Would you move to America if you were me?

[BenDuck]

DP is from the US and we have talked for a while about going to live there (East coast) and the conversations are now getting more serious, he is starting to look for jobs etc. I'm still feeling really conflicted though. Part of me wants to, mostly because I fucking HATE brexit and like to be away from it all but also because we would be able to afford a really lovely house there. There is loads of stuff that bothers me though- having to drive everywhere, lower food standards, Trump.
I also worry about my position legally. I'm currently a SAHM but earn a little doing evening work (that I wouldn't be able to do there) so would be v reliant on DH. Esp. as would be hard to get a working visa. I worry about what would happen were we to divorce- would I be stuck there unable to bring DC back to UK (they have dual citizenship)?
Anyone been in a similar boat???

Erm I don't know anyone that only gets 10 days holiday or that gets frowned upon.

I do know some people who get the "10 days" allowance so it definitely still exists, but on balance I think companies are catching up.

15 days seems to be the new standard starting package, with higher-level jobs having more.

By the time DH retired, he had six weeks annual leave, and he was required to take a certain amount each year. It's a common requirement for people who work in the financial industry in the US. It's a fraud prevention policy, though, rather than a promoting work-life balance policy.

I won't drive in Boston anymore. I came out of the airport once and no bastard would let me turn off to Revere, literally bumper to bumper. I got shoehorned in to that fucking long tunnel going the wrong way in a traffic jam. Added almost two hours to my journey.

DH was able to carry over his UK leave entitlement as part of the transfer package (most companies realise that they have to do this with international moves, I think)

When I started my (admin level) job in the US, I had a princely 12 days annual leave, and was told that they were a relatively generous employer...

It's a very different system though (at least in my experience, compared to working in the public sector in the UK). For example, it wasn't "annual leave", it was "earned time off", so on day 1 in the job I had zero leave entitlement but after I had been there a month I had earned one day off, two days after two months etc etc. (I also had to "earn" paid sick time, which is a whole different issue) Unpaid leave was much easier to take than IME in the UK where it is seen as something for emergencies.

Leave was very much tied to the grade of the role, so more senior people got much more leave, rather than it being linked to how long someone had been working for the company.

And obviously it varies by state, but there are far more public holidays than in the UK. Not the same as choosing to take time off for personal time, but time not at work nonetheless.

OK another trailing spouse here, I admit I haven't read the whole thread so I apologize (apologise.....damn US autocorrect) if I'm repeating anything. As a bit of background DH and I are both British and have been here 18 months.

I'm in New Hampshire but only just north of the Mass border (yes they are mass-holes esp. when driving). It's honestly the best place location-wise I could ever imagine living. The beach is a 15min drive and mountains are an hour away. We skied all winter and have spent the summer on the beach, camping and hiking. I've fallen totally in love with the place but unfortunately not the Americans..... below is my tuppence:

1, Healthcare system. It's a minefield and, in my opinion, awful. It's primarily there to make money and not look after peoples health. Give me the NHS any day.
2, Driving. Americans are sht drivers. No lane discipline, never use indicators or mirrors and they don't park their cars, they just abandon them across a few spaces. They also drink drive a lot* which horrifies me. My colleagues see nothing wrong with driving way over the limit.
3, Food. Supermarkets are really expensive. This surprised me. Everything is really salty so we make everything from scratch (even bread....). You also can't get all fruit/veg all year round as they don't import. If you eat out the portions are ridiculous sizes.
4, Vacation. This seems to depend on the company. I had a two week holiday booked when I started so they had to honour it if I was to take the role but they'd never grant another one. They were shocked that I would take 2 weeks away from the office.
5, Patriotism. I don't actually agree with strong Patriotism, we're one world in my eyes. We went to St Patricks day in Boston and the crowd started the U-S-A chant. It made us so uncomfortable that we had to leave.

Trump actually doesn't affect our day to day lives much, although we're in a strong democrat area. What's more annoying is listening to people whinge about it all the time.

I don't really know where you'd stand legally with the children if you were to divorce. Best off getting proper advice from an International Lawyer on that. However I'm sure you could work on a US spouse visa?

I have health conditions my insurance would be very expensive.

The price of your insurance is completely unaffected by your health conditions. Have you heard of the Affordable Care Act 2010? Also known as Obamacare? Little thing they brought in a few years ago?

3, Food. Supermarkets are really expensive. This surprised me. Everything is really salty so we make everything from scratch (even bread....). You also can't get all fruit/veg all year round as they don't import. If you eat out the portions are ridiculous sizes.

