Aibu to think that stbxhs gf has a hell of a cheek?

[QueenOfVipers]

STBXH pays maintanence based on his income. It's a large amount because his income is large, it's the cms minimum.
Private arrangement, but based on that calculation.

We co parent well, and he is happy to pay this amount plus he does an online shop once a month with stuff for our DD. Nappies, baby food, toiletries etc before and now that she's a bit older, some nice treats, a couple of staple items and sometimes a nice toy or magazine or some glitter pens if they stock them and around Mother's Day he also sent a bunch of flowers and a bottle of wine which was lovely of him. He also takes her to a soft play group which he pays for and he gives me a small cut of his yearly bonus. About 5%, to go towards something for DD.
this has been the case for the last 2 years on the first year it went towards a few experience days and museum visits and a trip away for myself and DD which STBXH was happy with this year it's gone on DDs first proper bed. (She did have one of those cots you can turn into a bed until this year).

We sometimes go out together - with DD and his GF too. Nothing dodgy, just maybe go and feed the ducks and have lunch together. We (STBXH and I) think it's good for DC to spend some time with us all together once a fortnight or so. Gf is very welcome in this btw. I'd never stop her coming.

GF can be very snide about me.
She has made a few comments and has snubbed me when I've bumped into her alone. I get it, she dislikes me, she doesn't have to be around me (while she is invited out with STBXH, dd and I she never has to come, it's an invite not a summons as mn would say).
But if she wants to be around me I will be nice and civil.
Yesterday we all took DD out and while DD was feeding the ducks we were sat on a bench watching her from about 6M away. STBXH went to the toilet so it was just me and GF.
Gf said she wanted to have a word with me about something, I said well er go ahead then.
Gf then started ranting for a couple of minutes about how I take all of STBXH s money and she thinks I trapped him (we were married for 10 years ) she thinks he's far too generous and he should just leave me destitute and if it's up to her DD will lose her dad when she gets pregnant and they will replace her.
She's sick of not having money for x y and z as we "take it all" from him and she hopes I fuck off soon.

I just replied actually I don't take anything, he pays the cms calculated amount and provides some extras at his own will. He likes to provide for his child well and see her in a good environment rather than us struggling, if you hate me so much you'd probably be better off leaving STBXH name because dd is a permanent fixture, much like STBXH involvement with us is.

She stalked off towards the toilets as STBXH came out, said something to him and looked like she was crying. I got dd and went over to talk to STBXH and he said I dunno wtf her problem is but I better go and find out and walked off. Dd and I came home and he hasn't said anything about the incident.
I'm honestly shocked at this level of venom.

Aibu to think she's a 18 carat dickhead?

You split up 3 and a half years ago, so your daughter is at least that age but needs nappies and baby food? Bit confused.

Nappies, baby food, toiletries etc before and now that she's a bit older, some nice treats, a couple of staple items and sometimes a nice toy or magazine or some glitter pens

Not difficult

Do you feel you were able to convey the situation as it happened & how nasty she actually was about DD & the money?!

kat see Greens comment.
That was before now. I thought I'd give background that it's not a recent thing. He first did it when she was about 7 or 8 months old and has done it every month or so since. So yes when it started she was at an age where she still had some formula along with food, nappies and such.

I do hope so Annie i told him everything that was said and he has said he will deal with it and I believe he will - I know him pretty well and I doubt he would take this lying down. I just hope she doesn't try to play the victim

You both sound lovely. Your dd is a lucky girl to have you. Your exdp's gf sounds like a grabby self centred cow on the other hand

How great that you co parent so amicably! Unfortunately, you STBXHs GF sounds like an immature girl.

Keep doing what you're doing, and don't slag her off, just state facts. If she's the one being spiteful and you keep your head high, he will see her true colours pretty sharpish.

QueenOfVipers you just sound as if you have it all together and don't want the unpleasantness.
After your Ex has spoken to her there will be bad feelings on her side, which unless he kicks her into touch, which I truly hope he does, your going to have to find a way over this, and the only way I could see was for you to explain to her that she has it all wrong.
I didn't realize she was as nasty as that about your DD, and I hope your Ex sets her straight. As I can now totally see why your vivid.
My ex always implied he had been cheated on, as if the children might not be his, and one day his fiance called him on it and said get DNA he had to tell her what and pay £250 a child so I could frame the I told you so letters.
I used to do the include her in meals, and such, even 5 years later she is still worried we could get back together. While I am grateful he ran off with her, as our lifes are so much happier without him being moody in the house.

My guess is that she's very miffed that, after nearly 2 years, he still isn't divorced and making a commitment to her. Joint outings with DD only makes it more obvious that he's happy with the status quo. He may even use your DD as an excuse to keep things that way. Her insecurity means she can't risk confronting him, so she sounded off at you instead.

