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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To end relationship over his irritating dog?

180 replies

MauledInPassing · 22/08/2017 20:43

Been together two years but do not live together. He has a dog (French bulldog) which is absolutely fucking crazy and is putting me off taking relationship any further.

Whenever I go to his house it goes nuts, attacks my legs and feet, launches itself at me trying to bite my hands, tries to grab the knees of my trousers - when I sit down it launches itself at my face, gets on the back of the sofa and attack my head, hair, bites my ears - all the while DP is laughing like a loon saying how cute and funny it is. The other day I got mad at it and knocked it off the sofa (a little harder than I should have done admittedly) and it fell onto its back. DP gasped and ran to pick it up. I was mortified and apologised straight away and asked if it was ok. He was really upset and said he was shocked that I could treat an animal in such a way. I felt absolutely terrible but as soon as he let it go it immediately carried on attacking me.

I've asked him to stop the dog from doing this and he makes a half arsed attempt but it just carries on. It runs off with my shoes or any object I happen to have brought into the house. The other day DP was literally crying with laughter in the kitchen. I went to see what he was laughing at only to realise that my hardback had been snatched and taken outside and it's contents all over the garden. Keys, phone, purse, NHS ID card!!! Then this stupid ridiculous animal stood shaking my bag to death growling like a thing possessed. I shouted at DP that this shit isn't funny but he couldn't even answer me for laughing.

He turned up here half hour ago, pooch in tow and asked if I wanted to go for a walk with them. I looked at its fat squashed up face and instantly felt irritated! I like dogs but this thing has something wrong with it, I'm sure.

Anyway I declined, saying I was tired and he said he was worried that I didn't like his dog and was hoping to try a bit of bonding. I don't want to bond with it, it tires me out. Apart from the biting it constantly covers me in an awful white slime which makes me wretch.

I'm seriously considering ending the relationship over it. I'd never expect him to get rid of it but I personally don't want to be around it. I feel awful because at heart I know it's just an innocent dog but I just don't like it. I've never felt like this about an animal before.

OP posts:
krustykittens · 23/08/2017 08:59

Go. As others have pointed out, your partner is the bigger problem, he has no respect. And the way he lets his dog behave shows he is a selfish arse. Cannot stand dog owners like that and I have two!

diddl · 23/08/2017 08:59

Is he actually an adult??

He sounds an immature PITA.

"I looked at its fat squashed up face and instantly felt irritated! "

YABU for that-poor thing can't help the way it looks.

FanwankTheAbsurd · 23/08/2017 09:02

I'm a mad dog owner, fur-baby and all that. But I say no way would I put up with this. You need to be clear to your stxp that allowing a dog to attack someone is not on, allowing a dog to destroy your possessions is not on, and then walk away.

I think it's a shame that the dog hasn't been/won't be trained but this man has clearly shown that he isn't about to change. you deserve so much better (and so does the dog).

Gottagetmoving · 23/08/2017 09:02

The irritating one is your DP.
The dog can't behave if it has an owner who is a total tosser.
Yes, it's ok to push the dog away if it's attacking you and the owner is doing sod all about it. It's his fault you had to push the dog away. I would rather the dog got hurt than you did, however it's your idiot DP who is the only one not suffering.
He doesn't give a shit about you....or the dog because if he did he would train it properly.

cheeseandpineapple · 23/08/2017 09:05

Your partner sounds immature and whilst the dog may not be able to help its behaviour your partner can help his but chooses not to.

cheeseandpineapple · 23/08/2017 09:05

Would end the relationship because of your partner not the dog.

Wheatfield · 23/08/2017 09:06

I'd give him an ultimatum, he either trains his dog/ gets in a dog trainer or you're walking!

These sort of people make me so angry, just absolute lazy dog ownership, let's hope he never becomes a parent, his children will be delinquents!

From a practical point of view, when the dog goes to jump up, step back, say 'NO' in a firm voice and close your body language, cross your arms and do not look at him. Ask your BF to put him on a lead and every time he goes to jump up, stop him and take him out of the room. It shouldn't take long for him to learn. Alternatively, if it doesn't learn, get a water bottle or pet corrector spray from pets at home and blast/ squirt him whenever he tries to jump up/ bite etc. Do not put up with it.

This is also why I'm not a fan of French bulldogs, never met a well behaved one and it's always because their owners are fuckwits with no idea about dogs, who just wanted a 'designer dog'

problembottom · 23/08/2017 09:12

My friend has two French bulldogs and although they're not my favourite breed of dog they are impeccably behaved because they are well trained. It's not the breed it's the lazy irresponsible owner.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 23/08/2017 09:13

As much as the dog sounds like a fucking irritating little shit (I say that as a dog lover, had them all my life), your real problem is your cunty 'd'p. How fucking dare he laugh when his badly trained dog is biting you and ruining your belongings?!
No way would I want to be with such a nasty little person. LTB.
Btw you pushing the dog wasn't cruel. Clearly there's no other way to stop the little terror and I am sure you didn't mean for it to fall and hurt itself. Amazing though that your 'd'p showed more concern over the dogs wellbeing than over yours.

livefornaps · 23/08/2017 09:13

I'm sorry to hear you're in this shite situation but you op was brilliantly written, especially the turn of phrase "pooch in tow": class....!

Bluntness100 · 23/08/2017 09:14

I'm wondering if there is different views here too. If this dog Was attacking and biting you, even though it's tiny, it would draw blood or cause injury. This seems not to be the case. The fact the partner is laughing makes me suspect the dog is trying to play with you in the way it plays with him, hence his amusement.

