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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This situation

515 replies

Letstryagainshallwe · 21/08/2017 21:28

I went out with my friend on Saturday night. Rare for me as I hardly ever go out. We went to a club had a good time then got to her car and she had a parking ticket. She was pissed off and moaning about how it's unfair that she has to pay out and none of us do as none of us drive except her (there was 4 of us out.) we get in the car and her sister suggests that we all pay some of it spilt between us. I said I couldn't as I don't have the money to pay out and it's not my fault she parked where she shouldn't have anyway she went ballistic! Because I refused. And kicked me out of her car at 4am in the middle of the street. Literally stopped the car in the middle of the road and told me to get out. I was miles from home and had to get out and ended up having to call a cab to pick me up. I haven't spoken to her since. Wibu for not contributing?

OP posts:
Cherrytart6 · 23/08/2017 20:19

However it's unforgivable to chuck you out of the car. A very stupid thing to do to anyone!

MsGameandWatching · 23/08/2017 20:25

Can you imagine the thrashing the driver would be getting if you had said he was your boyfriend..

Which would of course be an entirely different thread as they are in a close personal relationship with each other so can be expected to be able to rely on each other and have each other's best interests at heart. Clearly neither OP or driver friend had each other's best interests at heart.

I asked before, where is your personal responsibility in this OP? It must have been obvious the way the discussion was headed, why not just agree to lay out the money that you ended up having to pay anyway to get yourself safely home?

Also as has been asked repeatedly, though I may have missed the answer, how were you behaving in the car at 4 am when you'd be drinking, after a night of clubbing? Was it a calm measured discussion? Did you just quietly disagree or did you get shouty and lairy and tell driver it was her own problem?

Original poster
Letstryagainshallwe · 23/08/2017 20:34

I did answer maybe learn to read. I said it descended into an semi argument. Either way as a lot of people have said still not right to chuck someone out. I tried more than once to drop it but her and her sister kept going on. But yh sure it was all me not two ganging up against one.

OP posts:
Cherrytart6 · 23/08/2017 20:40

How much petrol money did you give her

MsGameandWatching · 23/08/2017 20:51

Oh I can read, clearly. My people skills are such though that somehow I have never been thrown out of anyone's car in the middle of the night. If you were half as petulant and self centred in that car as you are on here and I rather suspect you were much worse with a few cocktails inside you then I think only a saint would have continued to give you a lift home and most people aren't saints. You made your choices and that's the outcome you got. Take some personal responsibility in this and this is a good lesson to you that you can't stamp those high heeled clubbing shoes of yours and still get your own way.

Original poster
Letstryagainshallwe · 23/08/2017 20:56

Well 90% of people have said she was wrong to kick me out! So i will take that I reckon Grin.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 23/08/2017 21:14

MsGameandWatching can you not agreed it was morally wrong to kick someone out of the car that late at night, even if you were arguing with them.
Forget if Lets was nasty or not, she was approached by some bloke on the street, was frightened and would NEVER have gone out for the night with this woman had she realized just how spiteful she could be if as the drive she stamped her heels and expected to get her own way, just becasue she failed to read the road signs when she parked her own car...... after all who do you think would have been fined if it wasn't paid..... no court in the land would ask the passengers to pay the ticket because your not responsible enough to park your own car.

GnomeDePlume · 23/08/2017 21:16

Maybe only 1/10 said she was right to kick you out of the car but far more said you should have contributed to paying the parking ticket so you may want to reflect on that a bit.

mummmy2017 · 23/08/2017 21:18

Repeat no court in the land expects passengers to pay a fine a driver receives,,, why do you think this is the LEGAL view,

arethereanyleftatall · 23/08/2017 21:24

And about 80% have said you should have contributed. Will you take that?

mummmy2017 · 23/08/2017 21:27

So morally she should help pay the fine.
But morally the driver was ok to chuck her out at night
Way to go double standards.

Changeschangechangeagain · 23/08/2017 22:56

Had a similar situation - not parking ticket but more damage to an already damaged mirror on exiting car park.

I got kicked out on a motorway and walked 10 miles to phone box in cold, pitch black winter night. I had no idea where I was at first.

I chose to not back down when she kicked me out of the car. I was gobby about it. Friends in car were more hers than mine. They just kept quiet although when they drove off one of the girls wasn't happy about leaving me there. If I'd apologised then I could have been let back in the car.

In the end she phoned up to moan that no one else would cough up and she expected me to pay half. She was very persistent but I didn't back down. She wasn't phoning to check I'd got back ok.

My parents said I should never had put myself in that position. She was a flaky friend and I should not be trusting her with my safety. She had been drinking too earlier.

