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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I've got an hour before I get to my mums. Please peel me off the ceiling before I get there.

414 replies

TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 19:50

We have two boys 10 and 6.

The six year old has multiple severe allergies and an immunodeficiency and been out of hospital a lot of his life.

He's anaphylactic to dairy, egg, banana, nuts, shell fish with a moderate allergy to wheat, soya, pollen, animal dander and more.

He sees a specialist in London Eva Lina and they test him annually. The allergies are getting worse but we are aware and in control of them.

He's never stayed away from us ever.
When we go somewhere I provide all food for him to make life easier for everyone. Mainly him!

Last night he stayed at my mums because I'm on a placement. I provided all food, said he just eats that.

She called me and asked if he could have lemonade. I say yes as long as the ingredients are just water sugar etc and no allergens.

She called me later and said "Can he have Rowntrees Ice Cream?"

I said "you don't mean ice cream do you? You most mean ice lollies, just the fruit juice."

She said "yes ice lollies."

2 hours later she calls me to tell me it was 63% skimmed milk powder in it and he's fine.

Doctors have specifically told us to totally avoid milk because we tried a baked milk challenge gave him baked milk and he had crippling stomach ache and dihorreha the next day for hours it was horrible.

We are now flooring it down the motorway telling her to give him antihistamines, it will take an hour to get there.

I was angry very very angry (though didn't shout at her I had to be calm and tell her what to do in case he started reacting) but now I'm sick with worry.

I mean this is fucking life or death. I'm astounding, shocked and relieved that afte 2 hours he has no symptoms but all is not over.

I will have to take tomorrow off because with experience he will be in screaming agony like last time.

For fuck sake.

This is his first every night away from me. I really trusted my mum. I really thought she knew that ice CREAM was a sign and she knew to read labels.

OP posts:
Pigface1 · 23/08/2017 08:26

You poor thing OP. Glad your son is ok. In your situation I would be hopping mad with your mum - she was in charge of a child with allergies, and instead of bothering to read the food label herself she rang you - who couldn't see the label - to divulge herself of responsibility. Unsurprisingly a confusion ensued.

But I think you're a bigger person than I am for staying calm with her, and I also think it's for the best that you don't go nuts with her - provided she understands the seriousness of what could have happened.

2014newme · 23/08/2017 08:28

Great that he's completely fine.

MsHarry · 23/08/2017 08:34

My DD still gets bought Easter eggs and bunnies that contain hazelnut paste! Continental chocolate often does and is only listed in ingredients whereas in UK it would be part of the description. Same goes for many chocolate spreads!

Ceto · 23/08/2017 08:35

2. She rang about Rowntrees ice creams (presumably thinking they'd had them before, but wanting to double check)- you said 'oh you mean the lollies?' and she agreed- to be fair, yes, I would also class them as lollies, as they are lolly shape. You said yes, they're fine, not "no, I said only the food I gave you"

Er, no, Perper. What OP said was "you don't mean ice cream do you? You most mean ice lollies, just the fruit juice" and her mother agreed.

As soon as she realised she called you- if she didn't recognise the seriousness would she have called immediately? Of course not, she'd have waited for a reaction.

We don't know that. She actually called two hours later, so we don't know at what point she realised there was milk powder in there. On any interpretation she didn't check before giving the lolly to her grandchild.

I'm not suggesting that OP should do anything drastic in relation to her mother, but I don't understand why you are misrepresenting what happened.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 23/08/2017 08:40

Indeed Ceto. Agree, the op shouldn't go ballistic on her mum, but the mistake was not in any way the OP's. I'm not sure why some on here are determined to make it so.

LakieLady · 23/08/2017 08:40

I agree about labelling being difficult to read - tiny print, in colours on coloured backgrounds, and sometimes things are given different names.

DGD was a bit poorly after being given something by one of her aunts that contained lactose - aunt didn't realise that lactose is a milk product. Luckily, she's not anaphylactic, but it gave her terrible diarrhoea, some of which leaked from her nappy onto aunt's sofa!

It must be so difficult to manage if you have to leave kids with other people for any reason.

Terrifying for you, OP, I bet you won't be leaving him with anyone else for a long time.

