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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I've got an hour before I get to my mums. Please peel me off the ceiling before I get there.

414 replies

TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 19:50

We have two boys 10 and 6.

The six year old has multiple severe allergies and an immunodeficiency and been out of hospital a lot of his life.

He's anaphylactic to dairy, egg, banana, nuts, shell fish with a moderate allergy to wheat, soya, pollen, animal dander and more.

He sees a specialist in London Eva Lina and they test him annually. The allergies are getting worse but we are aware and in control of them.

He's never stayed away from us ever.
When we go somewhere I provide all food for him to make life easier for everyone. Mainly him!

Last night he stayed at my mums because I'm on a placement. I provided all food, said he just eats that.

She called me and asked if he could have lemonade. I say yes as long as the ingredients are just water sugar etc and no allergens.

She called me later and said "Can he have Rowntrees Ice Cream?"

I said "you don't mean ice cream do you? You most mean ice lollies, just the fruit juice."

She said "yes ice lollies."

2 hours later she calls me to tell me it was 63% skimmed milk powder in it and he's fine.

Doctors have specifically told us to totally avoid milk because we tried a baked milk challenge gave him baked milk and he had crippling stomach ache and dihorreha the next day for hours it was horrible.

We are now flooring it down the motorway telling her to give him antihistamines, it will take an hour to get there.

I was angry very very angry (though didn't shout at her I had to be calm and tell her what to do in case he started reacting) but now I'm sick with worry.

I mean this is fucking life or death. I'm astounding, shocked and relieved that afte 2 hours he has no symptoms but all is not over.

I will have to take tomorrow off because with experience he will be in screaming agony like last time.

For fuck sake.

This is his first every night away from me. I really trusted my mum. I really thought she knew that ice CREAM was a sign and she knew to read labels.

OP posts:
Waffles80 · 23/08/2017 06:56

The nurses' station might have a spare charger, OP.
Hope all is well today.

Softkitty2 · 23/08/2017 07:00

As you said you provide all your ds' food.. So if he is with your mum again. Tell her straight you only give him what I have packed or you take responsibility for reading the label and being 100%sure he can have the food you are offering.

If she can't take responsibilty for it then no other food.

She rang you asking because maybe then its not her 'fault' as you ok'd it

ForgivenessIsDivine · 23/08/2017 07:07

When DS has had reactions in the past, he does take a while to recover from them. probiotics and vitamin C help. I hope you are all OK, it is a horrible thing to happen.

TippyTinkleTrousers · 23/08/2017 07:23

The nurses station did have a charger thankfully, it's now charged enough to call DH and he's on his way to pick us up. I called my placement to let them know I won't be in and I text my mum to let her know he was fine but also that it was still serious but we were really lucky. And that I shouldn't have assumed that because I told her to read the lemonade lable that she would also read the ice lolly lable...

Most importantly DS seems fine.

Which is utterly bizarre to me because a few weeks ago he licked (only twice) a hard sweet which contained milk and the hives on his face were enormous. I had the epipen in my hand ready but luckily it didn't get to that.

So for him to ingest an ice lollie that contained cows milk ice cream and have no reaction at all seems utterly bizarre to me.
There's no way a severe allergy just stops in a matter of weeks, especially at this age.

I'm utterly baffled but glad it wasn't serious.

I've taken today off to be with him but also I haven't been to sleep yet.

Conversely the charge nurse who saw us initially was a complete and utter arsehole. He was everything the 6C's try and prevent. He's the head of this department and now I'm definitely not looking forward to my placement here, which may well be at Christmas.
The nurse that cared for DS was very lovely though.

What a bloody crazy few hours.

13 hours ago I was sat in a restaurant with DH, child free for the first time in 6 years, our food had just been set on the table when I got the call.
I really thought we'd turned a corner with allergies and him being able to be away from us.

What a kick in the balls for everyone.

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/08/2017 07:31

What a nightmare for you. How your mum reacts when you next talk to her will be telling. I hope she's mortified and ashamed. I hope she doesn't try to justify/minimise it. Even for intolerances I'd read the labels, with a risk of anaphylaxis you'd want to go through them even more carefully.

Would you consider complaining about the staff nurse? Or getting DH to do it?

ChristopherWren · 23/08/2017 07:34

I agree with Perper. Your mum did ask you and you said it was ok. Don't be too hard on her.

Blazedandconfused · 23/08/2017 07:36

Glad he's ok op. My son had similar allergies but luckily no anaphylaxis.

I'm well aware of the milk ladder. Strange how the ice cream didn't affect him. But then the milk may have been processed twice- into powdered form, then into the ice cream. So far enough away from its original form that he was lucky enough to be ok with it.

