.. To be furious at DH's ex Wife?

[SSDGM]

DH split up with the mother of his kids years before he met me. In fact he had another 10 year long relationship in between us. Now their youngest DD is 19 and in employment the time has come to sell the house (or her to buy him out) as agreed. However she's changed her mind and is pleading poverty. She's ignored solicitors letters and mediation requests or left any correspondence to the last minute and has said she's about to be out of a job due to illness. DH has had enough and has instructed solicitors that Mediation will not work and to go straight to court. She now wants him to just sign it all over to her and walk away.
I'm fuming because I have 2 now adult DS's from my first marriage and after their father and I split I made a point to ramp up my career to look after us all where she has just ignored the passing of time and can't now cope without the maintenance and tax credits she got before her DS/ my DSD was of age. I have a little nest egg put away for a house deposit and earn a decent salary. She has now said she will come after MY money and she will be given the house they shared by the courts because she's poorer than I am.
DH is self employed and earns less than I do.

AIBU to want to get involved? How dare she sit on her arse working part time for years after the kids were old enough to take care of themselves and then piss and moan it's unfair that we have a nice life and should give her everything. I've always been nice to her to keep the peace, but I'm losing patience. Why can't she just bugger off?

She's threatening to do something she can't do.

What are you so worked up about? Get it to court, get an order, enforce it, job done.

But she didn't have her finger up her arse, she paid the mortgage on the house and accepted a maintenance sum without going to the CSA which is no longer called that btw.

Cut your loss, accept defeat and buy that house for the man you love.

"Fuck me, I'm getting some responses that are a bit pissy."

Sorry ... I don't think the majority of us mean to sound that way.

It's just that you do seem to sound as if you really, really hate her and (especially if I'm right in my calculations that you and your husband got together only 4 years ago) that sounds like an awful lot of hatred to have built up in a very short space of time!

In touching a nerve I meant the ones accusing me of wanting to ruin this woman. I don't.

The figures are small. House bought for £35k in the mid 90s, be lucky in its current state to get £90k now. Interest only mortgage and an endowment and a secured loan for £10k about 10 years ago. He and I have been together for 4 years and married since Feb. His business did well last year but demand has slowed this year so he is currently paying himself half what he did this time last year.
He originally asked for his £4K deposit back and he would sign all over. Suddenly she forgot how to use a phone and reply to texts or solicitors letters.

For 4K I would definitely let it go. Solicitors fees alone will leave you with not very much left over. And you sound as though you've been sensible and got a good nest egg.

She can't touch your money.

Any reasonable judge will make an order in your DH's favour.

You don't need to "pay her off", just file.

All this for £4K? You will spend that much in solicitors letters before you get to court!

The point is, is it worth the stress?

So, years ago they took out an endowment mortgage on this property and paid the interest portion only until now, some of which she has paid alone for the past fourteen years.

When they divorced he agreed informally to let her stay in the house with the informal (i.e. Verbal agreement not set out in the divorce legalities) that when the youngest turned eighteen she would either sell the house or buy him out.

Now that time has arrived and she is not responding to mediation requests or solicitors letters but has instead said that he should walk away from this and just sign the house over to her.

On looking into this in more detail, it appears that the endowment falls short of the original loan and as such there would be money due on the endowment not money to be paid to either party.

Meanwhile, you are married and are afraid that she is going to come after your savings as per her statement to you recently.

Now here's the thing. If there was no proper consent order at the time of the divorce, then the amounts due on the house will be the amounts as they are now. Do bear in mind there was a case recently where the ex of some rich businessman went after his assets several years after their divorce and won due to the absence of a consent order.

If there was an amount due on the house i.e. If the house had equity in it then you as a couple would stand to jointly benefit from that if he went for 50% of the value as he has claimed to want to do. As married persons you would be entitled to half of his assets, and half of his assets would include 50% of the value of that house in the event of its sale.

However, if the endowment is still unpaid and falls short of the original loan, then any equity will go first and foremost towards settling that loan before any further equity is released. Added to which, the payment on the endowment will be calculated based on the full endowment, not just on the balance over the past fourteen years. So if the endowment stands at (for instance) £100000 and has been running for twenty years, the first six years would already be calculated jointly due to the fact the couple lived in the house together during that time. If then there is no consent order in place then the rest will be calculated jointly as well, so he stands to owe £50000 on the endowment before any division of equity is even considered. If the equity in the house is less than is owed on the endowment, then he wouldn't stand to gain anything financially, but instead would owe 50% of any shortfall on the endowment, and as his spouse, you would be jointly eligible for that debt. As such she is right in that the courts may well come after your assets due to the fact that you are married to him. The same would not apply to her partner as they are not married.

He needs to seek proper legal advice, but that should also include a valuation of the property vs the endowment, because if she is talking about him walking away now that may well be in both of your best interests, and she may well not be in a position to repay the endowment at this time hence why she is stalling.

Be careful what you wish for.

Reassure your stepdaughter that she has a room in your house if she wants it, and then encourage your husband to take this to court

Maybe she would prefer to live with her mum, like she's always done?

OP - who has actually paid the mortgage for the last 15 years? And maintenance costs of the house?

Suddenly she forgot how to use a phone and reply to texts or solicitors letters.

It doesn't MATTER. Take it to court.

What a bloody peculiar thread.

I'd be livid too OP, this is exactly what my DH's ex did - thank God they were never married.

She has had all the "income" for 15 years, which you can estimate as what the house would have cost to rent less the mortgage and maintenance she's put into it.
Firesuit- It's really not that clear cut though when there are children in the equation. HIS children.
If you're looking at what it would cost to rent the house, as part of the equation, you could argue that she is unfairly burdening the cost of having to house the children on her own, and all the associated higher costs of a larger property, utility bills, home maintenance, council tax etc etc.
It would be interesting to know what child maintenance exH paid through the years

I don't see how you can come to that conclusion Serf.