Even though I was an adult, my parents refused to let me get any lifts with her again. They'd rather I got a taxi or get them to give me lifts than give her petrol money. She wasn't welcome in our house anymore.

She got annoyed I wouldn't get lifts with her and the others anymore as we'd split petrol costs previously. The friendship was over although I had to fake congeniality for our mutual friends.

Original poster
Letstryagainshallwe · 23/08/2017 23:01

Some seem hell bent to make out I was the argumentative one. The coversation didn't go "I am so annoyed I got this ticket" (sister) "well I think everyone should contribute to it" (me) "no sorry i can't afford it" "ok well thats out of order but whatever" she obviously didn't just drop it! It was no I can't afford it "but why you should your out of order" etc. obviously the one who got the ticket is more likely to be the one in a mood/annoyed. Anyway as it's been said no court in the land would make us split it so I will take that Grin

OP posts:
flamingnoravera · 23/08/2017 23:22

I can see all sides. Driver was hopping mad because she got a ticket. Asks for contributions to ticket and OP says no, driver thinks "fuck you then". All in the heat of the moment and after a long night and when feeling tired and stressed.

There are all manner of could have's and should have's in this scenario but I think I'd have done anything to placate the driver and then tried to negotiate the following day when tempers were less frayed and rational thought returned.

In a fit of temper of "I'm always the driver and now it's cost me £80 (or whatever) to drive you lot", I might have been tempted to stop if I was the driver and say "get out then". But I'd have been overcome with guilt within 20 metres and come back and said, "let's talk about it in the morning, get back in, I'm sorry, I'm tired and this was the last straw".

Cherrytart6 · 23/08/2017 23:36

How much did you pay towards petrol and parking?

Changeschangechangeagain · 23/08/2017 23:45

It was my friends attitude that got me. The expectation that I would pay for her already broken mirror from her bad driving.

I don't think I was stroppy about it. I think I was being quite jokey and assertive at first but I did get argumentative at the end. I did have the money and she knew it.

There were other issues that night. Something had gone on with her boyfriend, she'd overspent that month and I'd just had my belated birthday money.

If it was a parking ticket then I probably would have contributed if I'd done both there and back with her. As it was she was just giving me a lift home.

I don't think I'd be happy if I was being pressurised into paying. I think it should be your choice to offer to help towards it.

My other friend always gets parking tickets and never expects us to pay but she never accepts petrol money either. We have to tell her where to park.

balsamicbarbara · 23/08/2017 23:46

Everything is immaterial compared to the being abandoned issue. That is never be friends again territory so everything else is now irrelevant.

Original poster
Letstryagainshallwe · 23/08/2017 23:49

We all gave her a fiver before she set off. She didn't ask for money for parking as she didn't pay anywhere she just parked up. Wondering why the amount of
Petrol money is relevant?

OP posts:
Changeschangechangeagain · 23/08/2017 23:59

I totally agree balsamicbarbara

I would never risk my friends safety that way.

Cherrytart6 · 24/08/2017 00:02

£5 is a fair enough contribution to petrol.

Original poster
Letstryagainshallwe · 24/08/2017 00:26

Just came across this..
British Transport Police figures show 1,448 offences were reported in 2016/17, compared with 650 incidents in 2012/2013.

So 1448 sexual offences were reported in 2016/17 and that's just the ones that were reported and yet going home at 4am alone dressed in clubbing gear is a "total non issue"

OP posts:
IneedaMagnum · 24/08/2017 03:51

Legally you were not required to contribute no. But morally you were.

Legally, as well as morally, the driver is allowed to chuck you out of her car. She absolutely does not need to do someone who is horrible to her a favour.

Anyway, it's not looking like you're going to grasp where you went wrong. However, the ex-friend realised what kind of person you were and she's rid of you, so all's well that ends well.

GnomeDePlume · 24/08/2017 06:39

She was someone giving you a lift not your guardian. No coat, no shoes you could walk in, no idea where you were (despite being only 2 miles from home). That is all down to you.

Anything during that evening could have resulted in you having to make your way home on your own (illness of the driver, a breakdown, an accident.....) yet you put all the responsibility on the driver to get you home safe.

Grow up and take some responsibility for yourself.

balsamicbarbara · 24/08/2017 09:03

Ineedamagnum Why is there a moral requirement to share in the penalties caused by the driver? If the driver had got a speeding fine on the night should that be shared too? If they'd crashed into someone and killed them, is the moral responsibility shared by all the passengers? It's the drivers lookout. Anything beyond that is generosity and friendship only.

DevilsDumplings · 24/08/2017 09:08

Sorry but you're not a friend, you're a freeloader. However, she should not have made you get out of the car. That was irresponsible of her.

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