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AIBU?

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Original poster

If invited out, is paying for own meal reasonable or not please

179 replies

MirandaGoshawk · 22/08/2017 19:01

Opinions wanted! Friend was invited to a pub for her close friend's (evening) birthday meal. Bottles of wine were provided & there were 12 people in total. At the end of the meal, friend was surprised that they split the bill. She had expected the birthday girl to pay. Is she being unreasonable, or was the birthday girl being tight?

OP posts:
TheInimitableMrsFanshawe · 22/08/2017 22:04

OP if this was the Jack in the Green no way would I be paying for everyone unless it was a big birthday. Exeter isn't an island where normal rules don't apply, so your "friend" is a tightarse loon and you need not give her another thought except to laugh at her poor grasp of normal social etiquette.

CatsAreAssholes · 22/08/2017 22:04

Did she buy you a gift?

Lweji · 22/08/2017 22:06

Absolutely, Lweji. I think mine was pizza and icecream for six at my most generous!

But the bastards that arrived a bit later decided to order their own stuff at the counter as they arrived and paid. I only ended up paying for the ones that were there at the start.

Polliver · 22/08/2017 22:11

She thinks that it is reasonable for this woman to buy a meal and booze for 12 PEOPLE? Not exactly a birthday treat. Of course everyone has to pay for themselves

Penelopeg · 22/08/2017 22:11

Interesting. I would expect to slit but DH thinks this is rude and he always pays for everyone at both mine and his birthday meals.

PoppyH56 · 22/08/2017 22:25

I would expect the completely opposite and offer to pay for birthday girl myself or split her meal between the other diners!

Mari50 · 22/08/2017 23:04

I would expect to pay and would also divide by people present minus birthday guest so that they get meal as a gift.
Never in a million would I expect the person whose birthday it is to foot the bill. Found it weird enough that geordies expect a cake to be bought into work on your birthday let alone footing the bill for a meal of 12.

babybubblescomingsoon · 22/08/2017 23:24

Was this in London by any chance?

CoughLaughFart · 23/08/2017 01:28

The relevance being?

FeelingAggrieved · 23/08/2017 02:18

Why would the birthday girl pay? She'd be worse off than on a day that's not her birthday. 😂

Happydays21 · 23/08/2017 07:09

We always pay if we invite others but dont always expect it.

I do think the wording is important - would you like to come / hosting suggests oaying whereas do you fancy going out / how about this place / i will get the wine suggests splitting bill.

I equally dont think you can "invite" people and when have them split the bill to pay for you too.

whitemint · 23/08/2017 08:02

We always pay when inviting others for an occasion like this, but we'd never expect it. We can comfortably afford it and usually other people we know in our financial position do the same. Some friends aren't so well off so we'd never expect it from them.

5rivers7hills · 23/08/2017 08:10

If it's a casual text or email then you pay for yourselves.

If it's a real invitation on paper then I'd expect them to pay.

I think it's nice they paid for some wine TBH

junebirthdaygirl · 23/08/2017 08:12

Birthday persoon invites then they pay. Friends organise it for birthday person then friends pay..splittlng birthday person between them.

Beadieeye · 23/08/2017 09:08

It would have been a really shitty birthday for you if you've had had to pay for the privilege of your friends' company and been hundreds of pounds out of pocket for it. Not much of a birthday treat!
How can your friend not see that?

Justdontknow4321 · 23/08/2017 09:14

I would of expected to pay for my own meal and a share of the birthday girls meal...

SuperBeagle · 23/08/2017 09:14

I would expect to pay, and would expect that the 12 of us would pay for the birthday person's meal also.

Roomster101 · 23/08/2017 10:15

I think as some others have said in the UK, it depends on the invitation. If you receive a written invite to something then you would expect the host to pay. If it was a more casual "lets get together for my birthday" then everyone pays for themselves. That is certainly how my teenager's parties work and I don't see why things would be different as adults. The fact that you paid for the drink does suggest you were playing host so I can see why there was some confusion but your "friend" is being a bitch to make a big deal about it. Most people would just pay for themselves and forget about it.

MummytoCSJH · 23/08/2017 10:19

I'd expect to pay for my own meal, but I wouldn't expect to split the bill.

Aftershock15 · 23/08/2017 10:24

It definitely depends on the invitation (and also maybe the age of the host/guests). For dh last big birthday we invited friends to a lovely but expensive restaurant. I had always intended to pay, but after reading a thread like this had a panic that people might think I expected them to pay and possibly decline. Luckily no one did. So I think it does depend on circumstances. We have since been to similar meals for other friends - again the hosts pay and everyone understands this.

Mamadothehump · 23/08/2017 11:06

I think she was generous to buy drinks for 12!! I would always expect to split the bill between everyone including paying for the birthday girl.

Mamadothehump · 23/08/2017 11:20

Just seen that you are the birthday girl. Clearly I should RTFT!!!
She's not a friend op, just out for what she can get.

BabyAndBunny · 23/08/2017 11:37

I would definitely expect to pay - this sounds like a normal dinner out! Also when I've gone to things like this the other people usually split the cost of the birthday persons meal...... so really the opposite of what you suggest.

Is your friend surprised because wine was provided and thus something she didn't purchase was in the amount she needed to pay?

I would be surprised if the birthday girl paid to be honest...

thatisnotmydog · 23/08/2017 11:38

Depends who's doing the inviting.
Friends suggest going out to celebrate birthday girl's birthday - friends pay and chip in to cover the birthday girl's meal as well.

Birthday girl invites friends to a restaurant and expects them to pay for their meal - really cheeky. She should invite them to her house instead so it's not so expensive.

Having said that, I wouldn't cast it up years later!

zukiecat · 23/08/2017 11:52

I would expect to pay for my own

Had a similar experience last year, my friend's 50th, she asked if a group of friends and family would like to come along and help celebrate her birthday

I couldn't afford it, and told my friend this, she then said she would pay for me as a birthday treat as it was my birthday a couple of weeks later

Otherwise I would fully expect to pay for my own meal

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