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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To complain that my partner lasts 30 seconds in the sack?!

170 replies

CleanFreak123 · 21/08/2017 22:33

No foreplay, lube straight out the drawer. He rolls me on my side and gives me 30 seconds.
I miss foreplay, feeling sexy, being turned on oh and having an orgasm!!!

OP posts:

TatianaLarina · 22/08/2017 00:07

you know some of us put up wth shit sex for years because we had young kids/yoo hard to leave/ excuses excuses excuses

The baby's only 16 weeks, she had 6 years to get out previous to that.

Alisvolatpropiis · 22/08/2017 00:09

16 weeks after having a baby isn't very long at all.

Your sex life may well recover really well. Or maybe it won't.

General intimacy is very important. Sex is a significant bonding experience but not the only one, general intimate acts like hugging and kissing are too.

AnyFucker · 22/08/2017 00:10

We are not talking about me, or you, vic.

Op gets rollled on her side. Lube applied. No check to see if she is either consenting or ready. 30 seconds later he is done and she feels used.

I can't muster any solidarity nor amusement for that.

stillvicarinatutu · 22/08/2017 00:14

ok.
my dp "rescued" me. i had a very abusive upbringing. he was exactly what i needed. when i needed it. sex was not a priotiry then. he helped me become the person i am now. he is kind. he is loving. we had 2 kids who are wonderful. he completed me as a person. sex? it was a minor thing. it didnt matter.

sometimes people grow and find this shit out later. i did. i wouldnt have left while my cd were little because while i didnt get fulfilled in the bedroom by kids were fulfilled as human beings. he loved them and he did everything he needed to for them. my needs did not matter becuse my childrens were fulfilled. he is a fabulous amazing dad who loves his kids more than anything. for me that trumped multiple orgasms.

stillvicarinatutu · 22/08/2017 00:18

i hope the op resoves this - one way or another. but its never black and white.
i salute those of you who knew all this and had the confidence to practice this early on.
i didnt.
i met my now dp at 42 ish sex is amazing. but he doesnt get me like dh did. we dont have shared history of 27 years.

stillvicarinatutu · 22/08/2017 00:19

its not as easy as ltb! it all im trying to say - not with 16week old.

itsbetterthanabox · 22/08/2017 00:20

That's depressing.
He clearly sees sex as only for him. Shows you what kind of man he is.
My DH would never do this because he's not into sex where his partner is getting no pleasure.
If he did I'd be pushing him off me and asking what he thought he was playing at!
Kissing, foreplay and a focus on your pleasure needs to start now. He could try those delay condoms to extend the time but maybe stop PIV and have him give you oral, fingers, toys.
The idea he doesn't want you to get wet he just smears on lube is so horrible. Do you see how he sees you? I'd rather not have sex than do this. Do you want this sex?

ShoesHaveSouls · 22/08/2017 00:21

"you know some of us put up wth shit sex for years because we had young kids/yoo hard to leave/ excuses excuses excuses"

That doesn't make the bad sex ok, or something to just put up with. OP was looking for 'solidarity'? Of other women gritting their teeth through bad sex? What's the point of that? SO she'll think "Oh, it's ok 'cause loads of other women have a crap sex life too..." ? It's not just bad sex - but completely selfish, meaningless sex. She might as well be a blow up doll.

This is salvageable. Sex is a participation thing - there are two people there. Two-way communication is key - and OP can/must start that. Even if it starts with a conversation the morning after "stop just rolling me over and applying lube - I'd quite like some pleasure out it too".

MyheartbelongstoG · 22/08/2017 00:22

Anyfuckers comments wouldn't prevent me coming back. She shoots from the hip and I like her style. Just tells you how it is, no bullshit, no fluff.

AnyFucker · 22/08/2017 00:24

The direction of this thread is not predominantly "ltb". It is "do not tolerate this". Maybe the end result is the same, maybe not.

stillvicarinatutu · 22/08/2017 00:27

no. i love AF. i always have. but for someone a little unsure or unconfident i think it might me intimidating. for someone seeking a bit of solidarity or validation to be told actually.....no. its just shit.

this is someones life. this is someones sex life. they kniw its a bit shit or they wouldnt post. but do they need to be told in such terms ? with a 16 week old baby? your life is shit op. you are a wank sock op. leave op. who kniwos what support network that poster has?