Have you tried the Hannaford all-natural 9-grain bread they sell in the bakery dept? It's pretty good - closest thing I've found to UK bread.

It's a shocking price though...

My son who has some serious health issues has Obamacare.

Betsyboo87

Considering that we are probably less than 60 miles North if you in ME, we appear to ave had completely different experiences.

I certainly find Market Basket cheaper than Sainsbury's.

A bit of a TAAT reference but there doesn't seem to be hatred resentment of Baby Boomers in the US as there is among some in the UK. Why is that?

A bit of a TAAT reference but there doesn't seem to be hatred resentment of Baby Boomers in the US as there is among some in the UK. Why is that?

Maybe because the media hasn't devoted time to cultivating it. I'm in Mexico, but listen to the BBC and they have spent a lot of time fomenting this.

I certainly find Market Basket cheaper than Sainsbury's.

I keep hearing it's really cheap - the nearest one to me is 25 miles but I'm thinking it might be worth the drive.

A bit of a TAAT reference but there doesn't seem to be hatred resentment of Baby Boomers in the US as there is among some in the UK. Why is that?

I can only speak for my experience and area, but the Baby Boomers where I live in the US really struggle to pay for things like their Medicare supplementary health plans, the high property taxes, etc, out of their limited pensions.

That's just my perception though. I know in my town there is a real move to protect the older residents, who are being driven out by high property taxes in particular.

Seneca - the housing market in the US isn't as crazy as in the UK (metro bubbles aside - but I expect the brownstones in central Boston / Washington / NY were always unaffordable for most). I genuinely despair how my DC will ever afford to buy a house in the UK - it's certainly one reason why we wanted to open their eyes up to life outside our wonderful little island. Baby boomers are largely held to be a) responsible for the increase in house prices; and b) the main beneficiaries of the increase in house prices.

To get to our nearest Market Basket we would have to drive past several StopNShops (Tesco equivalent), two Trader Joes (my favourite grocery store) and a very large Wegmans (like Waitrose, including some surprisingly well priced products in amongst the $1000 a kilo truffles - not an exaggeration...)

I am a coupon master: if I don't get at least 30% off the gross total at StopNShop or CVS, I have fallen short (or DH has got annoyed with how much longer it takes to shop looking at all the small print). I once got a 99% "discount" in CVS, paying less than $1 for my shopping. I suspect I have peaked on that!

Kursk I often find the fresh produce is on the verge of going bad in Market Basket. It's the same in Shaws which is why I usually end up in Hannaford. I probably should give it another go.....

BeALert Hannaford - yes, it's expensive.

Betsyboo87

Maybe it's the store, I certainly have found MB produce to last longer than WalMart produce.

Did you make a permanent move over here?

Betsyboo I'm surprised at what you say about the drunken driving, because where I am (North Carolina) the penalties for it are absolutely draconian - community service, $100s on insurance, compulsory substance abuse classes - even for a first offence. Totally agree about the crappy health care system and miss the NHS very much. As for portion sizes, isn't it that you actually aren't meant to eat everything - hence the ubiquity of doggy bags and boxes to take away the remains? (My expanding waistline shows that this doesn't always work, but...)

I've often wondered about drink driving in America as on TV shows people always seem to drive to bars.

Circumlocutor

It's not common in urban areas, but happens regularly in the country where there is no police force.

Up in the woods I have seen people driving with a beer in their hand. But to be fair, it's not like they are a danger to anyone.......there is nothing for them to hit!

Everyone I know drink drives here. Boils my piss.

I find food cheaper than in UK. We do shop for local stuff, barter and grow/raise our own though also.

As I understand it, one of the problems with drink driving is that there is no "blow into this bag" test. So there's the "sobriety test", walking along the line of the road type thing for an officer to make an assessment whether the driver is drunk but to confirm it requires a blood test at the station which can only be done either on consent or if the officer believes that the driver would be a severe danger to themselves or others on the road. So unless you are involved in an accident (when insurance might start to get involved where drink driving might be an issue), or ragingly drunk, the police are unlikely to be involved.

(I don't like it either...)

What? NJ requires the Breathalyzer test, on the spot, if they suspect drink driving.

Getting a license in this state, you have to sign paperwork acknowledging implied consent for that and the blood test.

There's only blood tests here in ME too I believe. And they have to have cause to stop you.

I fell out big time with an old friend last week because she got shitfaced and left me stranded.