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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset at friend not offering a lift?

463 replies

jenniferl1983 · 20/08/2017 00:28

Just home from a cinema trip with a friend. I don't drive but she passed her test a couple of years ago. When we went on nights out prior to this we got the bus or shared taxis or if one of us was picked by a relative offered the other a lift too. Normally we meet up in the centre of town (5 min walk home for her/20 min bus ride home for me) but tonight we went to a cinema the opposite side of town.

There is a cinema much closer to me (20 min walk at most) but she has a prepaid cinema card which is for a different chain so we have to use cinemas that she has the card for.

She drove to the cinema tonight and I got 2 buses and had a 50 min journey there. I had worked out the buses previously and there was a chance I could get the last bus home from the cinema (22.58) if the film finished promptly however the last bus from the town centre was due to leave 2 mins before that bus got to town.

I didn't want to ask for a lift directly but told her I would have to leave straightaway and that it was the final bus etc but she just said the film should finish in time for me to catch that bus. I feel a but upset that she didn't offer and was happy to leave me to get 2 buses home at 11pm at night. I always ask her to text me when she is home when she has walked but didn't get the same from her. Still no text to make sure I got home safe now.

For clarity it's very rare she gives me a lift, maybe 4 times since she has passed and I have always offered a bit of petrol money or paid for parking. If she had dropped me off it would have added 15/20 minutes to her journey.

In the end I managed to catch the bus from the cinema to the town centre but missed the bus from town to home. My DP ended up waking our daughter up to get me as I didn't want to walk 30 mins alone in the dark or pay a high taxi fare.

I am considering our friendship but maybe I'm being over dramatic?

OP posts:

Blodplod · 20/08/2017 10:12

Would have insisted.... not would of.

Aeroflotgirl · 20/08/2017 10:13

For the record op, your friend does not sound very caring. Its not a friendship I would spend much time on.

Lweji · 20/08/2017 10:13

I wouldn't reconsider my friendship, but I'd make sure to only make arrangements that suited me next time.

Cinema alone, or closer to you. If she insists and wants to take advantage of the discount, then tell her that it's not convenient for you unless you get a lift. Otherwise, choose a time and place that suits YOU.

Violetcharlotte · 20/08/2017 10:14

Some of the responses on here give a real insight into what kind of people the posters are. I'm glad I don't have friends like some of you lot.

MFR3 · 20/08/2017 10:16

Harsh responses on here.

OP I think you know that you will be more vocal the next time, make sure the cinema is more convenient for you. If your friend won't make the effort to go to a different cinema because she has a prepaid card, then decline.

MFR3 · 20/08/2017 10:17

Some of the responses on here give a real insight into what kind of people the posters are. I'm glad I don't have friends like some of you lot.

I agree with you.

SomeOtherFuckers · 20/08/2017 10:17

I have been driving 3 years but am under 25 so insurance is extortionate. oP sounds young.
88mins because her daughter had to walk to meet Op and then home again... OP said the journey was 44 mins (x2 =88mins)

Aeroflotgirl · 20/08/2017 10:20

Oh right, some. I think op should be more selfish and arrange nearer her, if friend does not like it or offer her a lift, than I would not have much to do with her.

NewYorkthisXmas · 20/08/2017 10:20

OP sounds young yet she has a daughter who is old enough to walk to her in the night??

WillowWeeping · 20/08/2017 10:21

OP please come back and clarify whether your DD had to walk a 90 min round trip after midnight?

I'm flabbergasted!

turbohamster · 20/08/2017 10:22

NewYorkthisXmas

Honest John suggest 35mpg for a 2008 peugeot 308

The figures you are quoting suggest you are getting less than 3 mpg at current petrol prices which is just ludicrous.

bimbobaggins · 20/08/2017 10:23

I agree with you too charlotte.
this isn't some random workmates expecting a lift that you see so many threads about. It's a friend, I thought friends helped each other out.

IGotRainedOn · 20/08/2017 10:23

I'm confused.. does the OPs partner have a car? Surely he didn't walk all that way at night to collect her?

Lweji · 20/08/2017 10:24

So you made your young daughter walk 88mins because you couldn't ask for a lift?

My DP ended up waking our daughter up to get me as I didn't want to walk 30 mins alone in the dark or pay a high taxi fare.

Surely, her DP drove to get her, but wouldn't leave a young child alone at home.

M10s · 20/08/2017 10:25

Sun 20-Aug-17 01:06 "I suggested to my friend she give us a lift home in return for the taxi money which was £8 and she didn't want too."

Don't blame her. A taxi does not charge you for the return journey (in their business they try very hard to get their next pick up as near as possible to their last drop off).

Your friend wouldn't have been doing that. She would have have driven you and other friend from her home to your homes, and then would have had to do the same distance again to return to her home.

Coconutspongexo · 20/08/2017 10:27

OP never said once that her daughter walked anywhere

limon · 20/08/2017 10:28

If you want a lift ask for one.

SaucyJack · 20/08/2017 10:28

Your friend is a selfish arse, but you need to be less PA next time and state upfront that you won't be going to the further cinema for her benefit unless she'll give you a lift home afterwards.

Lweji · 20/08/2017 10:29

A taxi does not charge you for the return journey

That's because their fares already, effectively, include the cost of driving around to get customers (making them more expensive than booking-only services) or returning.

It's way more than the cost of petrol or a normal hourly rate.

Coconutspongexo · 20/08/2017 10:30

I drive a 1.6l automatic newyork and get more miles for my money than you.

Gottagetmoving · 20/08/2017 10:30

It's a shame your friend didn't offer to pick you up but it's also your own responsibility to make sure you can get to and from a place before agreeing to go.
A good friend would probably have arranged to pick you up and drop you off but as she didn't, you have to decide if it's worth arranging a night out if you are going to worry about being safe.

fullofhope03 · 20/08/2017 10:31

Think that's rather mean of your friend tbh. I wouldn't dream of bogging off and letting my friend get 2 buses home late at night.
Next time, ask her in advance if she'd be able to give you a lift home (and say you'll pay petrol money).
If she says no, then just don't go.
PS - This has reminded me of a girl I work with who on several occasions has waved merrily goodbye to me whilst being picked up from work and left me to walk half an hour home in the rain. Would be nice to ask just once if I'm ok, would I like a lift - Hey ho

YoullShootYourEyeOut · 20/08/2017 10:32

I always offer lifts to my friends, especially those that can't drive. Quite thoughtless of your friend tbh, I would be uncomfortable with letting someone travel that far alone late at night on public transport, I've had journeys like that myself and they are not pleasant.

Countdowntofour · 20/08/2017 10:33

I'd have given you a lift home 2bh, but she probably just assumed you were cool with doing the two buses. I think like PP's have said - you should have asked if it was ok to go to the cinema closer to you because of the tight timings of the bus and that you're worried you might miss the last one - this would've been her cue to either agree or offer a lift.
Bit off topic, but I avoid driving at night as the parking is so completely packed on my road so if you're not home by around 6pm you have no choice - maybe she has driving anxiety for whatever reason. If I have to drive at night I resign myself to the fact I won't get a parking space lol.

RainbowPastel · 20/08/2017 10:33

I would have given you a lift. However it isn't your friends responsibility to take you anywhere. If she offers then that is her choice. I have been out with people who don't drive and many assume the drivers should automatically be a taxi service. It's your responsibility to make your way to places and get home again.

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