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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I've got an hour before I get to my mums. Please peel me off the ceiling before I get there.

414 replies

TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 19:50

We have two boys 10 and 6.

The six year old has multiple severe allergies and an immunodeficiency and been out of hospital a lot of his life.

He's anaphylactic to dairy, egg, banana, nuts, shell fish with a moderate allergy to wheat, soya, pollen, animal dander and more.

He sees a specialist in London Eva Lina and they test him annually. The allergies are getting worse but we are aware and in control of them.

He's never stayed away from us ever.
When we go somewhere I provide all food for him to make life easier for everyone. Mainly him!

Last night he stayed at my mums because I'm on a placement. I provided all food, said he just eats that.

She called me and asked if he could have lemonade. I say yes as long as the ingredients are just water sugar etc and no allergens.

She called me later and said "Can he have Rowntrees Ice Cream?"

I said "you don't mean ice cream do you? You most mean ice lollies, just the fruit juice."

She said "yes ice lollies."

2 hours later she calls me to tell me it was 63% skimmed milk powder in it and he's fine.

Doctors have specifically told us to totally avoid milk because we tried a baked milk challenge gave him baked milk and he had crippling stomach ache and dihorreha the next day for hours it was horrible.

We are now flooring it down the motorway telling her to give him antihistamines, it will take an hour to get there.

I was angry very very angry (though didn't shout at her I had to be calm and tell her what to do in case he started reacting) but now I'm sick with worry.

I mean this is fucking life or death. I'm astounding, shocked and relieved that afte 2 hours he has no symptoms but all is not over.

I will have to take tomorrow off because with experience he will be in screaming agony like last time.

For fuck sake.

This is his first every night away from me. I really trusted my mum. I really thought she knew that ice CREAM was a sign and she knew to read labels.

OP posts:
Imstyledilemma · 23/08/2017 17:59

I know those lollies and they quite clearly are an ice cream-y centre with a coloured juice coating (like an old fashioned Mivvi, if anyone remembers those). It was SO remiss of your mum to not read the box.

A lot of modern day, so called 'ice cream' doesn't always contain cream at all.
It's mainly vegetable oil. yuck
So there's a slight chance he may not have ingested any diary.

Here's hoping and keeping fingers crossed for you and your little boy!

TippyTinkleTrousers · 23/08/2017 18:00

Out of interest Jane how was I with my mum?

Because you seem to have been there and witnessed it all.

I'd like to hear your version of the events of how I 'was with my mother' if that's ok? I'm interested....

OP posts:
TippyTinkleTrousers · 23/08/2017 18:02

"Flooring it down the motorway""This is life or death"Best get on mumsnet then.

Exactly! Thank God for mumsnet!! I had an hours journey getting to my mums and I'd gone from raging mad to absolute panic whilst DH was driving. He had gone silent as he was concentrating on the road and worried sick.
Luckily for me I could post and vent on Mumsnet.
Thanks for understanding. X

OP posts:
morningtoncrescent62 · 23/08/2017 18:02

Just RTFT and I don't have anything to add other than I'm so glad your DS seems fine, and he hasn't had the reaction he had to the baked milk challenge which sounds just awful. I hope he continues to be OK, and you can have some time to get over what must have been a terrible shock. Flowers

Cherrytart6 · 23/08/2017 18:04

Text back 'I provided all the food she needed and so you just needed to read labels of any extra items'

Cherrytart6 · 23/08/2017 18:06

Some very unkind posters attacking OP at time she needs support

Iamthinking · 23/08/2017 18:09

Very unkind indeed.

Ceto · 23/08/2017 18:10

JustJayne, maybe if you'd bothered to read the OP's posts before rushing to condemn her you might not sound such a monumental arsehole.

TippyTinkleTrousers · 23/08/2017 18:10

Imsty unfortunately not, she read out and it said skimmed milk powder. So the milk protein was well and truly present.

OP posts:
Misty114 · 23/08/2017 18:10

Thing is Mothers think they know best - and they don't. Mine would wind me up to actually going nuts, in the end found myself a reliable childminder. L.

SexLubeAndAFishSlice · 23/08/2017 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cubtrouble · 23/08/2017 18:16

Justjaynenobrain may be my new name. Idiot.

Thank goodness your son is ok OP.

prettywhiteguitar · 23/08/2017 18:20

I'm afraid it's typical of grandparents in my experience, they don't listen as they think they know best

prettywhiteguitar · 23/08/2017 18:20

Then she's panicked as she's realised she's fucked up

girlsyearapart · 23/08/2017 18:34

Glad he's ok op.
We also go to the evelina ( they are fab)
As a pp said grandparents often try really hard to be 'fair' which results in allergic dd being given a whole load of sweets as she cant have most fresh fruit Hmm

Mil also does a good line in 'yes she can have xyz she's had them before'
Err yes she has it didn't end well!

