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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

.. To be furious at DH's ex Wife?

517 replies

SSDGM · 23/08/2017 13:03

DH split up with the mother of his kids years before he met me. In fact he had another 10 year long relationship in between us. Now their youngest DD is 19 and in employment the time has come to sell the house (or her to buy him out) as agreed. However she's changed her mind and is pleading poverty. She's ignored solicitors letters and mediation requests or left any correspondence to the last minute and has said she's about to be out of a job due to illness. DH has had enough and has instructed solicitors that Mediation will not work and to go straight to court. She now wants him to just sign it all over to her and walk away.
I'm fuming because I have 2 now adult DS's from my first marriage and after their father and I split I made a point to ramp up my career to look after us all where she has just ignored the passing of time and can't now cope without the maintenance and tax credits she got before her DS/ my DSD was of age. I have a little nest egg put away for a house deposit and earn a decent salary. She has now said she will come after MY money and she will be given the house they shared by the courts because she's poorer than I am.
DH is self employed and earns less than I do.

AIBU to want to get involved? How dare she sit on her arse working part time for years after the kids were old enough to take care of themselves and then piss and moan it's unfair that we have a nice life and should give her everything. I've always been nice to her to keep the peace, but I'm losing patience. Why can't she just bugger off?

OP posts:
Zzelda · 06/06/2021 09:44

she's refusing to show DH the mortgage/ endowment statement "because they have her bank details on it"

If the mortgage is in his name also, he must be entitled to statements direct from the mortgage provider.

Womendohavevaginasnick · 06/06/2021 09:58

If you just need him off the mortgage so he can buy with you, why not just sign it over to his kids?

SoupDragon · 06/06/2021 10:32

This is from 2017!

SparklingStars10 · 06/06/2021 10:37

Was she working part-time to facilitate school hours? Was childcare split 50/50?
You shouldn’t be getting involved, it’s his and his wife’s money. The only reason you are pushing this so much is because you want the money for yourself too? Am I right?

C0nstance · 06/06/2021 10:44

He was a liability.
I will say though it's easier to l3an in to a career when there are two parents at home and a judge should take that in to account.

Im not saying i dont see your frustration though. Id rather put down roots in my own small place than have an x chivvying me to sell up a larger place.

I walked away from a mad man with nothing except debts so i have not been in this situation. I do know it took me years to get back in to the wprk place properly though because of the lack of support.

Go to court though, let the judge deal with it.

Womendohavevaginasnick · 06/06/2021 11:00

@SoupDragon

This is from 2017!
Omg I didn't notice 🤣 so many zombies lately 🤣
SoupDragon · 06/06/2021 11:03

I know - it's like the Walking Dead!

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 06/06/2021 11:13

My friend got stitched up by her DH’s ex (who left him for another man long before he met my friend). Very similar circumstances to yours. My friend lost a lot of very hard-earned money.

Please get a better lawyer! Can you get recommendations from friends or relatives?

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 06/06/2021 11:15

I know - it's like the Walking Dead!
Damn! I didn’t notice. But it’s still useful information for someone in a similar predicament.

slashlover · 06/06/2021 11:22

Why do people bump zombie threads? If you wanted to know then you could have just PMed @DrSbaitso

HotChocolateLover · 06/06/2021 11:34

I do wonder if this got sorted though?!! Fingers crossed. Sounds so much like the situation my husband and I were In with his ex and it’s galling.

DrSbaitso · 06/06/2021 11:43

@slashlover

Why do people bump zombie threads? If you wanted to know then you could have just PMed *@DrSbaitso*
Honestly, that didn't occur to me. If it had, I think I'd have thought it was creepy. If it were me, I'd personally prefer to be asked on the thread I'd chosen to make public. Feels less intrusive somehow.
NeverDropYourMoonCup · 06/06/2021 12:09

@SSDGM

DingDong: That's exactly our next move.

