Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This situation

515 replies

Letstryagainshallwe · 21/08/2017 21:28

I went out with my friend on Saturday night. Rare for me as I hardly ever go out. We went to a club had a good time then got to her car and she had a parking ticket. She was pissed off and moaning about how it's unfair that she has to pay out and none of us do as none of us drive except her (there was 4 of us out.) we get in the car and her sister suggests that we all pay some of it spilt between us. I said I couldn't as I don't have the money to pay out and it's not my fault she parked where she shouldn't have anyway she went ballistic! Because I refused. And kicked me out of her car at 4am in the middle of the street. Literally stopped the car in the middle of the road and told me to get out. I was miles from home and had to get out and ended up having to call a cab to pick me up. I haven't spoken to her since. Wibu for not contributing?

OP posts:
JuicyStrawberry · 22/08/2017 00:19

Whatever moral high ground she thought she had was ruined when she kicked you out of the car at 4am. You not paying towards the ticket is no excuse for that at all.

xMedusax · 22/08/2017 00:19

Sorry but YABU. I'm a non driver, and I fully appreciate how much money, time & responsibility (such as in this case) it takes to run a car. She is doing you all a massive favour, and I'm just going to assume it's far from the first time she's done it.

She absolutely WBU chucking you out of the car at 4am, but then again, maybe she was feeling incredibly hurt & perhaps a little used? I know I'd be very upset about it. Especially since she couldn't go and enjoy the night out and drink herself, she was putting herself out for you. I'm not trying to justify her leaving you there though, it's not on. Neither however, was your behaviour IMO.

Did any of you tell her before leaving the car parked that she was parking inappropriately (you mentioned it was her responsibility for inappropriate parking)? If not, why? If you knew, and didn't tell her that's pretty rotten. If however you were ignorant to it also, then perhaps give her less of a hard time for making a mistake, and make the effort to support her through it.

It sounds as if she's trying to do nice things for her friends, and getting a bit of a slap in the face for it. Regardless of her being responsibly for the mistake, if she wasn't ferrying you all around then she wouldn't be in that situation anyway.

I have to be honest, my friends wouldn't need to ask for the money in the first place, I would offer something towards it just to be a nice friend. Even if all I could afford was a tenner. No way would I have friends ferry me about, and when/if THEY got in a pickle, leave them on their own with it. I think perhaps she's upset at the lack of gesture, not the money.

JessieMcJessie · 22/08/2017 00:43

FFS there are some bonkers people on this thread. I am sure nobody held a gun to the woman's head and forced her to be the designated driver. She must have volunteered and decided for reasons of her own that not drinking was better than splitting a cab both ways. Do you think she might be secretly pregnant OP?

Of course you should not have contributed to the fine. Entirely her responsibility to park legally. And as a driver in London I can vouch that getting parking tickets now and then is not in any way inevitable. Reading signs and understanding road markings are basic skills and she was a fuckwit not to have looked into and planned parking before she left home. What a bitch to chuck you out of the car. Just cut contact and find better friends.

LadyMaryCrawley1922 · 22/08/2017 00:49

I can understand the driver being frustrated if she's the one who always drives and is therefore the only one to have all the negative aspects. She can't drink when she goes out, she has to be the responsible one, and apparently now she gets parking tickets

Oh behave. She chooses to drive, no one can make her. So she chooses not to drink. She also chooses where she parks her own car, no-one else did that. And she's not responsible at all given that she kicks out her friends to walk home in the middle of the night because she's pissed off at her own stupidity at getting a parking ticket!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 22/08/2017 00:54

YANBU

She was driving, it's her responsibility to park legally. End of.

I drive, I'm almost always the driver if we go out in the evenings & pick friends up & drop them home. I park my car - my responsibility. There's absolutely no way I'd accept money from friends if I got a parking fine.

She's no friend anyway, dumping you out of the car at 4am, irrespective of where you were.

jay55 · 22/08/2017 00:56

It wasn't a massive favour. The group could have gone on the bus/tube and shared a cab/uber/whatever back. The driver took a risk on not paying for parking and it didn't come off. It is not like london is known for its generous free parking is it? Most streets are metered or permits etc.

And it is very easy not to know an area half a mile from home, let alone two if you don't go there often, don't go past on the bus, don't drive through or whatever.

And uber are always giving out discount codes, maybe the op had put one on her app and didn't remember.

User5Million · 22/08/2017 00:57

Christ. What the fuck is wrong with this place, sometimes?
If I drive my friends somewhere, then park illegally, the fine is my fault. Not theirs. YANBU for refusing to pay. And frankly, I'm glad I'm not friends with the rest of these posters who think someone is U for refusing to contribute to a parking fine that is nothing to do with them!

