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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to be shocked at older people making comments on children's behaviour?

172 replies

Felicitychipmunkx · 20/08/2017 08:08

Yesterday was a particularly bad day with my 3 and 4 year old.
Lots of arguments in the park between the pair of them , DD ( 4 year old ) screaming for the 5 minute walk back to the car for another drink as she'd finished the first one, she then threw the scooter down as was too " tired " to ride anymore so I carried it, although she was still screaming.
I think I was doing the best I could given the fact I also had a 7 year old crying as he didn't want to leave the park but we had been there 2 hours, my mum constantly undermining me telling them all what good children they were and saying things like " I get annoyed when I'm thirsty too " but 4 separate elderly ( 70 year olds ish ) on walks through this park all had something to say.
I tried not to be annoyed by it but why on earth does a screaming whingy child give them the urge to say something?
From " what a horrible noise coming from such a pretty girl " to " can my dog have your sandwich if you're just screaming then "
For the two seconds these strangers were giving their two pence she did stop but the minute they walked off it started again so it wasn't even helpful!

OP posts:

TheFirstMrsDV · 20/08/2017 16:04

Good point Norma
I love kids. I have had loads. I have been through all the stages with them and even have one with SN. I have worked with parents for decades and am genuinely not judgy when it comes to parenting.

I am now very wary of saying anything or even smiling at other people's kids. Particularly now I am 50. People seem to want to believe that women (its always women and mostly older ones) are glaring at them, judging them, being mean about them etc etc.

Its almost not worth the risk.

JuicyStrawberry · 20/08/2017 16:08

The people who make it more hard work are the members of the public who just can't help themselves but make comments. How hard is it to just keep their traps shut?
YANBU.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 20/08/2017 16:09

No - a 'light tap' is quite, quite different from 'smacking' and I do not deem it to be 'violence'.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 20/08/2017 16:18

People seem to want to believe that women (its always women and mostly older ones) are glaring at them, judging them, being mean about them etc etc.

I don't know if this is aimed at me but I didn't say it was just women (and it wasn't; it was men and women of all ages), and some of them were definitely glaring. The rest were just staring at us like we were aliens.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 20/08/2017 16:20

I do not deem it to be 'violence'.

But it is. Some people don't deem a "clip around the ear" to be violence, but it is.

Violence: behaviour involving physical force intended to hurt, damage, or kill someone or something

It's physical force, and the intention is to hurt the child to stop them from repeating the behaviour. How is that not violent?

BertrandRussell · 20/08/2017 16:27

Why would a "light tap" have any impact at all on a child, let alone a tantrumming one?

ArgyMargy · 20/08/2017 16:28

Well that took many hours longer than I expected, MilkTray!

kaitlinktm · 20/08/2017 16:30

I am now very wary of saying anything or even smiling at other people's kids. Particularly now I am 50.

Me too and I'm in my 60s. I am completely poker-faced in public with parents and their children and try not to react or interact at all - unless a child (usually a baby) smiles at or interacts with me, in which case it would be churlish not to smile back. This attitude has only been reinforced since being on MN.

Sometimes I offer help with prams etc if I think they might be struggling, but more often than not this is refused (and not always politely).

derxa · 20/08/2017 16:32

BertrandRussell · 20/08/2017 16:36

Oh, i interact with babies and small children all the time. But I do lots of things Mumsnet tells me I shouldn't.

Like answering the door and my phone. Giving people lifts. Being pleased if someone invites me to a party. Lots of wierd stuff like that.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 20/08/2017 16:50

Like answering the door and my phone. Giving people lifts. Being pleased if someone invites me to a party. Lots of wierd stuff like that.

MN is very weird sometimes, when you put it like that

gandalf456 · 20/08/2017 16:53

Ovaries. I have also changed my behaviour like that and parented how i shouldn't or been harsher than i otherwise would have been because looks like that have got me flustered and teary.

FloweryTeapot · 20/08/2017 17:00

but it's bred a generation of people who advocate using violence as a parenting technique

They may have 'experienced' it more often than children nowadays,
however, (and maybe for that reason) I know very few who actually 'advocate' it. I know you hear some older people saying "It never did me any harm" But really? A whole generation?

I suppose I'm part of the older generation now, but neither of my parents ever smacked, hit, or tapped me on the back of my legs or anywhere else. I never smacked mine when they were little either.

One things for sure, I'm never going to try to be helpful and defuse a tantrum situation by the distraction method. I have reached Old Womanhood and therefore will be defined as an interfering old biddy.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 20/08/2017 17:06

Generation is the wrong word, sorry . Not sure how to describe it - basically a "group" of people across various generations (I see it in my age group too and I'm 23) who were smacked and are proud that they smack their children.

FloweryTeapot · 20/08/2017 17:07

People seem to want to believe that women (its always women and mostly older ones) are glaring at them

I put it down to my bitchy resting face. 'What are you looking so miserable about?' (or similar) I am often asked. I can't help it. It's just what my face looks like when I'm walking and thinking, or at a checkout. I've tried walking about and grinning, but then I feel stupid.

FloweryTeapot · 20/08/2017 17:19

Generation is the wrong word

Fair enough. Point taken.

Anotheroneofthese · 20/08/2017 17:25

OP, you said in your original post that these people engagement with you kids lasted for 2 seconds, when you did not get the outrage that you expected, you embellished the story to the point where these elderly people moved from being sympathetic to making rude comments about the younger generation. So no longer a 2 second interaction.

Original poster

Felicitychipmunkx · 20/08/2017 18:02

Clearly the conversations lasted longer than two seconds, common sense and all that!
I meant she stopped the screaming for 2 seconds before continuing.

OP posts:

Sprinklestar · 20/08/2017 18:14

It was just a bad day, OP. Ignore their sticky-beaking! I'm a tad surprised at all the posters saying their 4yo's don't have tantrums. That's not my experience of 4 yo's at all!

Anotheroneofthese · 20/08/2017 18:36

No, clearly it didn't. It sounded like passing comments rather than lengthy conversations that move from kindness to rudeness.

TheFirstMrsDV · 20/08/2017 19:41

I don't know if this is aimed at me but
It wasn't

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 20/08/2017 20:04

It wasn't

Ah ok, thank you. Sorry if my reply seemed snippy.

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