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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If invited out, is paying for own meal reasonable or not please

179 replies

MirandaGoshawk · 22/08/2017 19:01

Opinions wanted! Friend was invited to a pub for her close friend's (evening) birthday meal. Bottles of wine were provided & there were 12 people in total. At the end of the meal, friend was surprised that they split the bill. She had expected the birthday girl to pay. Is she being unreasonable, or was the birthday girl being tight?

OP posts:
Original poster
MirandaGoshawk · 22/08/2017 19:23

In other words, not beyond anyone's expectation of the price of a pub meal, but OTOH not massively expensive if the birthday girl had chosen to pay. Not more than £300 probably. But she had already paid for the drinks.

OP posts:
Holidayhooray · 22/08/2017 19:23

Country pub in Devon.
13 people including her.
3 courses plus copious wine
£60 a head. And that's conservative i would say

£780

Alittlebitofthis · 22/08/2017 19:24

I'd expect to split the bill too

sadeyedladyofthelowlands63 · 22/08/2017 19:25

I would expect to pay - I've never been for a meal to celebrate someone's birthday and had them pay for all the guests! And as others have said, I would usually assume we were splitting the cost of the birthday person's meal as well.

Original poster
MirandaGoshawk · 22/08/2017 19:25

solarisIsAClassic: LOL it's a bit east of Exeter so does that make it inbred mid-Devon?

OP posts:
Lweji · 22/08/2017 19:26

If I invited people out for my birthday I'd pay for everyone.

Yes, and that's why I only invited friends for afternoon coffee last time. Grin

dun1urkin · 22/08/2017 19:27

I would also expect to pay for myself. It's weird to have expected birthday girl to pay, I would have been thrilled that drinks were provided.

LineysRun · 22/08/2017 19:29

Absolutely, Lweji. I think mine was pizza and icecream for six at my most generous!

But the point stands for me - I don't invite my friends out so that I can get a free meal or drink. They are doing me the favour of celebrating with me.

NetflixandBill · 22/08/2017 19:30

I would always expect to pay. If anything, the company should chip in a few pounds each so that birthday girl eats for free surely?

Talcott2007 · 22/08/2017 19:30

I'd have expected to split the meal and between the group cover cost of the birthday girls meal!

Brittbugs80 · 22/08/2017 19:30

I'd expect to pay for myself at least and wouldn't be surprised to expect the bill to be split with everyone except the birthday girl.

BakedBeans47 · 22/08/2017 19:33

I would always expect to pay.

Why would she have expected the birthday girl to fork out for 12 people's meal?

solarisIsAClassic · 22/08/2017 19:34

Bloody Sidmouth. I knew it!

I live in Topsham wonders if we know each other

impossible · 22/08/2017 19:36

I'd expect everyone to share the bill and leave the birthday girl out of the calculations. I thought most people did that.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/08/2017 19:37

She didn't want gifts. This was about a celebration together. Of course she shouldn't be expected to pay.

Montsti · 22/08/2017 19:38

I'd expect to pay and, in fact would feel more comfortable if the other attendees and I paid for the birthday girl...but I've been to lots of Birthday brunches recently and the person whose birthday it is has paid for everyone...I still offer though as I think it's unnecessary...I always take a present regardless who pays..

EllaHen · 22/08/2017 19:42

Definitely expect to pay.

I see the birthday girl paid for the wine. Very generous of her.

Your friend really is being mean spirited and rather entitled.

blackteasplease · 22/08/2017 19:42

I would certainly expect to pay for myself.

I would be quite happy and not surprised if every decided to chip in to cover the birthday girl,

In my experience only very rich people have the system where only one person (in this case the bday person) pays for the meal.

That said, it would put paid to those people who put pressure on others to shell out for expensive meals, hen weekends and whatever if the inviter had to pay for all the invitees! Not a bad idea in some ways, but impractical in others as most people just wouldn't end up going out.

Original poster
MirandaGoshawk · 22/08/2017 19:50

Thank you all. Yes, I'm the birthday girl!

It was 8 bloody years ago and yesterday is the second time that this person, who I thought was a close friend, has bitched to someone else about my birthday meal. The first time was a couple of years ago and the someone else couldn't remember exactly what was said because didn't connect it with me, and I assumed that she didn't like my other friends/the ambience/conversation. But after she moaned again I asked for specifics and it turned out to be because I didn't pay for everyone.

So I just wanted to get opinions and honestly didn't know what you all were going to say. I think if I personally was invited to a pub for a meal I would expect to pay and would be grateful that there was wine provided.

Thank you all!

OP posts:
Violetcharlotte · 22/08/2017 19:53

I would always expect to pay for myself in this situation.

HotelEuphoria · 22/08/2017 19:53

I can on,y think your friend doesn't get invited out much because she wouldn't have been surprised if she had more invites.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 22/08/2017 19:56

I'd definitely expect to pay for myself.

My parents have a group of friends & they all go out for each other's birthdays & the birthday person pays - which in itself seems crap to me! but it's how they do it. I don't know anyone of my generation that does that, which I think is good.

She paid for the wine, which was really nice of her. I'm surprised your friend expected her meal to be paid for.

ChasedByBees · 22/08/2017 19:56

I would always expect to pay. Your 'friend' is being ridiculous to still be whining about this 8 years later.

Shoxfordian · 22/08/2017 19:58

Your friend is unreasonable

fullofhope03 · 22/08/2017 19:58

Wow! Not only would I expect to pay for myself, but when it's one of my close friends, we split the bill and pay for the birthday girl!