Allergies are a pain to live with. Good luck Smile

Acaseofyou80 · 23/08/2017 18:40

Wow to some of these responses. Just wow.
OP, could it be that his other allergies were so well controlled at the time of his exposure to the lolly, that his reaction was less severe this time? My dh, both dds and I have allergies between us all (however none life threatening) and I have been learning about how people with multiple allergies can have accumulating reactions. It explains why sometimes my dd (with cmpa) can be ok with a yoghurt and sometimes and other times be very sick. If more than one allergy is acting up, another is more likely to kick off iyswim.
I hope this isn't the case and that in fact your little boy is maybe catching a small break in what he can have. I truly hope he's ok x

Themadnessthatismylife · 23/08/2017 18:40

Surely getting stomach ache and vomiting isn't "life and death"? OP stated that last time he had milk it gave him vomiting, abdominal pain and nausea. That is not anaphylaxis. Sounds more like an in tolerance to me.

YellowLawn · 23/08/2017 18:45

themad
anaphylaxis just means 'severe allergic reaction' vomiting, cramps, diarrhoea fit that.
www.anaphylaxis.org.uk/hcp/what-is-anaphylaxis/signs-and-symptoms/

AuntyElle · 23/08/2017 18:47

What can possibly be the point of your comment, Themadnessthatismylife?

You clearly haven't read OP's posts properly, you're showing your ignorance and adding nothing.

I just don't understand the mentality of some of the posters on this thread. Confused

Flowers to OP for your patience, on top of everything else.

TippyTinkleTrousers · 23/08/2017 18:49

I didnt once say stomachs ache and dihorrea was life threatening.
I said his anaphylactic reaction to a yoghurt was. May I point out to you the 'milk ladder challenge' so you can understand the difference why he is anaphylactic yet can have a lesser severe reaction to a different form of dairy?
I've been quite explanatory on here with regards to tests results etc but it's not clear enough for you and that's fine. So perhaps look on the Anaphyaxis Campaign website the NHS website and the St Thomas website and also look up Milk Ladder Challenge and it will explain it further.

OP, could it be that his other allergies were so well controlled at the time of his exposure to the lolly, that his reaction was less severe this time?
Yes this absolutely crossed my mind. Is this a good thing? Or lulling me into a false sense of security with regards to the desensitisation programme?
A few years ago when I asked them they said there's absolutely no way he could be desensitised if he can't even tolerate one crumb of baked milk in a cookie.
But he also had other allergens in his diet at the time (less severe ones which were far harder to pull out) now they are all pin pointed he's basically a normal child if we are very very careful.

OP posts:
LockedOutOfMN · 23/08/2017 18:55

No advice, sorry, but I am so sorry to hear this and hope your little boy is OK, OP.

Your mum was BU and has understandably destroyed your trust.

lampert · 23/08/2017 18:58

It's a lesson she will remember forever now OP. I have a very severe food allergy, and from a very early age I was encouraged to read all labels myself if I was away from home. I appreciate your DS is very young, and absolutely cannot be responsible himself, but the sooner he can learn to look out for and recognise the names foods he must avoid the better - it's an extra check.

Really hope he is ok and escapes this without a reaction. Flowers

lampert · 23/08/2017 19:01

Sorry the thread only half loaded on my phone and I see now he did have a reaction- apologies op xx

fc301 · 23/08/2017 19:11

Glad he's ok.
It annoyed you because the implication of your DMs words is YOU shouldn't have left him here when she should be saying I fucked up. 💐

perper · 23/08/2017 19:13

I really, really don't understand how people are coming to the conclusion that the GM doesn't understand the seriousness, didn't follow instructions or doesn't understand allergies.

Rather than jumping on the whole blame bandwagon, can we please address some rational facts?

  1. OP gave GM food to give the kids, fair enough. However she did also give permission, twice, for them to have something else. Not OP's fault that this has happened- but it's also not GM's fault for 'not following instructions'
  1. GM made two phone calls to check both 'treats' before she fed them. That is not what someone who doesn't care or doesn't understand the severity does. She also called immediately she realised there'd been a mistake- she didn't wait for symptoms to appear, which is what she would have done if she didn't think it was a big deal.
  1. What would people prefer GM did- check the ingredients herself and make her own decision? Fair enough, but I think in this case GM didn't feel she was given that level of responsibility so we can hardly blame her for deferring that decision to OP- if she had made her own decision people would be flaming her even more.
  1. There was a simple misunderstanding re: what 'lolly' means, when you actually consider it. In future we can all learn from this that it's best to read out the ingredients just in case...
  1. This is not the only time there has been a mistake- the child ate a milky sweet only a couple of weeks ago. Is whoever was responsible for that also now banned from looking after him? Seems extreme.
  1. How on Earth are people coming to the conclusion that she is trying to shift blame based on her text?! She clearly feels responsible and feels like she's let OP and the child down and no longer feels like she can trust herself. That is a horrible position to put a loving grandparent in.

Really not impressed by some of the commenters here. OP I can forgive as she's stressed (though I hope will find herself more able to be reasonable when the situation has calmed down a little), but it really feels like some people are being quite horrible regarding the GM.

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