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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I've got an hour before I get to my mums. Please peel me off the ceiling before I get there.

414 replies

TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 19:50

We have two boys 10 and 6.

The six year old has multiple severe allergies and an immunodeficiency and been out of hospital a lot of his life.

He's anaphylactic to dairy, egg, banana, nuts, shell fish with a moderate allergy to wheat, soya, pollen, animal dander and more.

He sees a specialist in London Eva Lina and they test him annually. The allergies are getting worse but we are aware and in control of them.

He's never stayed away from us ever.
When we go somewhere I provide all food for him to make life easier for everyone. Mainly him!

Last night he stayed at my mums because I'm on a placement. I provided all food, said he just eats that.

She called me and asked if he could have lemonade. I say yes as long as the ingredients are just water sugar etc and no allergens.

She called me later and said "Can he have Rowntrees Ice Cream?"

I said "you don't mean ice cream do you? You most mean ice lollies, just the fruit juice."

She said "yes ice lollies."

2 hours later she calls me to tell me it was 63% skimmed milk powder in it and he's fine.

Doctors have specifically told us to totally avoid milk because we tried a baked milk challenge gave him baked milk and he had crippling stomach ache and dihorreha the next day for hours it was horrible.

We are now flooring it down the motorway telling her to give him antihistamines, it will take an hour to get there.

I was angry very very angry (though didn't shout at her I had to be calm and tell her what to do in case he started reacting) but now I'm sick with worry.

I mean this is fucking life or death. I'm astounding, shocked and relieved that afte 2 hours he has no symptoms but all is not over.

I will have to take tomorrow off because with experience he will be in screaming agony like last time.

For fuck sake.

This is his first every night away from me. I really trusted my mum. I really thought she knew that ice CREAM was a sign and she knew to read labels.

OP posts:
Before · 22/08/2017 23:55

I have just returned to this post having read it when you started travelling to your son. I hope he recovers and is allowed home. I am so sorry for your Mum I guess she is feeling awful. You did the right thing to go and get him as you never can be sure how severe a reaction might be. What a worry it has been for you all. Sorry you have had this horrible shock. I hope you will be able to relax now.

3boys3dogshelp · 22/08/2017 23:56

Hope your ds is feeling better soon. You are in the right place Flowers

Before · 22/08/2017 23:57

sorry of course he is recovering I meant recover quickly :)

TippyTinkleTrousers · 23/08/2017 00:10

The doctor finally got hold of someone at the Evalina and they said to keep him in for Obs.

He's fallen asleep now but just before he said his stomach hurt. I said how bad on a scale of 1-10 and he said 59 Hmm. Couldn't have been that bad or he wouldn't have fallen asleep 10 mins later!

Anyway at least I can sleep beside him tonight knowing they are doing obs. I was planning on sitting up awake at home with him to keep and eye on how it.

OP posts:
MummySparkle · 23/08/2017 00:14

I'm glad they're keeping him in OP, even if all it does is give you a chance to rest knowing they're doing obs. Fingers crossed for an okay nights sleep for the pair of you and that's dS wakes up feeling okay in the morning

Jux · 23/08/2017 00:15

How is your little lad, now? Hope he's OK and you're all home now, and that tomorrow he feels better. Poor little thing. Flowers

Can't believe there were posters being snarky, and mostly misreading your posts, too. There's no cure for stupid, sadly. They have made this thread an absolute disgrace.

I hope that if you ever post again you will get decent responses, as that is more representative of MN.

I do hope your boy reovers well, and doesn't suffer tomorrow.

sebumfillaments · 23/08/2017 00:20

`Flipping heck what a horrible nightmare! I hope you get some sleep OP, and that your wee lad is ok. How rotten. x x x

hugomcwooferton · 23/08/2017 00:43

I'm so glad you took him to A&E because I have a severe reaction to wasps and the second time I got stung I had 'electric shock' type pains from the sting on my leg to the nape of my neck, every hair on my body went on end during the wave of shock pains and it felt so funny.

I was given an epi pen after that

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 23/08/2017 01:00

Hope he's ok and you're ok too op Flowers

Some of these posts are fucking shameful. Nobody needs to be right on the internet more than the op needed support and understanding. Disgusting arrogance.