I would strongly recommend that the OP let it drop. I understand that her husband may not be able to sign up to a joint mortgage for their new property together. If this is the case then can't the husband speak to the mortgage company?

Which conclusion Elendon?

I understand your anger at ex wife. I'd save half your anger for your dh and his seemingly useless solicitor/s though.
Your dh should have continued to make mortgage payments direct to the mortgage company rather than via her and just generally ensured he was protecting himself at all times. The solicitors should have advised on this too and ensured all was tied up in the divorce. It doesn't sound like they are particularly great letting things drag on now either.

With those figures and bearing in mind it is an interest only mortgage with endowment when is the endowment going to pay out? My worry is the shortfall element. You DH could be expected to pay the shortfall.

Does he recall who the mortgage and endowment are with? It would be worth his asking for up to date statements for both and a projection of what is likely to be paid by way of endowment. Also if the endowment was missold then he/she may have a claim that will cover the shortfall anyway.

When I divorced my ex took on one endowment policy and I took on the second one we had (after moving house twice and having 2 policies). I cashed mine in straightaway. Although there was a predicted shortfall bonuses meant that the one he retained did cover his new mortgage (as we redeemed our existing joint mortgage before divorce!) He also managed a successful claim for being missold this mortgage/policy anyway.

If there is no shortfall then it would be worth getting the property transferred into just her name and not fighting for the deposit even.

A friend's costs for fighting over assets and going to a full hearing was over £40K. She was the one trying to sort it with her exDH burying his head!

I would just take steps to walk away as regards the house but fear she may still have a claim on his pension. If you can sort the house I might take the risk she doesn't realise about the pension. However it would remain at risk and she may be advised at some point that she does have a claim against it (and any other assets including future inheritances/lottery wins etc which no doubt she'd find out about because of the kids).

It doesn't really sound as though his solicitor is advising properly. If you want to pm which area you're in I may be able to suggest a good family lawyer.

"It is possible that even 10% might be unfair let alone 25% depending on the above."

Was going to say this ^ might well be true, but having read your most recent post re the figures, I think he may get even less than 10% / 9k and I think he could spend £££££ doing it!!!

"The figures are small."

Having read your most recent post I think he should get his solicitor to draw up an offer. I think he should offer to walk away, give up any interest he has in the house, if she takes over all debt attached to the house.

He could even ask his solicitor to try and get her to relinquish any claim she has on his pension, as part of the deal, however I suspect as self-employed with low-earnings, he doesn't have a pension in place, but perhaps a good idea to have her relinquish all future claims (to protect you).

Your OH does need to be very sure of the true financial position before he finalises anything so he should make sure he has an up to date valuation of the house, the mortgage, the endowment policy and any pensions as an absolute step one. Only then can you reach a sensible conclusion as to what is at stake here.

Assuming that there really is only £4k at stake, I can tell you now that £4k will be eaten up in legal fees before you ever get to court. It could easily cost £20k if adversarial.

So the £4k of value is not really there. There is also the ongoing issue of maintenance and, as you say, the need to move on with your lives.

if it were me and these numbers were involved I'd get a better solicitor and give her the house in exchange for a clean break (possibly with some maintenance for the DD only for another couple of years). Do it by agreement and get that registered at court. That is the way to finish the financial intertwining for ever.

She will not have a claim on your own capital but your joint incomes would be taken into account by the court in any financial settlement. However, all that is irrelevant if you just lodge an agreement at court.

Surely if DP is on the mortgage still (and this prevents him from buying somewhere with OP) then his contributions to the household above CMS have been used towards the mortgage? So he has been paying?

I'd probably let it go since he's likely to only get £4k, but he should get off that mortgage so he's free to buy something else should he choose too.

Maintenance costs on the house - it's not been changed since he left and is now wrecked by house cats. My eldest stepdaughter doesn't allow her children there because of the state of it. The £10k loan she took out for work on the roof got spent elsewhere.
I'm confused about endowments as my mortgage was a repayment but from what I know about my parent's it covered the initial price of the house which they paid interest only on and then when the endowment matured there was enough in there to pay off that initial amount plus some left over. Is that not right?
The shortfall is £3k is. Not much. So even with minimum equity it's easily covered.

BUT.
My whole reason for posting was the complete foot dragging that is going on. My frustration is the fact that I want to move forward. Yes, DH was a bellend but DH wasn't half the man when he was younger than he is now and admitted he did a lot of stuff for an easy life. He now knows that the easy life then needs paying for now. The whole point is she has once again reverted to Type and is threatening my future with her lack of foresight. God forbid he could be happy.

Sorry, bold doesn't seem to be working for me!

"She can't touch your money." you can't know that. If there was no financial settlement at the time of the divorce then she may well be able to come after 50% of his assets as they are now, and given he is married to the OP those assets will include things like the marital home if they owned one, any other financial assets including savings etc.

For the sake of £4K this isn't a battle worth fighting. They would pay more than that in solicitors fees at any rate.

So the £4k of value is not really there. There is also the ongoing issue of maintenance and, as you say, the need to move on with your lives. If it were me and these numbers were involved I'd get a better solicitor and give her the house in exchange for a clean break (possibly with some maintenance for the DD only for another couple of years). Do it by agreement and get that registered at court. That is the way to finish the financial intertwining for ever.

I agree with giving her the house for the clean break plan.

However, since DD is 19 and a working adult, the maintenance should go directly to her, not her mother. Then if she wants to give some or all to her mum (as nominal rent) she's free to do that.

At some point, DD's mum is going to have to stand on her own two feet, otherwise where does it end? He can't support her forever.