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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To request no kids on the wedding invites?

426 replies

Curlyhepburn · 24/08/2017 07:45

The wedding is a while off yet but just planning now and it occurred to me that I dont know how to go about it, we have 3 kids of our own between us, youngest will be 13 at the time and we are both clear on not wanting very young kids/babies.

I know this isnt always popular with families and I wondered if its reasonable to include a note of this in the info card to go out with the invites?
Am I being daft?

OP posts:
expatparent · 25/08/2017 17:56

I said this at my wedding. I still remember one (at that time good) friend, with 3 small children RSVP-ing 48hrs before; "Thanks for the invite. We'd love to come, all 5 of us. Is it a sit down?' A few more (DH's workmates) brought teens on the day saying things like 'Oh we didn't think you meant it'. Moral of this is - decide in advance what you will do in such circumstances. I didn't and so close to the wedding I was too frazzled to fight.

BeyondThePage · 25/08/2017 18:03

We would not have gone if invited to weddings without kids - when the kids were young - they are teens now, so we would...

You get to invite who you like, so long as you remember it is an invitation - not a summons - so do not expect all those with kids to attend if not convenient.

Linzbe · 25/08/2017 18:03

We didn't invite children to our wedding (apart from my niece and 2 nephews) We added a note in with our invites saying something along the lines of ' unfortunately we are only able to invite children in our immediate family'
Our friends loved that they could have a night off away from the kids! 😀

Dumdedumdum · 25/08/2017 18:17

We just invited people by name, not including any children (other than one babe-in-arms). It was a small affair though, couldn't have fitted any in without losing adult family members.

clarkl2 · 25/08/2017 18:18

I was very clear that our day was adults only. I got married at 3pm and our 2 children were there and they came to the afternoon reception. However, they were then taken by friends for a sleepover around 7pm and we went onto the evening venue. Its your wedding at the end of the day do what you want x

Jojofjo44 · 25/08/2017 18:28

Even if you only name the invited people on the invitation you will still get people who expect to bring their children. I did a Facebook page for those on social media who were invited, stated clearly that only names on invitation would be invited due to numbers - this was true in our case, we had a package with very limited numbers.
Virtually every single family bar one with children responded with their kids as well.

user1483875094 · 25/08/2017 18:38

Love, some long years ago, we had a wedding, and we had paid for an organised " specialist" child minding company, who were utterly amazing!! We did this so that our guests could dump their screaming, poor bored kids. The ONLY person to rebel was my (a bit hateful) sister in law and I am sure she did it out of utter spite.)
Her poor two UTTERLY bored little boys - utterly ruined our wedding video... as the only thing that could be heard were those bored sacfreaming brats... (and she happily did nothing to sort it out!)

This is YOUR DAY. Do it like you mean it, love!!! You DON'T owe any one a free pass to shit behaviuour!! HAVE A WONDERFUL TIME. XXX

Zoejj77 · 25/08/2017 18:39

We did adults only at our wedding otherwise it would have bumped our numbers up by nearly 40 covers

BunsyGirl · 25/08/2017 18:43

I would never assume that my kids were invited to a wedding unless they were on the invite. When my DS1 was 11 months we were invited to a wedding and my parents were going to babysit him. Unfortunately my mum became terminally ill so my parents couldn't do it. I asked the bride whether he could attend and she said of course he could. I would never have done that under normal circumstances but there was no other option.

clarkl2 · 25/08/2017 18:50

@oysterbabe they cut the cord for a reason. No kids means no kids.

Shell4429 · 25/08/2017 18:51

Many years ago we were invited to my uncles wedding. Children were allowed at the wedding itself, but not the reception because the venue was small. I had a six week old baby at the time and was a bit disappointed but hey ho. Then we found out that my Aunt's one year old (his niece) had been allowed to go. Boy did that hurt. It was years ago now but still upsets me when I think about it. So if you do ban kids make sure it applies to everyone.