Of course it should be taught to respect your belongings and be trained, and your partner is at fault, but I also suspect you're not a dog person so maybe your view on what the dog is doing is different to his.

I do think uou need to end the relationship though, he won't get rid of his dog for you, and you don't like it, so I think I would end it there.

And no I've never shoved a small animal off a sofa to the extent it falls on its back. She admits she did it harder than was required. When you get to the stage you're hurting small animals, then it's time to go.

Namechangetempissue · 23/08/2017 09:15

Dump him. He makes me irritated and I've never even met him. I can't stand people who put no effort into training their dogs, whatever their size or breed. My mum has a chihuahua that is beautifully mannered, isn't treated like a baby and behaves like a dog, unlike a lot of the mini breeds who are allowed to get away with bad behaviour because they are cute and tiny. A dog is a dog. I would never allow any animal of mine to behave like that and to find it funny shows how bloody stupid he is.
I would explain to him that no, you are not "bonding" with his dog as his lack of training and boundaries have made this impossible. Ask him how he would feel if you grabbed his possessions, chucked them out in the garden and threw them around laughing. It wouldn't be cute or funny it would be fucking rude and nasty. I would make the break from him and move on. Good luck op. If you do decide to go round again, everytime the dog jumps on you, stand up and turn away from it and don't sit down until it stops leaping and pulling on you. I would actually pick it up and remove it from the room and shut the door if possible until it calmed down enough to be allowed back in. Pugs are not stupid -it will pick up on this quickly.

DragonBone · 23/08/2017 09:21

An untrained dog will always be a problem, unfortunately it's the fault of your DP that the dog doesn't have any boundaries at all. I have 5 Staffords, all trained and know their boundaries, I think I'd end the relationship too if I was in your shoes.

AnUtterIdiot · 23/08/2017 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wheatfield · 23/08/2017 09:29

Fat squashed up face made me actually LOL! Totally know what the OP means, my friends Frenchie is exactly the same as this (because she's lazy, knows nothing about dogs and hasn't bothered to train it, and yes I've told her this to her face!) and I think EXACTLY the same every time I see it Grin (Love dogs, have my own, just can't stand badly behaved ones)

Nancy91 · 23/08/2017 09:31

If someone hurt my dog I would dump them immediately. To be honest the dog was there first so he probably does prefer it to you, they are like family members to many people.

dollydaydream114 · 23/08/2017 09:34

Everything in your post suggests that you really don't like dogs or understand dog behaviour - even if your DP's dog isn't well trained, you would still hate it if it was. I do think you need to end the relationship I'm afraid.

EastDulwichWife · 23/08/2017 09:37

Very poorly trained dog, and an owner that doesn't care about how frightening and irritating it is.

Leave him.

Whataboutmeee · 23/08/2017 09:38

I completely understand. I used to have to say to my ex, no one feels the same way about your dog as you do. Just because you can turn a blind eye to the dog barking all day long, moulting hair everywhere, jumping up on people nearly knocking them over doesn't mean they can.

Wheatfield · 23/08/2017 09:38

She didn't hurt the dog though did she?!

And those like Nancy saying 'If someone hurt my dog I'd dump them straight away. Dogs are like family to most people' etc, I agree, my dogs are my life, I adore them. HOWEVER, are you like the OP's BF who hasn't bothered to train his dog and thinks that everyone should just love them and put up with them anyway, despite their destructive, irritating behaviour because that's easier than actually having to train them and do something about it?! If you are, shame on you, you give the rest of us dog owners a bad name. I can't see why you'd say things like the above if not, as surely you realise having a dog behave like that isn't normal or acceptable?!

PollyFlint · 23/08/2017 09:43

Agree with Bluntness and DollyDaydream. The description of the dog's behaviour is not a description of an aggressive dog, it's a description of a naughty dog. The biting you're describing is 'mouthing', not biting, which a lot of immature dogs and pups do. And what you describe as 'growling like a thing possessed' while shaking your bag is just what all dogs do when they shake a toy. It's not aggressive behaviour. If it was aggressive, you'd have been in hospital with stitches by now.

Clearly your partner is being irresponsible and hasn't trained his dog, which sounds undersocialised and bored. But I don't think you'd like the dog if it was well trained either - it will still slobber and it will still want to lick you and it will still growl when it shakes it toys, and it will want to be around you. It will still chew things sometimes. It will still occasionally run off with something that isn't a toy.

You don't like dogs. Your partner is not willing to train his dog. Knocking a dog off the sofa on to its back was a disgusting thing for you to do.

You need to end this relationship now. I'm amazed your partner hasn't ended it, frankly.

AnUtterIdiot · 23/08/2017 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 23/08/2017 09:45

How is there anything in the first post which suggests the OP doesn't like dogs, full stop?? All I can see is someone who is at the end of their tether with a very poorly trained one... it isn't so black and white as 'hate all dogs' or 'love all dogs', no outside factors considered Confused

Gottagetmoving · 23/08/2017 09:45

If someone hurt my dog I would dump them immediately. To be honest the dog was there first so he probably does prefer it to you, they are like family members to many people

A dog is an addition to a family. Of course you love them but you don't place them higher than an actual family member or a partner or even a visitor if it is annoying them.
I get sick of people making excuses for their dog's behaviour and defending it when it harasses somebody. If your dog attacks or frightens someone they may well hurt it.
It's your job to train your dog. I have had dogs that I love but would never accept them upsetting anyone, even a stranger.

Ameliablue · 23/08/2017 09:45

If a dog is jumping about being over exuberant, it probably wouldn't have taken more than putting a hand up to deflect a jump for the dog to end up on its back. My dog falls and bangs into things all the time when excitable because she simply doesn't pay attention to what she is doing.