Allergies are all consuming fior parents. Really hope your DS starts to grow out of them soon x

Decaffstilltastesweird · 23/08/2017 07:38

It really is a kick in the balls for everyone.

Well done for deciding to be calm with your mum. You're a better woman than I would be I think! I'm sure she feels terrible.

But, I wouldn't trust her with him again either, as you've already said you won't.

I'm still baffled at her mistake tbh, but there you are.

Hope DS is ok today Flowers.

limitedscreentime · 23/08/2017 07:38

I'm so glad he is ok. It's terrifying - my daughter has a cmpa allergy, fortunately a mild one as even my husband doesn't get it. At all.

Difference in reaction might be processing - I think the Lolly had skimmed milk powder? Suggests some sort of processing that may have broken down the protein chain a bit.

No excuse but it seems so easy to make a mistake. I bought something yesterday, checked ingredients, ate it (thinking this tastes too good to not have butter in), checked again and it did. Genuinely do not know how I missed it the first time. For us it's meant a night of her having stomach cramps and she'll be sick today. I feel massively guilty. I don't know how on earth I would manage if her reactions were more severe. You are doing a great job, and you need to emphasise the severity of the situation - hurt feelings are much more easily recovered. Sounds like you handled it brilliantly.

gunsandbanjos · 23/08/2017 07:42

What a nightmare for you and your son, glad he's ok though.
Some people just don't take allergies seriously, I was in hospital with my daughter a few years ago after she had spinal surgery and I got chatting to one of the other mums.
Her son had an anaphylactic reaction after his GM gave him a cereal bar without reading the label despite being fully aware he had a severe nut allergy.
Poor kid had to be blue lighted to hospital and nearly died!

Kadena127 · 23/08/2017 07:48

There's clearly nothing wrong with him! Calm down for goodness sake.

NormaSmuff · 23/08/2017 07:49

oh you bought him back to your nearest hospital op?

glad to hear everything was ok

Bumply · 23/08/2017 07:50

Did he actually eat the whole lolly?
He may have bitten into it, seen the centre was ice cream, recognised the danger and that's the point at which ingredients were double checked by DM.

Freezingwinter · 23/08/2017 07:50

Kadena Hmm

DevilsDumplings · 23/08/2017 07:51

I hope your ds is feeling better Flowers

NormaSmuff · 23/08/2017 07:55

op, might it be an idea to teach your mum to use the epipen?
that would have taken away at least some of your panic?

upperlimit · 23/08/2017 07:57

I'm so glad your ds is doing ok. I can't imagine how hard be to be only one false move between your child and a life threatening situation. I hope that today pans out better than you expect. Poor you and poor ds Flowers

upperlimit · 23/08/2017 07:57

...hard it must be...

MsHarry · 23/08/2017 08:02

I'm glad he's ok, what a night! Obviously you know that because this reaction was milder, the next one might not be. It's so unpredictable and the severity of the reaction can depend on other factors such as emotion, excitement, alcohol intake and temperature. Is it possible to get some good literature from your consultant to leave with your mum so that she can read for herself or perhaps take her with you to his next appointment?

Neutrogena · 23/08/2017 08:03

I think it's best if you don;t leave him with other people until he's big enough to regulate his food himself.
Better safe than sorry. Don't risk the life of a child.

PowerPantsRule · 23/08/2017 08:04

Some real ignorance about allergies on here. Crippling tummy pains and diarrhea IS anaphylaxis (look it up). Anaphylaxis is not just your throat closing up, it takes other forms too.

PowerPantsRule · 23/08/2017 08:07

I read the first two pages and got cross so apologise for the comment above as everyone since has got on board. Very glad your son is OK. I have a medical condition involving anaphylaxis and know exactly the electric shock feelings your son describes, it is part of it for me. Thank heavens he is fine

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 23/08/2017 08:11

Good morning Tippy, you poor love. There truly is nothing more precious than our children, and fearing for their life, is torture. Today is a new day, and I pray your little boy is going to be alright.
The majority of us on here, are not too quick to judge, but others delight, in adding to the distress of those already suffering. Their opinions are irrelevant.
Don't involve yourself in a deep conversation with your mother today, go home, and try to relax. Thinking of you and your Son. 🙋🏼💐

Whocansay · 23/08/2017 08:12

I would be absolutely fizzing with your mum, but she's probably devastated that she been so stupid (and arrogant, which is what would make me cross).

I'm glad to hear he's OK and I hope you all manage to get some rest.

Thurlow · 23/08/2017 08:16

I think what Perper says makes a lot of sense. Your mum tried and she called you every time. Yes, a horrible mistake was made and it might be sensible to not let him be away from you until you are certain he can read labels and identify allergens himself. But she has probably had a horrible shock too, and going forward you can check she has learnt fully from this how important it is for her to read every single label.