We don't know what the illness is, but she's always ill. She is never well. She makes up stories that she can't see the grandkids as she is "radioactive" after having a scan or she can't babysit as the grandkids will give her "germs". She definitely does not have cancer, btw. If she was so bothered about germs she wouldn't let the cats shit all over the house.(going to stop that now, I'm trying not be too much of a bitch regardless of temptation).

She works as a Dr's receptionist and has been told if she goes off sick any more she will be fired (told to us by DH's eldest) and now she does have this actual mystery illness she is saying she will definitely lose her job.

That's an autoimmune disease, most likely. The bone scan was genuine (I've had one and been told to avoid people for the next couple of days as I'd be mildly radioactive - and not to book any flights to the US as they'd be a bit disturbed by it). The medications are designed to reduce the activity of the immune system and can make you very vulnerable to infection. And, most annoying of all, for all the side effects and risks, there's no guarantee that any of them will work enough for you to be able to function as a normal human being.
NeverDropYourMoonCup · 06/06/2021 12:10

Fuck's sake. The app didn't show the end of the thread and the dates are too small to read. Bastard app.

Wowwe · 06/06/2021 12:31

It’s really nothing to do with you is it?

If you have a nice life and savings etc the. Why don’t you just let her have the house? His daughter is still living there after all.
And then you have nothing to worry about.
This is all they’ve got

WilsonMilson · 06/06/2021 12:32

Sorry, did the financials not get sorted out in the divorce? That’s fucking crazy. If an Order gave her living rights to a jointly owned house until youngest left school, it would be easily enforceable.
The way I’m reading it is that they didn’t sort any of this out in the divorce? I’m sorry but that’s just madness and I wouldn’t have married a man who still had an unfinished financial relationship with his ex wife. Lunacy.

WilsonMilson · 06/06/2021 12:34

Jeez, got caught out in a zombie threat again. Why does this keep happening recently?

DrSbaitso · 06/06/2021 12:36

In this case, because something happened in RL to remind me of this thread and I wondered what happened in the end. The mortgage term will be up by now.

I did ask forgiveness. I've never bumped a zombie before.

OrchestraOfWankery · 06/06/2021 12:54

Having a very lazy day, and have read all the threads started by OP on this interesting topic.
I too would love an update!

Geriatric1234 · 06/06/2021 13:15

@SSDGM I have firsthand experience of this so please do the following:

1- DO NOT send ANY (rather don’t let DH send any as you should not be communicating with her at all) messages/emails that sound angry. Imagine them read out in court.

2- play the long game. Don’t expect instant gratification and scream into a pillow before you react.

3- if she declines mediation (keep offering this) she won’t do well in court so it actually works out well for you.

4- if he is on deeds and hasn’t already get solicitor to immediately register property as tenants in common (not join tenants). This will force mediation as it closes avenues for her.

It took 18 months for my situation to be resolved but it was worth it.

Good luck. X

PS- “SSDGM”....MFM fan? X

NotATreacleTart · 06/06/2021 13:31

@Geriatric1234 that is why this thread sticks in my head, I love MFM! Every time I wear a dress with pockets I laugh aloud.

But yes @SSDGM if you are still around to update it would be nice to have some closure, and also a confirmation as to whether you do listen to MFM.

SoupDragon · 06/06/2021 13:47

play the long game

The very, VERY long game 🤣🤣

ARealHoliday · 06/06/2021 13:53

I know it’s a zombie thread, but if anyone reads this for advice, I don’t understand the vitriol towards @SSDGM
I would have said after not accepting you only wanted £4K out of the house, then I would honour the divorce agreement and go for 50% of the sale.

Geriatric1234 · 06/06/2021 13:55

@SoupDragon Just saw date and now I am MORTIFIED 🤣 Damn zombie threads!! They always get me!!

@NotATreacleTart Same!! 🤣 x

KatherineJaneway · 06/06/2021 15:12

@Geriatric1234

OP was posted in 2017 so assumed things have moved on by now