Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is my friend living on another planet?

361 replies

Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 10:38

A friend of mine I haven't seen for a while has asked to meet up at the weekend. She originally said could we meet for brunch and asked me to suggest a time and place so I suggested 11 somewhere central for both of us (this is a normal time for brunch right?!?!). She replied saying that was a bit early for her as she likes to sleep in at the weekend (fair enough, I did too pre-toddler), and suggested 1pm. I said fine.

She then a few hours later texted saying would I mind meeting for dinner instead as she'd forgotten she had a delivery coming. Again I said fine. She suggested we meet at 9pm. This to me is ridiculously late for dinner but whatever, I could live with it so I said fine, but just FYI I won't be able to bring DS (the original plan was for me to bring DS as she wanted to see him - this was her request, not mine as I'd much rather have a peaceful meal without him!).

She then said something along the lines of oh no why not, I really want to see him. I pointed out that 9pm was 2 hours past his bedtime. She then asked why I couldn't just keep him up. I explained that he would go into meltdown mode through overtiredness and no one would have a nice time.

She has now gone into a huff with me saying I am being difficult and he needs to be able to come "off routine" sometimes or he will be "impossible to manage" as he gets older.

Surely IANBU here?! I am not a dragon about his routine at all, but if I take him out for dinner at 9pm it will be hell for everyone involved. He's 18 months.

I haven't replied to her last message yet.

OP posts:
Timefortea99 · 21/08/2017 21:42

I am an adult and I would be a bit grizzly if I was going for a meal at 9!

ChasedByBees · 21/08/2017 22:32

She's being completely ridiculous. I know it hurts to lose a friendship but she basically wants you to dance to her tune and apologise if your real life gets in the way of her ludicrous requests.

The way she spoke to you today was appalling.

I'd probably just reply 'All the best' and treat it as a goodbye.

zeezeek · 21/08/2017 22:40

Maybe she is being ridiculous, maybe she is batshit. But maybe there is another side to the story and it will have a different slant to the OPs. There are some nasty comments about childfree people on here

SonicBoomBoom · 21/08/2017 22:42

Christ almighty op. She's a rocket. It's sad for you that she's taking it out on you. I'd maybe reply

"Righto. I don't know if you're drunk or what but maybe when you get your head straight you should reread this conversation again and see how ridiculous you're being. Until then, definitely best to cancel."

SonicBoomBoom · 21/08/2017 22:44

Is it maybe a test? She's wanting to push you to see how much you (and DS) will inconvenience yourself to please her, hence the constant change of plans, and now she's huffing. Maybe she's been dumped by a guy she was dating or something?

Not that that makes it any better.

PumbletonWakeshaft · 21/08/2017 22:44

You need to call her out on her bizarre behaviour, as clearly she is believing her narrative on this. Don't let her make out it was you being unreasonable and go unchallenged.

"You're being bizarre and unreasonable and have really upset me. I don't know what has got into you but this is not the friend I know. I hope the old

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 21/08/2017 22:51

She's put a PA post on bloody Facebook now

"Fed up of always being taken for granted and taken advantage of"

If that was in response to you (always hard to tell when twats insist on vaguebooking) you totally need to say something in a comment.
"Always here for you, but you keep cancelling meet ups and insisting my baby comes out for a meal in a restaurant at 9pm. Let me know when you can agree on a mutually agreeable time."
Call her out on it.
Then hide her or unfriend her. (dont block as she won't see and it won't show up.)

0utForAWalkBitch · 21/08/2017 22:59

Wow, she's being a dick.

If she's not usually like this, if it's out of character, I'd treat it with kindness as she's probably got something else going on and is lashing out at you as a "safe" place to vent her frustrations. Don't roll over and take it, but call her out on being unreasonable without being aggressive or mardy and give her the space to come back when she's got a grip. But in nicer language, there's been some good suggestions up-thread.

If she has form for it I'd cut and run.

SleepingStandingUp · 21/08/2017 23:00

If she's not usually this weird I'd give her a couple of days and text asking to talk

Noregretsatall · 21/08/2017 23:09

Sorry OP. I can imagine how upset you are if she really is a long standing friend. Not nice at all, our friends are supposed to support and sustain us. She really is being massively unreasonable though. Don't reply to the text or respond to the FB post - maintain a dignified silence.

GabsAlot · 21/08/2017 23:23

what a bellend sorry but thats not a friend

i dont demand my friends with dc come out at stupid o clock i go wih what is convienieent for them

she sounds very immatur-how are you taking advantage when she rearrangd it in the first place

oh im off for a late lunch now think i got it right or is it brunch at this time?

redsquirrel2 · 21/08/2017 23:32

Looks like the moral high ground is up for grabs here, wait till tomorrow when she might be regretting that text in the cold light of day and say you're concerned about her and ask her what she meant. If you want to keep her as a friend. If not just leave it completely, there's probably no point in engaging her in any reasoned debate.

mummymummums · 21/08/2017 23:35

Always upsetting to fall out with friends but she sounds really hard work. I think I'd want to comment on her Facebook post with:
"Oh poor you. Hope all is well. I know exactly how you feel. I arranged for me and DS to meet a friend for brunch, then willingly changed it to dinner at her request. Then she wanted to have dinner at 9pm. Again I agreed. Then she got the hump with ME can you believe it, because I wouldn't bring 18 month old DS with me for the 9pm meal. Then she suggested meeting a week later at 9pm so that I have time to prepare DS for a late meal and night out! Just wow isn't it??? Then she said I was inflexible. It's impossible to deal with some people isn't it."
But I guess I'd only do that if I was ready to say goodbye to the friendship. From what you've said and her unkind comments I'd have reached that stage!

