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AIBU?

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Original poster

To request no kids on the wedding invites?

426 replies

Curlyhepburn · 24/08/2017 07:45

The wedding is a while off yet but just planning now and it occurred to me that I dont know how to go about it, we have 3 kids of our own between us, youngest will be 13 at the time and we are both clear on not wanting very young kids/babies.

I know this isnt always popular with families and I wondered if its reasonable to include a note of this in the info card to go out with the invites?
Am I being daft?

OP posts:
libbyb · 25/08/2017 20:23

I think that you are entitled to specify that your wedding is child free - if there's plenty of notice your friends can make arrangements for childcare - and possibly let their hair down for one night - some will not have the luxury of childcare and you will risk not having these friends with you on your wedding day. We watched a wedding from a cafe balcony in Brighton one Saturday a few years ago - all the guests were bright, beautiful, lithe and perfect - there were no old aunts and uncles, no mums snuggling their babies and not one granny or family member that was not physically perfect or in an inappropriate hat!! Look back at your perfect pictures with no babes in arms, toddlers looking enchanted and grans/granpa's and aunts and uncles smiling on proudly at the woman you have become!! All you will end up with is a perfect photo - but no memory of your all to normal family being there to wish you well anjd send you off to the perfect life that they all wish for you - good luck xx

daffodil10 · 25/08/2017 20:38
  1. People must be really thick if they read an invite to mr & mrs John smith and assume it includes kids. Surely it would say mr & Mrs John smith, james & Katie.
  2. New borns are not an exception, we went to our neighbours wedding when my daughter was 1 week old. She was bf so I left her with a friend, fed her before we went, expressed some and nipped back after dinner before the speeches. We stayed until early evening and left after the b & g first dance.

If people want to come they will. I had a child free wedding, it wouldn't enter my mind to take either of mine to a wedding.

LoniceraJaponica · 25/08/2017 20:54

"People must be really thick if they read an invite to mr & mrs John smith and assume it includes kids. Surely it would say mr & Mrs John smith, james & Katie."

How rude! Hmm

In our families an invitation to a wedding always includes children regardless of whether their names are on the invitation or not. It is the norm for us. Which is why it is always a good idea to make it clear who is invited and who isn't.

HTH

daffodil10 · 25/08/2017 20:59

Lonicera so if you had an invitation from outside your family you would instantly presume it meant children too ???Confusedeven if their names were not present ??

TigerDragonMonkey · 25/08/2017 21:01

Yes, be really clear that it's child free! last year we were invited to a wedding which we assumed was child free because the kids weren't mentioned on the invitation. When we turned up everyone else had children with them and the bride asked if we'd brought ours! We were happy for a child free evening ourselves, but it just goes to show it's important to specify either way, I think.

daffodil10 · 25/08/2017 21:04

Must be me then! I would never take mine if their names were not on the invitation. How presumptuous

Nancy91 · 25/08/2017 21:04

I would give the recipient some credit and assume they'll know that if a name isn't on the invitation then that person isn't invited. They can read.

NewRoadToHappinessxx · 25/08/2017 21:05

What about child bridesmaids / ring bearers etc obviousy they would have to be invited then you would I assume invite their brothers and sisters? If you invite little babies at what age do you draw the line - some mothers would be glad to attend a child free event when their baby is 5 months old others are still exclusively breast feeding.

Your children / baby not being invited is one thing but then turning up and seeing 'some' children there may lead to drunken accusations of you not liking their children.

Weddings are fun aren't they :)

LoniceraJaponica · 25/08/2017 21:12

"Lonicera so if you had an invitation from outside your family you would instantly presume it meant children too ???confusedeven if their names were not present ??"

In that case I would double check with the person who had invited us. However, that is academic as DD is 17 and quite capable of being left on her own.