TippyTinkleTrousers · 23/08/2017 01:12

I can't sleep. Too much coffee and I keep replaying it over in my head and it's making me more cross.

I keep thinking that my mums husband (who I don't have a good relationship with) will tell her they've done me a favour by 'discovering' he's no longer anaphylactic or worse still I have munchausens by proxy and he never had allergies or something ridiculous and down played.

I keep thinking about what I want to text her so she understands the seriousness of what could have happened.
I'm winding myself up basically which is typical me.
I drank so much coffee thinking I needed to stay awake to keep and eye on him that now I can't sleep.

That's interesting hugo because he's never once before described himself as having 'electric shocks' from his head all the the way down his body and he wasn't visibly shivering and definitely wasn't cold, I kept putting layers on him and he kept telling me he didn't like it as I was making him hot.
It was the description of electric shocks that made me think I needed to take action.

I really really hope this amounts to nothing.

OP posts:
Jux · 23/08/2017 01:22

I'm not surprised you can't sleep, it's not just the coffee, it's the emotion.

When you text your mum I would definitely tell her that his lips and eyes swelled up, and the hospital have admitted him, that you ope that he will come out tomorrow, but that his stomach has started hurting. I'd text her now as well. She's unlikely to be asleep, and if she is she shouldn't be. If I'd done that to my dd (or her child should she have one) I would not be sleeping easily at all.

YesEinsteinsMumDid · 23/08/2017 01:26

Perhaps just send her a picture of ds asleep in his hospital bed, saying he is being well looked after? Or something simple. No blame, nothing scary but suitably conveys the severity of it?

ds has multiple allergies, I have issues with ds' dad being a twat about his allergies and great gran just not getting it right. Thankfully the consequences are not quite as serious but bad enough to be frustrating. You have my thoughts and I do hope your boy is ok.

YesEinsteinsMumDid · 23/08/2017 01:28

Actually I like Jux's text idea better.

Jux · 23/08/2017 01:34

Well, I'd send the text and add the pic; she probably wants to know how he is and will want to know what made the hospital admit him. You'd send a text like that to whoever you were with at the time something happened which caused you to rush your child to hospital and you'd update them on your child's condition and the fact they were admitted, wouldn't you.

It's nothing to do with blame, just keeping her informed.

3boys3dogshelp · 23/08/2017 02:01

I know it's easy for us to say sitting at home, but please try not to lose it with your mum. It might be best not to talk to her at the moment until you've had some thinking time.
I agree she has done an incredibly stupid thing but from the outside I can see how it happened. She has seen your ds eating a rowntrees lolly. So she wanted to do a thoughtful thing and bought 'his' lollies from the shop (my dm does this for my CMPI son as she doesn't want him to be different to her other GC) but picked up the wrong ones in the shop. Then she phoned and checked with you when she wasn't 100%. Checked again when she felt uncomfortable that it looked like ice cream. And called you as soon as she realised. I am not denying for a second that she was stupid and she should have stuck to your rules, but I'm sure she will be feeling devastated without you needing to tell her she was wrong, and I'm sure it wasn't done maliciously. i hope you manage to get some rest.

Faithless12 · 23/08/2017 02:22

I hope your DS is ok and his stomach doesn't hurt too much tomorrow. My DS didn't have anaphylactic allergies but people often gave him milk to prove I was making it up but weren't there in the evening when the cramps started or if they were tried to explain away his screaming in agony.
I'm interested to hear that he discribed electric shocks as DS once told me his lips were tingling and described a pain that I translated to electric shocks but ignored it.

westcoastnortherneragain · 23/08/2017 02:28

I hope he gets better soon. My friend's DD is highly allergic to all kinds of nuts... it presents as stomach pain and she gets really hot... an anaphylactic reaction can be many symptoms as you well know not just the throat closing up

SeashellHoarder · 23/08/2017 03:01

tippy I wonder if your DM's husband had a hand in buying the lollies, or saying they'd be fine?

It's awful that this happened - it only takes a second to check the ingredients.

