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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to take my son to this event?

436 replies

ShadeOfRed · 23/08/2017 16:39

Ive name changed incase this is identifiable.

I have a 9yo DS. His dad and I split up when he was 6 months old, and he has been with his now wife since DS was 1. We all get on fairly well.

About 4 years ago, my son's stepmum started taking him to a martial arts class on a weekly basis. She also started having lessons herself so she could help him practice, which I obviously appreciate. I have never really been involved with it because it has very much been their 'thing' with DS and has always been done on their time with him. His stepmum takes him to 2 lessons a week and also practices at home with him. I should add that they have paid for all of this (I'm guessing actually his stepmum pays as she is the high earner).

Anyway, a few years later and it turns our DS is VERY good at this and has been invited to take place in a sort of showcase/tournament overseas in a city I have always wanted to visit. The event is on a weekend that DS is with me and my husband so I want us to take him and make a bit of a holiday out of it. We would also take my two younger daughters (who I have had with my current DH) and my mum who can babysit them when we watch the event.

When my ex told me the dates I said I would get back to him to let him know if we could swap weekends, and I have now let him know that actually DH and I will be taking DS. He has gotten really upset about it (apparently his wife, my son's stepmum, is in tears) as they wanted to be there to cheer him on. There are only 2 tickets allocated per child so we can't all go, and as well as we all get on I really wouldn't want to spend a whole 3 day even with them.

I honestly don't think I am doing anything wrong as it is my weekend with my DS and I am not obliged to swap. He has never competed in an event like this before and I think it's important for him to see his mum in the crowd cheering him on! But I mentioned this to my sister and she seems to think IABU and she has made me doubt myself. Should I be letting his dad and stepmum take him?

OP posts:

Friolero · 23/08/2017 17:09

Yes sorry, I think his dad and stepmum should go, not you, as they're the ones who have supported him and got him to this level. It seems like you're only interested now because it's in a nice city that you want to visit.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 23/08/2017 17:09

Can you all not go to the city and then let your Ex and SM go to the actual event. You and your now DH could meet up with everyone after the competition/display is over and get all of the information. I don't doubt that your DS will have lots to tell you about. You could then use the time that he is watching/taking part to see this city that you're wanting to visit but go and visit the attractions as an adult without having a child in tow.

Pigface1 · 23/08/2017 17:10

Very odd post. If you're genuine, YABU.

The stepmum is a very good and very generous stepmother. Your son is really lucky to have her in his life.

I don't think you care about 'cheering your son on' - you want to take a weekend away in a city you've always wanted to visit.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 23/08/2017 17:10

Meant to add - can you not get separate spectator tickets for this event? Pay for them separately and that would allow you all to be at the event if this is what you're interested in doing?

Scarftown · 23/08/2017 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CosmicPineapple · 23/08/2017 17:11

Sorry YABU.

The SM has supported and funded this for a few years and you have said honestly it does not interest you and you have let them get on with it.

Now hes reached a top event in a city YOU want to visit you feel its fair to step in and take him. I suspect had the event been in Halifax you would not be so keen

Do the right thing OP. Let the 2 peoe who have paid and supported your son attend the event they have all worked hard to get to.
Use that weekend to visit the city and meet with them later to catch up on the goings on.
I think its quite mean what you are doing.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 23/08/2017 17:12

I'm thinking reverse too but just is case you are being massively unreasonable. Step mum sounds really lovely, don't be a bitch and hijack their thing, it would be very unfair and I would imagine it might ruin the relationship you have with her/your ex

converseandjeans · 23/08/2017 17:12

YABU and should let them take him. It seems to be unanimous amongst everyone who has replied.

Ceto · 23/08/2017 17:12

I agree with everyone else. I would also suggest that it's in your DS's interest to have them there, because he will need moral support for such a big event, and people who understand the sport and have taken him to lessons etc will be much better fitted to provide that support.

mirren3 · 23/08/2017 17:13

Seriously? Stop acting like a spoilt madam and let the people who have done the activity with him go. It's a no brainer.
It doesn't turn out he's good at it, all the practice and attending training have helped too. YAsoBU.

meltingmarshmallows · 23/08/2017 17:14

It sounds like a great set up you all have. But YABVU. It would be such a shame to fall out over this, but I really do think it's their thing. Not only did they get him into it and support him with it, but it sounds as though they found the event. Arrange a different holiday for you all and let them enjoy this.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 23/08/2017 17:14

YABU and mean and selfish.

NotAgainYoda · 23/08/2017 17:16

It's a shame that this got reported to you as the stepmother crying and all that, because that's a bit emotional blackmaily BUT I think this is an opportunity for you to do something really nice for your son and SM by letting her go with him.

I really don't think this will be to your son's detriment. He knows you are his mum and support him

I don't think you are being massively unreasonable and you are not obiged to swap, but it would be nice for you to give them this

5rivers7hills · 23/08/2017 17:16

Sorry, I'm on the side of most other posters.

You are being really U and selfish - this is NOT your thing. You just want to visit the city, you don't care about the martial art.

Let your DH and step mum take him. Go to the city another time.

Thegirlwithnousername · 23/08/2017 17:17

titchy

If it was in the arse end of nowhere would you still want to go? Bet his SM would go though....

This exactly! VVU to want to take your son when Step mum is the one to do all the hard work and training and pay for it!

DressedCrab · 23/08/2017 17:17

YABVU. Let them have the tickets.

emsmum79 · 23/08/2017 17:17

Definitely BU. Totally agree with ok who suggest that you are more interested in the nice city the event happens to be in.
Develop another interest that is just for you and your son?
On another note, what does it mean when you say that the situation sounds like a reverse?

purpleflower23 · 23/08/2017 17:17

Sorry OP but have to echo what others have said - this is their thing, not yours. It's too late to muscle in now, I'm sure you know that you are being unreasonable.

5rivers7hills · 23/08/2017 17:18

Does your son even want you there if his dad and step mum aren't? Won't they be WAY more use and support to him? Won't he need their help?

you should ring up the ex and say "I've been n idiot, I;m sorry, of course you can take him"

Sunshinegirls · 23/08/2017 17:18

Yabu

Floralnomad · 23/08/2017 17:19

YABVU , it's their thing and you are trying to jump in on it when it starts to get exciting don't be so mean .

kittybiscuits · 23/08/2017 17:19

If it was me, I would probably want to go, but I just wouldn't be that selfish.

Merida83 · 23/08/2017 17:19

Sorry but YABVU and selfish and a bit thoughtless.
Have you even asked him who HE wants there?

purpleflower23 · 23/08/2017 17:20

emsmum79 - reverse means that the post is written from the other person's perspective so in this case the post would actually be written by the stepmum but sounding like it's not... I'm not really sure why people do it though?!

NotAgainYoda · 23/08/2017 17:21

yy Good point about 'arse end of nowhere'

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