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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To request no kids on the wedding invites?

426 replies

Curlyhepburn · 24/08/2017 07:45

The wedding is a while off yet but just planning now and it occurred to me that I dont know how to go about it, we have 3 kids of our own between us, youngest will be 13 at the time and we are both clear on not wanting very young kids/babies.

I know this isnt always popular with families and I wondered if its reasonable to include a note of this in the info card to go out with the invites?
Am I being daft?

OP posts:
StarHeartDiamond · 25/08/2017 09:52

I have no problem with child free weddings! In fact I think they are great. It's a good reason to pack the dcs off to the dgp and enjoy some adult conversation off duty 🙂

The only exception I might make is breast-fed young babies, and the family children (nieces/nephews) because they are family first, above being a guest.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 25/08/2017 10:06

Framing a wedding as an opportunity to enjoys yourselves is just crass. It implies your kids are an inconvenience

I agree. If it's the wedding of someone I really don't know well, I'd really rather stay at home with my dc tbh. Different if it's a close friend or immediate family; then we'll do whatever is possible to attend. In the case of an upcoming family wedding we have, that means we will bring dc (which I don't like doing very much). In another case it might mean we have to find childcare. Either way, it's fine, just a bit inconvenient, but that comes with the territory of parenting young dc. Things take a bit more organisation and expense sometimes.

I don't get the, "oh great, I get to dump my dc on the nearest relative! If I didn't have the excuse of a wedding, I'd never be able to convince anyone to babysit".

It's silly logic and I think it's become one of those silly little 'nudge nudge, wink wink', things people say to justify not inviting children; as if there's anything to justify! There isn't. It's fine. Just say no children and I doubt many people will mind one bit.

Blueberry1 · 25/08/2017 10:43

Your wedding, so you can decide, but you may find you have fewer guests as a result.

When I was a baby my dad's younger sister got married and said I wasn't welcome at the wedding. My parents said fine, if the baby can't come, we won't come either. In the end we all went and I believe I was well behaved as if I wasn't I'm sure my aunt would have mentioned it to me!!

brendani9 · 25/08/2017 10:55

Friends of mine just put "Sorry kids, but we'd like your parents to ourselves for the day".
Which I found fair (not having or wanting kids).
What irritates me is when mentioning mine and DP's not yet planned wedding (which won't have kids) a friend got uppity about not having any camping spaces provided cos, that's what gatherings are about.
Errrrrrrmmmmm...my farm my rules!
Just gotta be crystal with the wording OP, as you no doubt are aware.

BoysofMelody · 25/08/2017 11:05

We didn't have children at our wedding. Luckily the reception was at a venue that had a no under 18s policy (a pub), so we made it clear on the invite that this was the case and why. This was a bit of a cop out as we couldn't afford to accommodate everyone's children who we wanted to invite or want to turn the day into a crèche with children outnumbering adults.

We fully understood that some people wouldn't be able to come and were done with that.

confused123456 · 25/08/2017 11:12

It's up to you, you need to do what is right for you. But I do think the sooner you let people know, the better as then they can make necessary arrangements with regards childcare.
(Personally I'd never have said no children at my wedding, as I love children at weddings, but each to their own).

maddiemookins16mum · 25/08/2017 11:14

A recent wedding we went to had babes in arms only. Some of these babes in arms were strapping 18 month old toddlers who squawked, shouted and cried (and one ran up to the front as it's mother looked on adorably at her annoying toddler) throughout the service.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 25/08/2017 11:20

What irritates me is when mentioning mine and DP's not yet planned wedding (which won't have kids) a friend got uppity about not having any camping spaces provided cos, that's what gatherings are about.

This has got to be the strangest wedding guest demand request I've ever heard! Camping spaces? Why on earth would anyone expect that? People are so odd.

BoysofMelody · 25/08/2017 11:44

A recent wedding we went to had babes in arms only

Such an Ill defined description was asking for trouble.

McTufty · 25/08/2017 12:06

boysofmelody

I agree that babes in arms is vague, but strict cut off points such as 6 months or one year, and you always get people moaning "but my child was only 6 months and three weeks and they wouldn't let me bring him/her! Outrageous!"

BoysofMelody · 25/08/2017 12:11

Probably true mctufty, I think you need to have to say no children at all or allow all children.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 25/08/2017 12:11

I just would say no children at all, no exceptions. So much less messy.

I've been to one where my sil couldn't attend as nobody could watch her baby. The rest of us got to the wedding and there were loads of babies and children there. I don't know what happened there as the bride was quite a good friend of sil. Normally mild-mannered mil was a bit miffed.

brendani9 · 25/08/2017 12:52

I know, right?!

The1975 · 25/08/2017 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ttbb · 25/08/2017 14:39

Provided that you won't be getting offended when people cannot come.

mcg458 · 25/08/2017 17:27

The sooner the better, but it's true, there will be some who moan. Goes with the territory

Craigie · 25/08/2017 17:28

Do what you want, it's your wedding, just don't be offended if people don't come because of it. I wouldn't. Kids arsing around are literally the only thing to save most weddings from being as dull as dishwater.

xkatie27x · 25/08/2017 17:43

Kids are a pain at weddings, put the note in and make sure it's clear ☺️

valeview · 25/08/2017 17:44

No you are not being daft OR unreasonable. A wedding is a solemn declaration, not a party, and I do wish people would remember that! same with baptism, which seems to have turned into a circus these days too. I'm not even remotely religious, but I do believe these occasions should be treated with respect to the parties taking part, and as some parents just can't see that their dear children screaming and playing up during vows and stuff, spoil the whole damn thing for the people getting married! stick to your guns, and remember, the parents who kick up the most fuss will be the ones who think everyone should be as indulgent of their offspring as they are. Your day, do as you like, good luck to you..... can I come?

Eliyn · 25/08/2017 17:44

Your wedding your choice. I don't think anyone will blame you.

I don't agree that fake friends will make excuses because of it, people who don't have family close by and especially mothers with breastfed babies will not be able to come. Payed childcare can be too expensive as weddings are long and go into the night. So you might want to make exceptions for someone who is very close to you if they are in this situation.

lolalola19 · 25/08/2017 17:45

Your wedding - invite who you want, do not invite those that you do not want there - simple!

Nelly1727 · 25/08/2017 17:47

We did this at ours, no kids except nieces and nephews. I had one friend travelling 300 miles who called me to discuss as they had no options for childcare so I said she could bring hers. No one else minded at all. Although not many of my friends had kids at the time. We all now look forward to a wedding without kids as an opportunity for a night off. I would just make it clear in the invite.

Maireadplastic · 25/08/2017 17:48

Please be honest about it. I received an invitation that said 'neither the church nor reception venue can accommodate children'. Churches would never turn away children.

howthelightgetsin · 25/08/2017 17:48

I wouldn't go to a wedding where kids weren't invited but I wouldn't be offended, I just couldn't come. It's your wedding.
I feel like this is done to death though.

Wintersnow39 · 25/08/2017 17:55

We didn't have children to our wedding, fortunately most of our friends didnt have children at that time and the few that did was fine with it. If we do get an invitation to a wedding we don't take our children unless the bride and groom specifically ask us to take them. We all enjoy the rare opportunity to have a good night celebrating together child free.