Horrible lesson to learn - only rely on yourself to look after your DS. The consequences of a mistake are too high to risk.

I'm glad you've gone to hospital. I hope he feels better soon.

To any of the doubting posters, the hospital drs clearly don't think it's an exaggeration to be kept in overnight.

JiminyBillyBob · 23/08/2017 03:01

Hope he's ok op.

Your mother is a stupid, stupid woman and I'd be telling her so.

perper · 23/08/2017 03:17

Really sorry to hear about your son OP, it must be very scary.

However...

I'm not sure why people are encouraging your anger towards your mother. I completely understand that you're very stressed by it, but let's run over what's actually happened...

  1. She rang you to double check the lemonade- you said yes, fine, not "no, I said only the food I gave you"
  1. She rang about Rowntrees ice creams (presumably thinking they'd had them before, but wanting to double check)- you said 'oh you mean the lollies?' and she agreed- to be fair, yes, I would also class them as lollies, as they are lolly shape. You said yes, they're fine, not "no, I said only the food I gave you"
  1. She gave them the lollies you'd said were fine (bearing in mind the 'misidentification')- except that they presumably didn't look quite right, so she double checked the packet
  1. As soon as she realised she called you- if she didn't recognise the seriousness would she have called immediately? Of course not, she'd have waited for a reaction.

So basically, she's wanted to give them treats, but has rung you to check with you each time. This was a genuine mistake- not really stupidity on her part, and definitely not because she reckoned it'd be ok. I bet she feels utterly awful, and I really don't think it's necessary to make her feel worse by hammering home how she could have killed her own grandchild or sending texts about how ill he is in hospital, and I really hope you rethink your plan to never let the children stay with her again. It's not a mistake she's likely to make in future!

I think a little perspective is needed from posters here- OP you can be forgiven right now as you're in a stressful situation, but hopefully will be able to see it more rationally when he's safe back home Smile

I say this as someone who's grown up with allergies- I know my grandparents always wanted to treat me but were nervous of doing so. I learnt from about the age of 5 how to read ingredients to check myself to be on the safe side Smile

QOD · 23/08/2017 03:54
Flowers
TippyTinkleTrousers · 23/08/2017 03:55

I'm still awake and ds is still fast asleep and content which is good.

I'm not going to go mad at my mum, I've decided. I'm just going to be black and white about it. He was admitted on the advice of his go-to allergy hospital given his history and regally allergy tests and will explain how he's been in the 24 hours following the ice lollie incident. And I've had a steep learning curve in that he won't be going anywhere without me.

I actually made the assumption that she read the lable.

So more fool me, really.

Tomorrow is going to be crap with no sleep looking after too tired arguing children who have had hardly any sleep.
But then, it could be worse so I shouldn't whinge!

I'm going to have to stop MNing now as my battery is low and I have no charger. Need to call DH when we get discharged because he took my car to get him and DS1 home.

So I'm just hoping that he has no ill effects tomorrow.
Fingers crossed. I'm not holding my breath if I'm totally honest.

Thanks for the support and ears to vent too. I really needed to get it out my system and not in front of the kids and I feel much calmer now.

OP posts:
Skittlesandbeer · 23/08/2017 04:27

I think I'd have to walk in, pick up child, walk to car and leave without a word. There is no other way. If my mouth were to open, it would be impossible not to say 'what the actual fuck...?'

We need publically available workshops for this kind of thing, so we can send all the grannies and they can hear it from independent sources with some nice graphic slides of children's headstones.

How is it possible that this woman has not spent the week prior to the visit making safe foods, and checking every detail on bought foods? Does she think you've been doing it all for a bit of a laugh cos you were bored all these years?

Xchangedtohideid · 23/08/2017 06:03

Op, thinking of you all today, how are things?

SisyphusHadItEasy · 23/08/2017 06:26

One thing I have whenever I leave DD with someone, I leave my mobile number (obviously).

However, if they want to offer her something to eat as a treat that she is not familiar with and they are insure of, I ask them to quickly snap a pic of the ingredients list and send it, so I can double check.

I has avoided more than one accidental exposure, and the onus is on me to make the call - taking the culpability out of their hands.

Maybe that might work in the future for you?