MotherofZeus · 25/08/2017 19:12

Hi you do need to add a note as many people just make assumptions. We didn't want any children inc babies at the wedding, so we worded it that we just ccoudlnt accommodate extras and we hoped the parents would enjoy the day / night off.
It was received ok but unpopular with some and several cancelled / dropped out last min / left early inc before the meal... so yes it's your wedding but just be prepared. :)

Wrongintherightway · 25/08/2017 19:22

Your wedding your rules! We had no kids at our wedding 15 years ago everyone was fine (only 1 person moaned) in fact the majority said they enjoyed it more because they didn't have the responsibility of looking after their kids.

Do what's best for you and hope you have an amazing wedding x

olbndansmummy · 25/08/2017 19:25

Definitely your wedding your way. We personally would have to decline, but only because we really don't have anyone to look after our dcs, but absolutely wouldn't be offended by an invitation that clearly stated no children. Hope your big day is everything you want it to be

Tazzauk · 25/08/2017 19:27

I stated no kids at ceremony but welcome to meal and reception.
It was abroad as well but everyone managed to get childcare for the hour-ish required.
Your day your 'rules' 😁

Hillingdon · 25/08/2017 19:28

I do wonder why we keep having the same threads and the same answers. Most people say invite who you want - its your wedding and some start to make assumptions. As in surely you are inviting babies. I have to say those are the worst. They cry and wail and the parents rarely decide quickly enough to take the child out. Vows being drowned out and people thinking its very cute for their little one to run down the aisle after the bride.

One serious wedding had one of the 3 year olds wandering around the alter whilst the parents looked on with pride and words of 'isn't he cute@.

Sorry, can you guess I had a small wedding with no children...

lazycrazyhazy · 25/08/2017 19:37

Our DD and SIL had babes in arms. This year they went to one where even they were excluded. So at least three sets of Grandparents we know of (including us) went to Italy to sit in a designated room with the babies so the mothers could come in and out to breast feed which I did think was a bit harsh. Very close friend so couldn't not go. We made a holiday of it but they must have lost guests. I think you have to be reasonable, if your crowd are early 30s and in full breeding mode you're going to ruffle a few feathers if you exclude even little babies, especially if it's abroad.

justlliloleme · 25/08/2017 19:39

It's your wedding do what you like.
I personally think weddings are a great time for all ages to get together & enjoy the celebration.
I've refused to go to weddings in the past because the couple have expressly said 'no kids' & that's their prerogative & it's mine to say no thank you.
Like I said it's your day x

dontbesillyhenry · 25/08/2017 19:51

Tigerfly your daughter is injured because she wasn't invited to a wedding? Bloody hell. Didn't feed her much about it did you?

fatimashortbread · 25/08/2017 19:56

Your choice - just give parents plenty of notice and the age limit (no under 12s?)

Springprim · 25/08/2017 20:08

Why do you not want children there? I would still go, but I really don't see the point in not having children there.

manicmij · 25/08/2017 20:16

No children, your wedding, no problem. If you have friends with say 16 year old and you don't mind them attending you can put name on invite. Otherwise you have to make it clear that only those on invite are invited.

YouCantArgueWithStupid · 25/08/2017 20:18

One of DHs friends said no kids but my DD was 3 months and breastfeeding and a bottle refuser so I couldn't have left her. We asked she said yes but I said several times I wouldn't be offended and DH would still come. TBH I was looking forward to a night alone holding the TV remote 😂

ridinglilli · 25/08/2017 20:19

No YANBU. Better to be clear from the start. We had an invite from a cousin for his wedding. Accepted invitation saying that my husband, daughter and I would love to come, only to be told "sorry no children" The thought hadn't even crossed my mind that no kids would be allowed as they already had their kids and my other cousins would likewise have theirs there. My daughter was only 2 or 3 at the time, she had not had a sleepover with anyone and the wedding was 150 miles away, so not one to go there and back in a day. Needless to say we didn't go in the end. Would have rather known before I'd accepted though.

jessebuni · 25/08/2017 20:19

Your wedding your choice. Definitely state this very clearly on the invitations perhaps by stating no children or plus ones/additional guests are invited unless specifically named in the invitation. The earlier the notice of no kids the better! If one of my friends sent my an invite that politely said no kids then I would have no problem with it. Fingers crossed I'd be able to sort childcare to still attend but I certainly wouldn't make her feel bad if I couldn't. Couples day. Couples choice.

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