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AIBU?

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Original poster

To complain that my partner lasts 30 seconds in the sack?!

170 replies

CleanFreak123 · 21/08/2017 22:33

No foreplay, lube straight out the drawer. He rolls me on my side and gives me 30 seconds.
I miss foreplay, feeling sexy, being turned on oh and having an orgasm!!!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 21/08/2017 23:14

OP I know you're making light of it and want to have a roll eyed giggle with other woman at your selfish dudes and this is probably your normal but honestly the thought I get is to have a spoon handy and tap his bell end when he waves it in your direction.

I've been with my husband longer and he's not a selfish in bed type. I have to be very firm about a quickie if I want one.

Have a sleep on it, you've obviously been irritated slightly for a while if you're posting about it. You need to have a conversation with your dude if you want change.

wotabastard · 21/08/2017 23:14

Saying you don't get a chance to decline is not jovial and sounds horrible. Sad

Like, he just decides to penetrate you and does it without discussion? Or are you lying or exaggerating?

e1y1 · 21/08/2017 23:15

It's hard for anybody (and easier to laugh it off) to hear they're accepting less than what they deserve.

Some people can be harsh at times.

OP, have/are you going to speak to him? A good sex life involves good communication, yes it's awkward, but explain you're not happy and suggest spicing things up a bit. You will end up resenting him in the end and that's not good for your relationship.

He could be completely oblivious that you're not enjoying it.

Voice0fReason · 21/08/2017 23:15

Are you happy with this situation?

The way you are trying to laugh it off suggests that you don't like it but don't think there is any chance of it changing so you are attempting to normalise it.

Despite the protests, there are countless couples who are having crap sex - sometimes it destroys the relationship, sometimes it doesn't. If you don't want it to damage your relationship you really do need to talk to him.

It's not funny, it's pretty grim.

stillvicarinatutu · 21/08/2017 23:16

sometimes folks its just not as simple as i m having bad sex, ill leave

great or you all in a posiiton to do that, great. this poster has a baby in tow.

op.
dont delete. theres no need. you can keep talking. some of us wont judge you, especially not with a baby in tow. talking is a good thing. helps process stuff.

MapMyMum · 21/08/2017 23:16

Take charge!! Show and tell him how you want sex to be. Get on top and make him slow down...teach him how you want to be touched etc. If he still doesnt seem to care then he really is a shit. I guess hes probably got a bit lazy

PyongyangKipperbang · 21/08/2017 23:18

The question "What's in it for me?" should be the first thing you ask when he suggests a shag. He wont like the implication but frankly its about time he realised how selfish he is being.

I had to say this to DH when the odd quickie became the norm. I pointed out that a quickie only worked for him and did precisely nothing for me. He did sulk a bit (no one likes being told they are shit in bed) but soon upped his game, especially when he realised that he would get more action in the sack if he gave as good as he got.

wotabastard · 21/08/2017 23:19

Do you not kiss and cuddle and take it from there with more touching etc? Obviously that can lead to a fun quickie or a longer session with bells and whistles on but is that not the basic starting point to any shag?

Flowers
stillvicarinatutu · 21/08/2017 23:20

i spent 27 years with the most lovely man who didnt do it for me in the sack.

we had 2 kids. we had a very good happy marriage.

now my dp is fab in he sack and not always so much in other areas of life. its a balance.
im happy.

judging op is shit. unhelpful.

doreen007 · 21/08/2017 23:21

Is he aware you are not happy with this pump-and-dump situation? Perhaps Viagra, or one of the alternatives can help? Once he has dumped, the ED tablet will still keep him hard for more action. Lots of men cum soon after putting it in, leaving us ladies wanting more.

mostgirls · 21/08/2017 23:21

I could have wrote this post !

ComputerUserNotTrained · 21/08/2017 23:21

I put up with this for years. IME it's corrosive and if you don't sort it out sharpish, you'll give up and just let him get on with it every single time until decent sex becomes a distant memory.

I know you meant this thread to be light hearted, but your partner isn't treating you with the respect you deserve.

HeddaGarbled · 21/08/2017 23:22

OP, this just isn't funny or lighthearted. This isn't posters having lost their funny bone or it being Monday etc. It is mega grim.

If this is genuine, neither you nor your partner have the slightest idea what a proper loving consensual sexual relationship is like.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/08/2017 23:23

why would you consent to sex where the possibility of not having an orgasm wasn't on the table? Or, it sounds like, affection, care, love or intimacy... Nothing at all. Just the opportunity to be not-his-hand.

Sorry we aren't laughing along but I find that really really sad. And I don't think a man that is that selfish, rude and mean in bed magically turns into a loving, caring, equal partner the moment he cums.

Slowcookerheaven · 21/08/2017 23:23

It can be shit sex and be consensual.

wotabastard · 21/08/2017 23:26

I think the comment about 'not getting a chance to decline' made folk question consent @slow

mostgirls · 21/08/2017 23:27

I'm in the same situation as you OP but have just been putting it off whenever he try's (which is rare)... We've been together for 4 years, and I'm sure he's only made me orgasm once! I've told him sooo many times about foreplay first etc, and he wanders why it hurts and I want to stop Hmm. I miss my ex who would make me orgasm sooo easily😂🙈

Acromantula · 21/08/2017 23:27

I wish my exP lasted only 30 secs. He used to go on and on and on until I was sore, then he'd keep going some more. It was really painful after a while. He blamed it on being circumcised, he said he had lost some of the feeling in his prick. But I've been with other men who'd been circumcised and they never had that issue.

And he used to try and get me into all sorts of weird positions. I blame it on the fact he used to do yoga. I used to keep saying, "No my legs don't bend like that! I'm not one of the women in your yoga class!"

I'm bloody glad he's now an ex!

mostgirls · 21/08/2017 23:27

I'm only 23 too so something needs to change I can't carry on the way we are!

stillvicarinatutu · 21/08/2017 23:28

well done folks. op is long gone. great job there on education.

wotabastard · 21/08/2017 23:32

She last posted 20 mins ago, not necessarily long gone. And you've badgered her about it being shit over and over again yourself @still Hmm

shivermytimbers · 21/08/2017 23:34

OP may have gone but that doesn't change the fact that many posters were making valid points.
What her partner was doing wasn't light hearted or nudge and wink territory. It sounded like he was using her as a masturbatory aid and had no regard for her as an actual human being. It made me feel very disheartened both reading the original post and seeing the OPs reaction to people's comments

stillvicarinatutu · 21/08/2017 23:35

would you come back?

no. i havnt. i feel ive been supportive. read some of these comments. i love AF but her comments would prevent me from returning if i was conflicted.

stillvicarinatutu · 21/08/2017 23:35

just put yourself in ops shoes. would you really come back?

wotabastard · 21/08/2017 23:40

It could well be a wake up call to deal with the issue. Who knows.

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