or is my friend living on another planet?

[Mountainviewloo]

A friend of mine I haven't seen for a while has asked to meet up at the weekend. She originally said could we meet for brunch and asked me to suggest a time and place so I suggested 11 somewhere central for both of us (this is a normal time for brunch right?!?!). She replied saying that was a bit early for her as she likes to sleep in at the weekend (fair enough, I did too pre-toddler), and suggested 1pm. I said fine.

She then a few hours later texted saying would I mind meeting for dinner instead as she'd forgotten she had a delivery coming. Again I said fine. She suggested we meet at 9pm. This to me is ridiculously late for dinner but whatever, I could live with it so I said fine, but just FYI I won't be able to bring DS (the original plan was for me to bring DS as she wanted to see him - this was her request, not mine as I'd much rather have a peaceful meal without him!).

She then said something along the lines of oh no why not, I really want to see him. I pointed out that 9pm was 2 hours past his bedtime. She then asked why I couldn't just keep him up. I explained that he would go into meltdown mode through overtiredness and no one would have a nice time.

She has now gone into a huff with me saying I am being difficult and he needs to be able to come "off routine" sometimes or he will be "impossible to manage" as he gets older.

Surely IANBU here?! I am not a dragon about his routine at all, but if I take him out for dinner at 9pm it will be hell for everyone involved. He's 18 months.

I haven't replied to her last message yet.

She's definitely jealous of you. If it's not that she's the last single one, it's most likely that she doesn't like that you got there first.

Since DD was born my sister pulled shit like this too, trying to show how self absorbed I was, etc for not giving into her demands. Didn't get very far as most people she was trying it with were family who already had children

Your crime here was to call her on the "fitting in with everyone else" comment. She was expecting an apology, and appreciation for fitting you in.

From what you say, she was never going to say, "Actually yes, i hadn't thought of it like that." The only way she remains in the right is to flip it back at you.

People change and grow up, your friend is not one of them.

FWIW I think you got it totally right not trying to fit in with her at the start when she wanted you to meet two hours after your child's bedtime despite you already saying it wouldn't work. I spent ages trying to fit round a child free relative and doing what she suggested even when I knew it wouldn't work, but was assured I was being unreasonable, or apologising profusely when I had to say, "That really won't work," and was given the silent treatment. I should have nipped it in the bud from the start and saved myself eons of hassle.

She is not jealous but she is resentful, they are not the same thing! She resents that you have to make plans around your toddler, but I don't think she is jealous. You have had a child not her yet she feels as she is having to accommodate your child - not jealousy, resentment

That's a bigger tantrum than my 18 month old would have if I had brought him to the 9pm meal. Well done! p.s...'Centres of the universe' don't usually change their arrangements 3 times to suit someone else, they are the ones demanding the changes so perhaps this says more about you than it ever says about me.'

You have to send this

She's not jealous - why would she be, she gets to sleep in to whatever time, and revolve her life around herself.

She's just annoyed at not being the centre of the OP's universe.

I'd ignore her text, and let her come to you - if she ever decides to.

Bloody he'll what a horrible woman. Much as I would be itching to justify myself after such a bitter and scaring text, I think maintaining dignity is key here. Block her number, and leave her to stew in her own bitter juices. If your other mutual friend doesn't want anything to do with her either, I think that's quite telling. And no, yanbu!

Please please please just send her a link to this thread! Sounds like an awful friend to have so you wouldn't be losing anything!

Blimey I'm glad I never had a 'friend' like that! She's bonkers When and if she does have children I hope she has hyperactive triplets

She's put a PA post on bloody Facebook now.

Definitely sounds like you're better off without her. I recently ceased contact with someone I've been friends with since I was 16 (I'm now 29), I just realised the last few times we met up that as we've grown older our values are very different and our attitudes in life are too. I also found her a tad bossy/interfering much like your friend, I think the final straw was her not showing up for my wedding (she didn't show up at my sister's wedding the year before either despite RSVPing yes to both and then coming up with ridiculous excuses afterwards as to why she hadn't come). I felt a bit sad that I'd ended our friendship but I've also very much come to peace with the idea that our friendship was good, and then it wasn't the same, and that's ok. Not all friendships have to last OP and your friendship with her sounds like it might have come to a natural end?

C'mon then OP; give us a flavour of the FB bellendery

I agree with 1900lb and Legend

"Fed up of always being taken for granted and taken advantage of"

My sympathies OP. Disengage asap.

It'd be so tempting to put 'You tried to guilt me into bringing my baby out to a dinner at 9pm when it will be 2 hours past his bed time and he'll be tired and grumpy just so it would fit with you. You're not right in the head' - and then delete her and block.

What a self-centred 'friend'.

Surely the mumsnet response is 'are you on glue?'

I don't think I could see her again. She's being hugely unreasonable. Someone with that little self awareness can't be a very good friend to you. Unfollow her on Facebook so you don't wind yourself up and move on.

Nah. "Did you mean to be so rude?"

Yes, an earlier poster is right. It's resentment she's feeling - not jealousy as such.

She's beyond the glue stage I fear. She's full-on unhinged!!!! Much as it stings (and rightly so) block her. Block fb, block her number and walk away. She's been totally fucking unreasonable and with friends like that, well you know the rest!

I know the whole thing is ludicrous but I feel quite upset

Don't feel upset. You've done what you could do to meet up. Just ignore her for the time being and if necessary block her.

Well, she may have written that, but you have done neither of those things. At this point I would just block her. I suspect she's jealous of you and is now attention seeking. Frankly, she's behaving like a child and sounds exhausting. Please don't be upset. It's definitely her and not you!

Time to 'unfriend'.