It is abundantly clear from the many many posts on this thread that it does need to be spelled out who is invited and who isn't.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 25/08/2017 21:17

*What about child bridesmaids / ring bearers etc obviousy they would have to be invited then you would I assume invite their brothers and sisters?$

Assuming you have them. I wouldn't have wanted them at my wedding.

hooochycoo · 25/08/2017 21:24

I don't understand this sniggery sarcastic patronising tone! Not everyone understands this "only the sacred names on the invite" wedding code that people who are uncomfortable in their own choices use.

Just say " No Kids. Thanks"

daffodil10 · 25/08/2017 21:25

I had my god daughter and her sister who were 4 & 6. That was it without exception no others. At my brothers wedding I did a reading, but no one could hear because of the screaming toddler who's mother refused to remove her.

gingergenius · 25/08/2017 21:25

I work in the wedding industry. I have zero problems with kids at weddings. I have three of my own and always go out of my way to ensure both kids and parents of said kids are ok. Generally speaking, from my experience of over 300 weddings, it is the parent's of the kids who get the most stressed and who tend not to enjoy themselves.

Kids can be fabulous at weddings- even (or especially) when they're being quirky but a lot of parents would appreciate the option NOT to bring their kids. There's a lot of judgement on this issue and one size doesn't fit all. Your wedding, your rule. You never know, your parent-guests may thank you for 'giving them no option' giving them a valid reason to leave the kids at home, if they can!

NoPressureNoDiamonds · 25/08/2017 21:53

The babies and kids were the least annoying people at my wedding.

Boulshired · 25/08/2017 22:20

The last wedding I went to was meant to be child free but the couple made an exception for the child whose parents travelled from the states, he howled through the entire vows. But it was the grooms family who totally spoiled the wedding with a brawl, the police and a&e. If the could make a twee poem about not getting pissed it would be helpful.

SherbrookeFosterer · 25/08/2017 22:40

Your wedding, your rules.

But most people eventually regret stipulating no kids at their wedding.

daffodil10 · 25/08/2017 22:43

Sherbrooke expand why would you regret it???

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 25/08/2017 22:57

But most people eventually regret stipulating no kids at their wedding.

Nope, no regrets. It was a fantastic decision.

Maireadplastic · 25/08/2017 22:59

I've only been to three child-free weddings. All three couples regretted it and are now embarrassed when it comes up.
Best wedding ever- nannies for babies and entertainers for kids were supplied. Brilliant.

McTufty · 25/08/2017 23:50

But most people eventually regret stipulating no kids at their wedding

Bullshit

straighttalker · 26/08/2017 01:26

"I've only been to three child-free weddings. All three couples regretted it and are now embarrassed when it comes up."

Yeah, I call total bullshit to this.

I can see a scenario in which people are pleased and happy to have children at their wedding. Each to their own.

A scenario where someone knows multiple couples that are wracked with embarrassment and regret that they didn't have juniors there is quite frankly fantastical.

BlondeB83 · 26/08/2017 01:51

I also call bullshit!

eulmh · 26/08/2017 07:12

I don't get offended when asked not to bring my children in fact I don't take them anyway as my son is autistic and can't cope with those situations and my daughter is 2 and it wouldn't be a night off! But I've never understood why people request it, I didn't request it at my wedding (before I'd had kids) as in my mind it's not me tjat had to look after them it was no issue to me

LadyWithLapdog · 26/08/2017 07:16

Kids are fun at weddings. They play together and break the ice between separate tables who may otherwise not know each other. Anyone considerate will take them out during church or vows if they kick off. But obviously your choice.

Maireadplastic · 26/08/2017 07:50

To those calling bullshit:
I am friends with both the husband and wife of one couple, they now have three kids and at another wedding we all attended that had lots of kids (including our own) running around they said they wished they'd done it differently and revealed they had been under pressure from her father not to have 'squalling children' at their ceremony.
The second couple had an ice-cream van and sweets between the ceremony and reception and said later 'we should have had kids there, not a load of kidults'.
The third, I only really know the wife, apologised to me a couple of years after as she was finding it difficult to sort going to a child-free wedding without her BF child. She knew I had to do the same for hers and was slightly cross at the time for me having to leave so early.

You can call bullshit again, I've done my best.

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