Peanutbutterrules · 23/08/2017 08:41

So glad he's okay. Allergies can be very unpredictable. Your Mum needs to 'get it'. How would she feel if he'd had a serious reaction? My daughter was at a friends sleep over and one of the girls had snuck in some sweets. They were frutella type chewy squares which my DD can eat. However, sadly they weren't frutella, they were Vimto. At 1:30 in the morning the Mum phoned utterly distressed and confused as DD was in a ball of pain on the floor and vomiting. Vimto chewy sweets have egg white in them. One sweet was enough for DD to have hours of pain and vomiting. She was exhausted for the next few days as she recovered. It's just bloody frightening.

Notso · 23/08/2017 08:52

Forgive me if I'm mistaken but I have a son with peanut allergy and we have been told to avoid all peanut and nut traces from his diet. You say your son is also allergic to nuts but I've never come across a Rowntree ice lolly that doesn't contain peanut/nut traces. Sorry if there one and I just haven't 'met' it yet.

BillBrysonsBeard · 23/08/2017 09:00

Glad he is okay OP... I think some people forget to put themselves in your shoes as they are replying, not considering the history, the hospital stays, the consequences. It's frustrating also because you probably feel like you will never get some time away with DH until your son is much older, so it's not just this that's upsetting but what it means for the future.

Soubriquet · 23/08/2017 09:15

It's amazing how ignorant people can be on allergies

When my ds was younger he had CMPA. My nan and mum kept buying him lactose free chocolate and not understanding why I said no!

Luckily he outgrew it because I don't think I could handle that for the rest of his life

JaneEyre70 · 23/08/2017 09:39

I'm glad your little boy is fully recovered, and hope you get some rest too today. I would imagine your mum feels pretty awful about this today, and I'd have a chat to her about it in a few days when you're less tired and things are calmer. You've done really well not to explode at her, as it wouldn't have achieved anything Flowers.

TestTubeTeen · 23/08/2017 09:43

Such a relief he is ok, OP.

Fair enough not to go mad at your Mum, but she has shown that she doesn't show enough common sense or attentiveness. I wouldn't be able to trust her again, personally.

Sorry your evening was ruined.

PanannyPanoo · 23/08/2017 09:59

I have a training epi pen with a DVD that the hospital gave to me when my daughter was diagnosed. it may be worth parents asking for one to show anyone who cares for their child. May help to reinforce the seriousness as well as educating and empowering.

Schroedingerscatagain · 23/08/2017 10:07

Hi op

Really pleased to hear your DS is recovering today

It's so hard being a mum with food allergies, between us my children and I span the whole range, nuts shellfish dairy and all severe coeliacs too

I have other anaphylactic allergies too and (as a retired nurse) have noticed that the different anaphylactic allergic reactions present differently

My most severe (wasps) present like your sons description of electric shocks which I previously discussed with medical colleagues and was identified as plummeting blood pressure leading to shock

Hopefully I can reassure that as he gets older things do get better. DS 13 is much more vigilant now and able to protect himself when out

We also do the photo phone thing if he's not sure and needs an answer when I'm not with him

AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/08/2017 10:08

I'm glad to hear he's doing ok this morning & hopefully he won't get cramps/vomiting later. With a bit of luck he's escaped that due to the way the milk was processed.

I think that you do need to leave him at your Mum's again soon. Do as you did & pack a box of food for him and tell DS1, DS2, your Mum & her partner that he's not to eat, drink, or even look at any other food. Nothing. Nada. If it's not in your box it doesn't get eaten or drunk.

I think it's important because he's getting to an age where he needs to be able to have a bit of independence. Getting him to initially understand the 'safe box' and not to eat anything else is a good start. Doing this while he's somewhere away from friends tempting him is the safest start to independence.

You also need to do it for your sake. Get back on the bike.

💐

aintnothinbutagstring · 23/08/2017 10:10

My ds, as mentioned, is peanut allergic but ok with all tree nuts. In our last appointment with his allergy consultant, he advised to introduce nuts that he is not allergic to, so as to increase nutrition and variety in his diet so he can have nutella, almonds etc. Apparently this is the most current advice whereas we would have avoided all nuts previously for fear of cross contamination. We don't avoid 'may contain nuts' (also on consultants advice) as he'd never eat any packaged food, only specifically 'may contain peanuts'.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 23/08/2017 10:17

Glad to hear your Ds is recovering well today. I must say I was thinking about him last night

Hope he (and you all!) aren't too traumatised. Sorry it ruined your evening. Flowers

TippyTinkleTrousers · 23/08/2017 11:54

To answer a few questions and assumptions Hmm I teach her how to use the epipen. What a huge a daft assumption that I didn't. My sons anaphylactic to several things I wouldn't just dump the medicines and not explain things.

