for them where there was no need for it. Because lego can be anything and by narrowing it down to pink you reduce the potential for creative play. It is so so bloody depressing.

ItsNotLit · 25/08/2017 21:04

I can't see any point going out of your way to dress DC in gender neutral clothing if the parents are wearing traditional female or male clothing or wearing make up etc.

I have never been into overly girlie (hate that word but can't think of the right one) clothing. I never wear heels or wear make up but I do wear skirts and dresses. What would the point be of me dressing a child in gender neutral clothes. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's more important to encourage your child to think for themselves and not be swayed by other people's opinions. My adult DDs may dress like 'girls' and wear sparkly makeup but I don't think it would have ever crossed their minds that they couldn't do something because they are 'female' just as it has never crossed my mind.

Turquoise0wl · 25/08/2017 21:23

@ItsNotLit - it's so they get the choice, without any kind of colour being forced on them.

ItsNotLit · 25/08/2017 21:32

Turquoise
^@ItsNotLit - you really have never seen that? You know, a dad being horrified that his son wants to be a fairy for a fancy dress party? It actually quite frequently boils down to the fact they'll be seen as 'feminine' and 'gay'. You really are pretending you've never seen that?

There is no need to be sarcastic and rude. I've four adult dc and I can honestly say I've never witnessed a dad or anyone else being horrified that a boy was dressing as a girl or doing something similarly feminine. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I just haven't. Maybe it's the people I hang out with. One of my sons did ballet for a while, not a single person said anything negative about it.

SunshineLollipopsRainbows25 · 25/08/2017 21:34

also whether your child is going to be gay, straight, lesbian, trans or anything else, you have no control over it whether you dress them in frilly, pink, blue or neutral clothing. they are who they are and they will be that person whether you like it or not once they can decide for themselves. my sister is a lesbian she grew up with all her friends being boys, short hair, boys clothes playing with action men, she's now a very girly lesbian.

NoPressureNoDiamonds · 25/08/2017 21:34

I recently bought my 1 year old DD some PJs - the choice was blue ones with dinosaurs or pale green with butterflies. Dinosaurs are so much cooler than butterflies so I got the dinosaur ones. She's a baby, who cares what gender clothes are 'meant' for. She has clothes of many different colours and styles and we shop in the 'boy' section as well as the 'girl' section. I think it's weird to divide kids stuff up so much. I also don't want her to watch adverts aimed at kids as I think they are too gendered.

GreenTulips · 25/08/2017 21:34

thought beige was the standard alternative to the typical pink and blue baby sets available

Unfortunately that's the way the clothing manufacturers think

What's wrong with green or yellow? Why not orange or red?

Why not pastel or bright stripes?

GreenTulips · 25/08/2017 21:35

When my twins were 8 months old DS had no dry babysuits for bed so I put him in a pink one of DDs - she was not happy he was wearing her suit - crying tugging at the suit

Kids know more than you realize

HollyWollyDooDah · 25/08/2017 21:41

I think it's all a bit strange.
I refuse to believe that dressing a baby girl as a girl and a boy as a boy will cause them to be some weirdly unconfident child
I always put my daughter in dresses when she was little.
Now she'd rather wear shorts and tshirt run around playing with whatever she's got. She does ballet - her choice
She pretty much dresses herself and we choose clothes together.

She has no problem with anything
She would rather wear a dress or skirt to school as she finds trousers too restrictive - again her choice

I think the best way to teach children confidence and independence is tonlet them be themselves and support them in what they want to do

That's how I've bought my daughter up anyway and she's doing just fine

She has the "girlie" Lego (presents from other people) and she builds whatever she feels like - normally a house or a farm with tractors and cars etc

Turquoise0wl · 25/08/2017 21:44

@ItsNotLit - why would they say anything about a boy doing ballet? Hmm

K1092902 · 25/08/2017 21:52

Personally believe it's all bollocks.

DD is 3 and already refuses to wear the clothes I choose for her. I took her to next last week and she picked out 2 dresses and a pair of glittery trainers. No input from me what so ever. I'm all for dresses for days out etc but hanging around the house it's a lot easier (and cheaper as she gets mucky easily) to put her in a t shirt and leggings- but nope, she likes her dresses.

She will play with her dolls as much as her LEGO- likewise she loves building a den in the garden with DH just as much as she loves getting her nails done by her big sisters.

lotbyname · 25/08/2017 22:09

Fyi We had a pediatrican do the 9m review for my son last week and she was APPALLED (in a nice way) that he didn't have a dolly. He now loves his long haired doll and really seems to enjoy doing the acting out activities with her.

I was desperate to avoid gender roles but it just hadn't occured to me to get him one. It goes beyond clothes

GreenTulips · 25/08/2017 22:11

already refuses to wear the clothes I choose for her

The whole thread is about a parents choice in dressing their new baby and asking DH (OP) not to buy pink frilly crap

Batteriesallgone · 25/08/2017 22:25

3 years is a long time of being able to choose your baby's clothes!

For those of us who've been through it it feels like it's flown by but if someone said to you when you were pregnant 'oh don't bother with such and such because in three years it will be different' you would have thought that really strange!

It's like saying who gives a toss about nappy brand because in 3 years they'll be toilet trained. Misses the point entirely.

K1092902 · 25/08/2017 22:27

Fine Green. A baby has no say. But if the OPs daughter thinks this is going to be the way for life-then she's living in a fantasy land.

Abbylee · 25/08/2017 22:36

Dresses vs pants is not the same as colors. I wrote a horribly looonnnggg post but dropped my device and luckily for you I lost it!

Our dd was a girly girly in pink until teens. She is a STEM at University. She was also subjected to unspeakably rotten cruelty bc she was tall and was better than many boys at sports. (Idk, she doesn't take after me). Her confidence suffered greatly bc if she was in any coeducational sport and ran faster, skated better or swam faster, the MOTHERs of the boys on either side were furious.

I had more frontations with mothers who felt that their boys were humiliated bc they lost to her than I can count. She has an older brother and grew up following him.

THAT is really an issue; not clothes, not toys from the toy box but things like boys can't lose to girls. Parental grievances and groups of mothers who didn't know that she was my daughter making plans for boys to "accidentally all fall on her."