Cheby · 21/08/2017 23:45

I'd text back with 'You're being completely unreasonable and a bloody loon to boot, I think not meeting up is definitely for the best' then delete and block.

Motoko · 22/08/2017 01:16

I thought she'd cancel it. She came across as quite controlling, so because she didn't get her own way, she's throwing this passive aggressive shit at you.

I wouldn't bother replying because unless you're going to go back grovelling, apologising and letting her have her own way, she won't be interested. She obviously feels that she's bent over backwards for you and you're still being awkward because you won't dance to her tune.

I'm sorry.

TheDowagerCuntess · 22/08/2017 04:38

She changed the plans twice and then lost her shit when you couldn't make the third time.

Leave her to it.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 22/08/2017 04:47

No,wonder she's single with no few friends! Leave her to it. Her loss but definitely not yours OP!

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 22/08/2017 06:11

But maybe there is another side to the story and it will have a different slant to the OPs. There are some nasty comments about childfree people on here

I have said nothing nasty about childfree people at all

I'm not really sure what other slant could be put on the situation really

OP posts:
BouleBaker · 22/08/2017 07:48

Definitely do not put a link to this thread on her fb comment unless you want your friendship to end in a bonfire of recriminations.

Anatidae · 22/08/2017 08:10

Fed up of always being taken for granted and taken advantage of

Arrrrggghhhh my god people who do that are so so so so so annoying.

I think this is one friendship you can kiss goodbye to.

Whinesalot · 22/08/2017 08:50

"Oh poor you. Hope all is well. I know exactly how you feel. I arranged for me and DS to meet a friend for brunch, then willingly changed it to dinner at her request. Then she wanted to have dinner at 9pm. Again I agreed. Then she got the hump with ME can you believe it, because I wouldn't bring 18 month old DS with me for the 9pm meal. Then she suggested meeting a week later at 9pm so that I have time to prepare DS for a late meal and night out! Just wow isn't it??? Then she said I was inflexible. It's impossible to deal with some people isn't it."

I love this. It is so truthful but tbh the dignified silence is probably the best way to go.

Either way, I think you have outgrown the friendship. I agree that she resents your change of circumstance.

Peanutbuttercheese · 22/08/2017 08:51

Well it's obvious why she is single and why she loses friends as well. I have a SIL who has always made everything about her. She was the root cause of DH and I breaking up temporarily at the beginning of this year.

cheeseandpineapple · 22/08/2017 09:06

Her take:

Mountain hasn't made any effort to be in touch. It's been a while since we met up so I got in touch as I'd really like to see her and mountain jnr. She suggested a ridiculously early time to meet up and then when I realised I had a delivery and needed to make it dinner she said fine but without the baby even though I said to her how much I wanted to see the baby. She hasn't made any effort to meet up as she's too involved in her child and no doubt her new friends with babies and when I make the effort to meet up, she can't be flexible and bring Mountain jnr and put up with a bit of inconvenience even though she knows I'd love to see him too. But somehow I'm made to feel like the selfish one for wanting to see her son and spend some time with him and asking her to adjust her routine just for one night. She's made such a big deal of how difficult it would be for her to bring him for dinner and how flexible she's being for me when I've been the one to make the effort in the first place to meet. Blah blah.

No exuse for her reaction and attitude but before you have children of your own it's possible you might see them as a fun accessory and not really get the less cute parts until you walk in those shoes.

Plus if her reaction is so out of character, it sounds like maybe other stuff going on that means she's generally not in the happiest of places.

Again no excuse but maybe the grown up thing to do is to say something like -you didn't mean to upset her and seem to have hit a raw nerve, your friendship means a lot and can you meet up and talk about what's upset her as you were looking forward to seeing her, really appreciated her getting in touch in the first place and making the effort to meet up as you miss her and want to catch up properly.

If she's meh about it, you know you've gone above and beyond and have outgrown the friendship.

MsHarry · 22/08/2017 09:12

YANBU. I'd have text back after the first issue to say you suggested 11 because brunch is not at lunchtime! Dinner at 9? Are you in a hot country? Just back from Spain where they eat late due to the heat. No I wouldn't take a child out at 9 to eat unless as I said , in a hot country it was the norm for said child. Does she have children?

GlitteryFluff · 22/08/2017 09:41

She sounds bonkers but I also wonder if something else is going on behind he scenes.
I'd be tempted to wait a few days and then ask her if everything is ok because her recent behaviour is not like her. And go from there.

Swipe left for the next trending thread