I don't think there's anything you can do other than avoid her.

your stexh gf isnt alone in having that attitude i believe op. which is of course a horrible attitude.
you did well in your responses to her, as far as I can read it.

just leave them to it op, your ex will speak to his gf, you dont have to be involved in it

Are you expecting an update from him? Did he say he would talk with her and come back to you? The ball is in his court now to deal with this incident - but you should prepare for a load of shit to come back from her. It will show what a parent he is in how he responds to this.

If there is to-ing and fro-ing with him on she said/she said basis - just keep to the exact words that were said and repeat, repeat, repeat - simply with no other inference etc.

Is you DD old enough to to ask her how she is treated by GF?

I would watch this carefully - but you could be manipulated by her into doing the withdrawing of your DD from the relationship.

Bloody hell - I soooooo hope he dumps the bitch. He deserves someone decent.

This is horrible to read OP. I am in a situation where my ex-h no longer sees our 6 yo DS and hasn't done for more than 8 months. He denies that the OW is in any way involved with this however the woman holds such venom towards me and any attempt to communicate with him results in me receiving solicitors letters from her. If she truly cared about the welfare of my DS, as ex-h claims, she would not be behaving like this, it's as simple as that. I don't believe she wants my ex to have any contact and it became too difficult for him as they started a business that means they have to work long hours and weekends so are together 24/7. There is no room for my DS in their life. It is probably better given the bile OW has thrown at me. I think you've done exactly the right thing, your ex will realise soon enough that the GF is a vicious little bitch and has no place in his or his daughter's life. I do hope he is very careful with contraception. You've done an amazing job of co-parenting and he sounds like a wonderful dad. I hope that you find a way forward, you've been far far more patient and dignified than I would have been if faced with that

She has issues. I would tell your ex what she said and leave it there. She sounds jealous. He's providing for his kid, how he shod do!

he should just leave me destitute and if it's up to her DD will lose her dad when she gets pregnant and they will replace her.

Seriously? She said this?

If that's true than obviously it's very concerning, not least because it makes me wonder what she's saying to your DD.

I'm not expecting an update from him - he just said he will deal with it.
It's down to him now.
Fingers crossed they either A- break up or B- he puts her in her place and she snaps out of her twattery.
One can hope.

Dd is just about old enough to ask and I have tried to ask, I haven't had much from dd and wouldn't want to press but from what I can gather GF just doesn't spend much time with her while she's at her dads and that's fine by me - I don't expect her to.

She sounds stupid immature and a gold digger. Don't let your dad be around her on her own. But you have told him now so it's up to him, he might take a while to process it and think it all through, but really he should ditch her.

Good luck op, really crappy situation. I hope he sees sense.

Dd not dad

Lots has been said about the GF already that I agree with, but I do want to applaud you and stbxh for co-parenting in such a positive way

Thanks chocolate

i would hav said straight away what happnd

looks a bit funny if youv waitd shes prob already told him her messed up version an if it was so ba hs going to qustion why u didnt say anything

Bit late now Gabs it's done and he's been told - unless you've a time machine in your back pocket?

Sometimes situations happen like OP said X and GF went - there wasn't an opportunity - and I doubt OP wanted DD to be in earshot of the conversation

Better to be calm and measured than bring emotion into it

You have a good thing going - I'm sure X will agree and won't want to rock the boat with some third party causing issues

I think this is really common actually and you only have to look at step parenting to see how many second partners think that e.g. Maintenance should be reduced now that they're on the scene.

My ex has one of them actually, my name is not allowed to be mentioned because she isn't interested in speaking about someone who takes their money every month. . And ex's attitude to the money he gives me definitely changed after they got together, although to be fair to him he has never implied that he should reduce maintenance just that I ought to get a job so he doesn't have to pay it.

I do also think though that many second partners find it really difficult if a couple splits amicably, because there's always that fear that they could get back together if they're still happy spending days out together as a family etc, so while I have absolutely no doubt that this particular GF is a complete bitch for the stuff she's said, especially about how if she gets pregnant she'll make sure he doesn't see his dd, I also imagine that she's deeply insecure about her own position, given she's in a relationship with a man who has not yet taken steps to get divorced, still has regular days out with his ex and his child as a family. You are absolutely right to have that arrangement but equally she is not wrong for potentially feeling insecure about it, especially if she knows that your ex originally didn't want the split and suspects that he still has feelings for you. It's a difficult dynamic to enter as a new partner.

I really hope the Gf isn't pregnant and your ex carries on being the good dad he has been.