To think this new wave of Gender Reveal a bit crap?

[PoppyH56]

It just seems so impersonal. I think it should be a special moment between just you and your partner if you do find out. The whole popping a balloon in front of your family to screams of delight really makes me cringe. AIBU and a total spoil sport here? 😱

decaf
I think they did it as a stand against gender stereotypes but it had the complete opposite reaction and it became all about gender.

NY

I think I explained myself quite reasonably there, but obviously not if you feel scapegoated!

Thank you very much for your well wishes . I certainly don't blame you in any way for the traumatic birth of my DD. That would be completely unhinged of me! I'm genuinely sorry if it seemed that way to you.

Parts of this thread have irritated me a little, so I'm quite possibly not articulating my point as well as I normally would.

Decaff I agree with you about everything you've aid but didn't read NY's post as anything other than lighthearted. Not about your or anybody else's experience, but her own.

I also had a traumatic birth for my last DC so completely get where you are coming from, but don't feel NY's comments were meant to come off in the way you took it.

Oops x post guys.

Ah thanks littlewing!

I think I was on the defensive due to some of the earlier posts on the thread about finding out the sex. It's especially because I've just found out the sex of our second dc and I'm so pleased we did.

It's helpful to hear from someone else that NY didn't mean it the way I took it.

Apologies again NY. I was being overly sensitive .

I had two difficult births (one left me with 17 painful years of endometriosis) the events were a long time ago, the result of the first is off to uni in a few weeks, I laugh, it's how I get through things. Invoke about the first view was of my children were genitals, as concentration on that rather than horrible stuff is easier for me. We are at different stages and react defferently, I mean no harm to others at all. I genuinely think you will be ok in time, and wish good for you x

You're very understanding (despite my earlier comment that you weren't) .

got Jeremy Kyle stamped all over it tacky

@decaff Totally understand as we found out the sex last week too and it's gone some way to helping with my depression and feelings of disconnect to the pregnancy/baby. Some of the comments on this thread have been quite unfeeling. Like 'no one cares about your baby', for example. What a fucking stupid thing to say! For all the reasons and more that someone might want to find out, suggesting no one else cares is cruel, especially when that pregnant woman might already be having some inner turmoil herself.

Thanks littlewing . Fwiw, I care a lot about my friends' babies. They're almost like family to me.

The thing is that everyone will cope with traumatic situations different, including traumatic births.

For Decaff part of the healing process is finding out her second child's sex during pregnancy. That isn't the type of 'therapy' which will be considered by / help others (me included, who's also had the traumatic c-section followed by non-breathing, needing-resuscitation, baby).

I fully understand that others want / need to find out their babies' sex if possible; it doesn't bother me. I do understand why they do it as I'm naturally very impatient and generally like to find things out as soon as possible in general. Just not with this one thing! Again, reasons for / for not finding out are all individual, so nobody is 'right' or 'wrong' in their choice to find out (or not). They're just different!

Parties to reveal the gender (sex) are a totally different kettle of fish, however!

Which I think is what most people genuinely feel but for some reason seem intent on disproving on this thread! No one would turn down an invite to a gender reveal party of a friend or family member, explaining that 'they just don't care that much' because they'd look like a proper dick.

Decaf, I was an oldest child and witnessed a placental abruption which resulted in the stillbirth of a sibling, I don't want to diminish your experience. I want to explain in a wider context, that made my trauma resulting in a live birth a different experience too.

Like 'no one cares about your baby', for example. What a fucking stupid thing to say! For all the reasons and more that someone might want to find out, suggesting no one else cares is cruel, especially when that pregnant woman might already be having some inner turmoil herself
Someone has already explained this very well earlier.

If a friend tells me they're having a girl, i say congratulations and chat baby with them for a bit.
If they say they're having a boy, I'd say congratulations and chat baby for a bit.
If they decide they want to wait til birth, I still support them and chat baby.

But ultimately, I don't care either way. It's a baby who will be either a boy or a girl.

When people are saying they don't care it's perfectlu valid. The sex of somebody else's baby isn't as exciting for the world as it is the parents.
You've got to remember people saying on here they don't care either way doesn't mean they're going to be dicks to their friends.

For what it's worth I care tons about my friends' babies. I'm just not that interested in the configuration of their unborn babies' genitals. Chat interested yes, party interested no.

NY

What an awful thing to have to witness, especially as a child .

My DD was born on Xmas eve. The previous Xmas eve. my mother had died suddenly and unexpectedly. She was 'only' in her fifties and seemed well to us. I distinctly remember her giving me her jewellery before she went into theatre, where she died. I remember handing the mw my jewellery as I went into theatre to have DD with a terrible sense of foreboding.

These things stay with us don't they?

There's been a few families in the news the last few years where they've kept the sex a secret for ages. So unisex everything. So little Jamie has mid length hair, intersperses fairy dresses with digger truck jeans etc. and plays will dolls and trains. Which is absolutely fine. But at some point the child themselves will surely become curious and will want to know to which group its genitals match surely? Even if its just for the loo!

Decaf, it sounds like you had trauma and loss on top of trauma in a short space of time. 💐

I agree with what your saying Maisy and I'd do the same, it's just being polite, and whilst I don't share the level of excitement as the parent I don't "not care". Maybe I don't mind, or I don't have a preference. I was actually quoting this from upthread though anyway... Nobody else really cares about your baby. They get a bit excited in a oooh wonder if it will be a boy or girl, but within days/weeks of it being born it's just another baby I just don't think most people feel this way. I do care about other people's babies.

I think they did it as a stand against gender stereotypes but it had the complete opposite reaction and it became all about gender.

Yeah. I get that impression with all the people who make a point of it that they raise their child "gender neutral"

I might, if feeling rebellious, dress a baby girl in blue just because I can (hypothetically, I don't have children yet) and to prevent others's (internalized) misogyny affecting her, but I'd not make an effort to announce this to the world.

The only reason I'd have a purple gender reveal cake and proudly announce that my baby is "a person" would be if people had really, really, really gotten on my nerves with sexist stereotyping "gender reveal" parties and I felt like taking revenge.
As this is not really a thing here (I think, family managed to have babies and just send a card with photo of baby after the birth) I probably never will bother.

Yes gosh imagine getting excited about something like the impending birth of a child! Or having a big wedding! Or wanting to celebrate the birthday of someone you love! Or even, gasp, just enjoying getting together with your family and friends for a happy occasion, whatever that is. So naff!

These threads, and those slagging off weddings, always amaze me with their sheer joylessness. Life is tough. The world can be a crappy place at times. If you can't enjoy a happy family celebration - whatever the reason - what can you enjoy in life? Believe it or not the motivation to throw parties can be quite simple - god forbid, just wanting to have a little FUN.

Actually scratch that let's all just sit in a darkened room alone with disapproving cats bum face for the rest of our lives.

Next people will be having gender identity reveal parties when they are older and decide to live as the opposite sex, so bit of a waste of time doing it before it's even born.

Which is absolutely fine. But at some point the child themselves will surely become curious and will want to know to which group its genitals match surely? Even if its just for the loo!

The child will know. I mean, you cannot really keep a toddler's genitals secret from the child themselves, can you?

And unless the parents are massive prudes who are never naked in front of the child, the child will know which parent has the same genitals.
(Though in this brave new world, not necessarily what that sex is actually called)

Next people will be having gender identity reveal parties when they are older and decide to live as the opposite sex, so bit of a waste of time doing it before it's even born.

Sums it up perfectly.