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 22/08/2017 00:28

Even if it starts with a conversation the morning after "stop just rolling me over and applying lube - I'd quite like some pleasure out it too"

Fuck, who'd a thunk it? Turns out women are people too!

WhamBamm · 22/08/2017 00:31

Quick name change because I've never told anyone IRL or otherwise this but DH is pretty awful in bed. Amazing in all other respects and I love him but hmm. Brief, clumsy, unfulfilling. I tried changing this repeatedly early on but he's oddly defensive about this. I know there was some abuse when he was early teens so I decided a long time ago that rather than cause him more pain I'd accept the shit sex. So I do. It's not horrible just not really worth getting sticky for I still do. Not nearly as much as I would if it was better but he doesn't know that and I have a lot of "me" time when he's working. Would I rather be having great sex, hell yeah, but if I can't have everything I'll take things how they are and maybe buy shares in duracell

AnyFucker · 22/08/2017 00:33

If all women stood up and said "I will not tolerate this and neither should you" then these fucking selfish men wouldn't get more than one shag

It's pretty fundamental that sex is meant to be a 2 way street. If you don't acknowledge that, there is something very wrong.

stillvicarinatutu · 22/08/2017 00:35

Af i agree but some women dont have those values from the off. its lovely if you do. some learn this the hard way. its not black and white! oh how lovely if it was!

AnyFucker · 22/08/2017 00:39

And by "you" I mean blokes like this one who don't even attempt to stimulate natural lubrication before they poke their penis in.

That is not just selfish, it denies that women can enjoy sex too. What kind of man enjoys that mindset ? I don't think I need to spell it out.

HelenaDove · 22/08/2017 00:42

Another Mner said on the feminist board "we are not dick bins"

Good description i thought.

ByGum · 22/08/2017 00:50

I know you wanted a lighthearted rant OP, for listers to giggle and eye roll in solidarity type thing, the fact that majority of posters are not doing this should indicate that it's something that most men do not do. It's hard to laugh at a man treating his partners body this way, and there's not a context in which it would be funny.

What you describe sounds like him using your body as a wank aid, him blurting is all that's important to him and he doesn't care that your comfortable and in the mood, that your enjoying yourself. Him focussing on himself and not even trying to please you shows that he doesn't care if you're enjoying it or not. He'd have to be the worlds biggest arrogant cunt if he genuinely believes your fulfilled and climaxing too.

@mostgirls I'm sorry you're going through the same.

Happytobefree17 · 22/08/2017 00:51

Have you ever had good sex OP? You don't have to answer that here if course. But what you are describing is beyond crappy selfish wankery sex.

ByGum · 22/08/2017 01:16

FWIW I've been with my Dh for 18 years, sex life has been up and down over the years, not every time has been earth shattering, and there's plenty of time one or both of us hasn't climaxed, but have still enjoyed it. It's always been about both of us enjoying it, every single time, if dh thought for one second I wasn't enjoying it, he would stop straight away and vice versa. There's no way he'd just stick his dick in me without making sure I was as aroused as him. Wanting a quick release/orgasm for just yourself without putting effort into your partners enjoyment is what masturbation is for.

There's a word for men who have sex without making sure his partner is enthusiastically consenting. I know you don't feel that label applies to him, but his behaviour does sounds rapey tbh.

CleanFreak123 · 22/08/2017 02:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Terfing · 22/08/2017 02:54

He sounds like a keeper! I bet he's beating the women off with a shitty stick! Phwooeer!

throwitaway123 · 22/08/2017 02:56

Um.

RedBullBlood · 22/08/2017 03:00

Lighthearted? You "were hoping others would complain about their dp's"? Why? Ffs, don't hate on others because they're getting a decent shag and you're not.

Contactlass · 22/08/2017 03:02

Passion. You're a bit dense if you don't get that those trying to help you are here are no more likely to be giving 3 hr uncomfortable bjs as they are being being thrust at for 30 seconds. They value themselves and they were expressing concern for you. HE finds it so appealing, HE just wants to get it in there HE can't hold back. Him him him him him...judging from your other posts..he actually is the cunt everyone suspects he is. Wake up.

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