.. To be furious at DH's ex Wife?

[SSDGM]

DH split up with the mother of his kids years before he met me. In fact he had another 10 year long relationship in between us. Now their youngest DD is 19 and in employment the time has come to sell the house (or her to buy him out) as agreed. However she's changed her mind and is pleading poverty. She's ignored solicitors letters and mediation requests or left any correspondence to the last minute and has said she's about to be out of a job due to illness. DH has had enough and has instructed solicitors that Mediation will not work and to go straight to court. She now wants him to just sign it all over to her and walk away.
I'm fuming because I have 2 now adult DS's from my first marriage and after their father and I split I made a point to ramp up my career to look after us all where she has just ignored the passing of time and can't now cope without the maintenance and tax credits she got before her DS/ my DSD was of age. I have a little nest egg put away for a house deposit and earn a decent salary. She has now said she will come after MY money and she will be given the house they shared by the courts because she's poorer than I am.
DH is self employed and earns less than I do.

AIBU to want to get involved? How dare she sit on her arse working part time for years after the kids were old enough to take care of themselves and then piss and moan it's unfair that we have a nice life and should give her everything. I've always been nice to her to keep the peace, but I'm losing patience. Why can't she just bugger off?

I agree. Even if you walk away from this nd get nothing , you can alwas be satisfied with the knowledge that she will always be a class A loser.

Yes of course anyone not leaping to the "OMG hun, she's scummy" position MUST of course be an EXW "projecting" about something or other 🙄

Whereas OP, the exW is a disgrace useless human being. And how dare she said she was after your saving? Sounds like the worst type of system playing scum. is the kind of cool, measured pragmatism we should all aspire to 🙄🙄🙄🙄

Of course, she's that worst type of scum - the type that retains primary responsibility for the children after a marriage break down.

Cos I'm willing to bet that even if the OP's husband maintained regular and frequent contact (and to be fair, it sounds like he did) that it was the XW who had the kids living with her, who had to fit her work (and earnings) around them.

well she did CHOOSE to have kids and all that goes with it......so if she chooses to go after his pension or OP's money then she's just a gold digger.

Burn her, burn her!!

Lineys

You proper made me laugh there!

I would really, really love to hear the XW's version of events here. It is of course possible that she is just a greedy, gold digging bitch who has been playing the long game for 14 years and is now cackling in her £90k castle and thinking how she can finish her attack to leave this man bled completely white. It is also possible that she, like the husband, has been ignoring the situation for as long as it suited her for an easy life, and now she's protecting her interests just as OP and husband should be protecting theirs.

I don't know. I'd want to hear her side of things anyway. Retaining primary responsibility of the children after a divorce isn't really the easy path to riches and glory that HeebieJeebies some people think it is. So if that was her plan, she was taking quite a risk.

Before you do anything your husband needs to have full information, that is

1. How much is remaining on the mortgage?
2. Does the endowment policy even still exist or was it cashed in early? If so, what is the projected value and is there likely to be a shortfall?
3. Are there any other charges on the house - it might show these on the land registry deeds which you can download for £3, I'm not sure.

When he has the complete picture he can decide what options are available to him and how to move forward.

Also stop pestering his ExW for this information. I believe your husband is over the age of consent and of sound mind and so can contact the companies himself for this info?

It's odd that she had a £10k loan, secured on the house, some twats ago, to get the roof fixed - but apparently didn't get the roof fixed. That seems quite a lot for a house worth £90k (and presumably less when the loan was taken) - I'd expect a whole new roof for that, so is she now living in a tumble-down damp mess? If so, surely the sale value is vastly reduced?

Retaining primary responsibility of the children after a divorce isn't really the easy path to riches and glory that HeebieJeebies some people think it is

It's pretty obvious that in THIS case the ex believes exactly that!
She knows that as long as his name is on the mortgage he is also responsible for any fuck ups.
Which is why she wants it all signed over to her but they pay the costs
Which is why she took out a 10k loan that she had no intention of spending on the roof
Which is why she's waited til her youngest turns 18, so now she can claim she's unfit to work.

She's blatantly playing a game and needs to be called on it.

Called on it by whom? It's unlikely she's reading this thread, so no 'calling' from anyone here is going to do anything of use, and neither DH nor OP are going to benefit from doing it because it will make sod all difference to anyone's legal position.

Definitely agree about getting a look at the Land Registry entry. It doesn't take long either, a few days I think?

Land registry search was one thing the solicitor HAS done. There are 3 charges. 1 by the mortgage company, one by the local council which is the loan she took out for the improvements and another by some lord or other who has a charge on all the properties in the area due to some medieval law but doesn't mean he has any claim on the property.

Well that's a relief anyway. Was it recent?

The search? Yes, in the last couple of months.

Forgive me for bumping a zombie, but I remember this thread and for various reasons was thinking about it...surprised I found it! @SSDGM, may I ask how it panned out in the end? Well for all, I hope.

yes how did you get on.

OP, you said in an earlier post that the mortgage was on an interest only basis and that your DH hasn't been paying anything towards it? Has he never paid anything towards the mortgage or the upkeep in the 15 years since they split up?
If this is the case, then perhaps (morally at least) he shouldn't be entitled to 50% now? When was the house first bought? We really need to know more of the financial details and original price and value now, to properly decide if your DH is being reasonable, given his lack of financial responsibility since their separation.
Also, if the mortgage is on an interest only basis, then the whole amount borrowed originally, will need to be back. If the endowment aspect doesn't cover the amount borrowed, then the situation becomes even more complicated.
Depending on where abouts in the country the house is, the value of the house now should, if sold, cover the shortfall. If in the South then the house will have gained alot in value, elsewhere, not so much probably.

There's a bit of an update here

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_matters/3204969-DHs-Ex-now-refusing-to-make-an-offer

Think this one is first

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_matters/3171769-Husbands-ex-lies-on-Form-E

Zombie- but yes crikey I remember this thread! Not much of an update in the two threads linked above - OP, wherever you are I hope you got it resolved

Is your husbands name on the register for the house? If yes apply for a restriction to be put on the register so he must be notified if a new charge is put on or the house is sold.

Arrrg! Zombie!

Read through most of this and only just looked at the date. Dammit, now I'd really love an update from the OP! @SSDGM - in case you're still around! Hope it's all resolved, anyway!

My BIL and his wife split up and she kept the house until the children were 18 she had to sell and give him a share of it. I think it was about 50%. Go to court