I of course asked him how much of the ice lolly he ate. It wasn't just a lick or one bite and he realised. This assumption I found more amusing than anything else.

notto I envy you that your child is 'only' allergic to nuts. Do you know how many things say 'may contain milk, egg, wheat, soya, nuts'?
Many many many things.
We eat those things. This is a risk we take one we have discussed with him. We try and make life as normal as possible for him, if we were to not have all the items that say 'may contain' then he would have nothing from the supermarket ever in his life and he doesn't want to live that kind of life, he's a kid.
I do however avoid biscuits and cereals that say 'may contain nuts' as they are apparently the most like to genuinely contain nuts and not just a supermarket covering their arses. I found your post a thinly veiled judgement on my parental decisions though...

My son is absolutely fine still. He said he has the squits but that's it.
When we did the 'baked milk challenge' it was screaming crippling agony and terrible dihorrea that left his poor bottom covered in welts. This certainly isn't happening right now.

I did text my mum in the end. She replied and it was far.

One thing she said was "In retrospect perhaps I shouldn't have had them [the kids]"
This hasn't annoyed me a tiny bit but I can't pin point why it has. I've rolled it round in my head a few times and I still can't put my finger on why it annoyed me.
So I'm putting it down to the fact that I'm tired.

OP posts:
Jux · 23/08/2017 12:02

DD used to havze a friend who was intolerant to lactose. I took the pair of themtothe coa and bought them Pick'n'Mix - little did I know that lots of sweets had milk of some sort in them. I was usually so careful, I always had soya milk in the fridge for her, and the spread she could eat, as well as lots of other stuff she was OK with.

Poor child, those cinema sweets had such a horrid effect on her - not epipen worthy, but so unpleasant.

People make mistakes. I hooe your mum has now realised how careful you have to be of children with allergies, and won't make that mistake again.

Hope you get through today OK.

Lenl · 23/08/2017 12:04

Can't believe anyone is giving you a hard time. Mumsnet is weird.

Perhaps your mum's text annoyed you because it suggests this was almost inevitable because he was away from you, whereas actually a little more care and thoughtfulness from her would have prevented the whole situation.

Anyway, I'm glad very he's ok and try ignore the fucktards on here with their I-know-best pants on Flowers

Jux · 23/08/2017 12:04

cinema not coa - these damn pretend keyboards are seriously crap Grin

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 23/08/2017 12:07

If my son had just been rushed to hospital after an anaphylactic episode - the last thing id be expecting to do is defend myself on mumsnet

Honestly this place is so weird sometimes.

Op - glad you're all ok. Maybe it annoys you as having parents able/willing to look after grandkids is something many people take for granted. And not having that is frustrating? I don't know. Just thinking out loud. Having one night off in six years is incredible - I don't know how you do it.

Take care Flowers

PenelopeFlintstone · 23/08/2017 12:18

Very sorry for you OP. I thought this too: I would also class them as lollies, as they are lolly shape. I think of an ice lolly as being frozen on a stick, made of ice cream or not. I would have read the label. Totally understand your anger and upset, but great advice from AnOniMouse, I think Flowers

Lunde · 23/08/2017 13:42

Tippy I think it is annoying you because she is making it all about her and playing the martyr card. It must be annoying that she managed to read all the dietary information on the pack only after she had given it to him!

Glad that he got the medicine in time so that the facial swelling was brought under control. Hope that the stomach symptoms are not too bad.

Xchangedtohideid · 23/08/2017 13:50

Op, So glad to see all is not too bad, considering!

Re being annoyed about the message - Your mums msg was attempting to divert blame on to you for trusting her to look after your children rather than taking ownership for her mistake. I would be pissed off by that too as you should be able to trust her but clearly you can not.

Something my mil would do.