User5Million · 22/08/2017 01:00

What if she'd got a fine for speeding, or going through a red light? Does everyone saying 'OP you are an unreasonable bitch for refusing to pay. How dare you not pay for someone else's mistake/bad parking?! Don't you know how much it costs to run a car?!', think that the passengers should also contribute towards a speeding fine just because they happened to be in the car? Absolutely fucking bonkers.

ChuffCloud · 22/08/2017 01:09

No OP you shouldn't pay the fine, it was the drivers responsibility. You should contribute to fuel and parking costs though.

To the nutters saying that a speeding fine is different, what the AF? The driver is entirely responsible for ensuring the car is driven and parked correctly. It is not in anyway difficult to look at the road markings and signs to see if you're parking in a restricted area.

Samoyedydog · 22/08/2017 07:26

I really don't think you were being unreasonable to not pay OP. She chose to park the car there how can it be anyone else's fault!? And I'm sure she wasn't forced into driving, she must have wanted to otherwise you'd just all get a taxi! In her situation I'd be really pissed off with myself and would never expect anyone else that was with me to pay. Her kicking you out was beyond ridiculous, you don't need friends like that!

Donttouchthethings · 22/08/2017 08:54

I'm just looking at this from another angle.

How come no one else got out of the car with you? Were they all just watching as you got out? Are they all people you think of as friends?

Astella22 · 22/08/2017 09:43

Id of kicked you out too! Just plain meanness not to offer to contribute.

LadyMaryCrawley1922 · 22/08/2017 09:48

Id of kicked you out too! Just plain meanness not to offer to contribute

It's not them thats the mean one. Kicking out people to walk in the middle of the night because you're a dick that can't park properly? What is wrong with you?

Penny4UrThoughts · 22/08/2017 09:52

I'm still curious as to whether the op offered any petrol money to the driver.

If not, it might explain why the driver got so pissed off. Not saying it was right, but she might have felt taken advantage of, hence her reaction.

The fact that op hasn't answered the people that have asked (I've seen 3, but there may be more) would indicate she was expecting the driver to pay for fuel too.

LadyMaryCrawley1922 · 22/08/2017 09:53

I'm still curious as to whether the op offered any petrol money to the driver

Are you? You might not be if you had bothered to read the thread, as OP said more than once that she did in fact pay petrol money.

ItsNachoCheese · 22/08/2017 09:54

Surely it is the drivers responsibility to make sure they are adequately parked since they are the one driving?

RainbowPastel · 22/08/2017 09:54

StarStarSHE DID PAY PETROL MONEY. StarStar

So many people asking the same question because they haven't read the thread.

RedHelenB · 22/08/2017 10:05

Ywbu. You had other means to get home safely.

LadyMaryCrawley1922 · 22/08/2017 10:07

Ywbu. You had other means to get home safely

Did the "friend" know that?

I actually disgusted that women think it would be ok to leave another women alone, with drink taken, dressed for clubbing, in the city in the middle of the night. And because of their own stupidity.

Anyone on the yabu side should be ashamed of themselves. I would say I hope you don't treat your friends this way but I doubt you have any friends.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 22/08/2017 10:11

Definitely not ashamed of myself for knowing that the OP is bu. What an odd thing is say.

Her friend shouldn't have chucked her out for sure. But if the OP hadn't been such a tight arse in the first place that situation would never have happened.

LadyMaryCrawley1922 · 22/08/2017 10:13

Tight arse? You expect your friends to pay for your parking mistakes in your car when you are driving, and you think they are the tight arses? Try a mirror sweetheart. Hmm

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 22/08/2017 10:17

I'd expect them to offer, as I would. But then I am nice, and so are my friends. Thankfully in the real world, I don't seem to know many people with an attitude like the OP's and a slim minority on this thread.

LadyMaryCrawley1922 · 22/08/2017 10:20

No, you're not nice at all. Pay your own parking fines like a normal person. Better still, park properly.

catmumof1 · 22/08/2017 10:20

YWBU to not split the fine with her, even as non drivers surely one of the four of you should have seen a no parking sign. They're not a mystery only readable to people who have passed a driving test so you were all equally responsible for parking somewhere illegally.

SWBU to kick you out but I would do and have done the same (but I looped around and picked them up because it IS dangerous to abandon someone late at night)
I get quite annoyed driving non-drivers around and your ignorant attitude to the ticket would piss me off. Being the designated driver isn't just about petrol money, presumably you don't live next door to her so she had to go out of her way to pick you up which is something non-drivers don't consider in my experience.

MsGameandWatching · 22/08/2017 10:20

Nope, no shame here either.

Anyone on the yabu side should be ashamed of themselves. I would say I hope you don't treat your friends this way but I doubt you have any friends

I actually have loads of friends, going decades back. Maybe it's because they know I will always have their back and not assume the "well that's your problem" position when things go wrong for them on a day/evening out where we were all in it together.