DS wants to change his first name due to teasing

[mashedpotatoes]

My DS has said for a few years that he doesn't like his first name but for the last year he has been getting teased at school because it rhymes with something insulting and he reacts aggressively when this happens.
Over the summer holidays he has chosen two names which he says he prefers rather than his real name. One day he says he prefers one name and the next day it's the other name.
I would be completely happy for him to change if he wants to, but what concerns me is the reaction of everyone else. To start with, I don't think DH is 100% convinced. As a new school year is approaching I think September would be a good time to do it, but I'm not sure how to go about it and if his school friends will accept it.
Does anyone have any advice?

Agree with MissHavishamsleftdaffodil.

Also remember reading on here about a woman bullied as a child by someone formerly 'a friend'. She gritted her teeth under this bullying for years waiting for it to stop. It dramatically affected her.

Yes, ignoring teasing or bullying can work initially and may dissuade people from picking on you as you are no 'fun' and do not rise to the bait. However, it can also harm your self esteem (IMHO) to pretend you are not hurt when you are.

Imagine a women being told to ignore sexist comments at work and pretend they don't offend her! We would not say that, would we!

If he wanted to stick with Owen, (which is a perfectly lovely name) I'd back him to the hilt. If he wanted to change it, I'd cautiously trial a new name. While ensuring school protected him.

And if I moved to China where Mrs Italiangreyhound meant Mrs Jackass or something I know I'd temporarily adopt a new name, even if the response was only bemused smiles and the odd comment. I would not expect my kids to do the same, but I'd not stop them.

OP I hope you 're OK and I hope some of these varying strategies will help your boy. Go with whatever seems best to you and him.

@Shadow666
The OP didn't say that her son was being bullied. She said that her son had a name that didn't work well in French and that her son wanted to change it to something that works better in French as he lives in and has grown up in France.

No she didn't!!!
Owen works perfectly fine in French.

The problem is that some little tykes who understand that Owen is pronounced like the two letters O-N have started spelling out loud the word "con" which means "idiot"
To do this they add "C'est", which is pronounced the same as the letter C in French, in front of the lad's name. In fact (as has already been explained) if anyone were to actually say "C'est Owen" they would elide the T with the O so it would sound like "C'es Towen".

I repeat, the problem is not with the name in French or in English. The problem is teasing or bullying. Changing the name is definitely NOT going to help matters and could very well have the opposite effect.

Note to the OP: for info, there are other "two letter names" in French like Hervé: RV and
Hélène: LN
they are generally seen as pretty cool!

I may have missed it, but why doesn't he just introduce himself "Je m'appelle Owen"?

And, yes, of course he shouldn't let the bullies get him. Eye-roll, yeah, boring, not like I've heard it before.

I get the impression that it is not Owen who is saying this.
The other kids are saying things along the lines of
"Regardez, c'est Owen: C-O-N: CON!!!" and then falling about laughing at their mature wit.

As a francophone, I see what you mean, and yes the 't' is silent as Owen is a name, same as 'Halles' is in 'place des Halles'.
In all seriousness though, it's a very immature 'joke' that his classmates will soon grow out of. It won't last, however buckling and changing his name would give the bullies ammunition and power.
I used to live near a 'place des Halles' and I wish I still lived in that city! Btw, I had a very unfortunate name for French speakers but it soon became the norm to my peers and no longer remarkable after a time.

TheBeastInMsRooneysRoom on page 4 and PagingDrMarcel on page 6 both given examples where a name was changed and the teasing did not continue. I am aware this may not always be the case but it is incorrect to say it is never the case.

janek, that depends where you live in the UK. Where we live it is definitely pronounced Oh-enn. Equal emphasis on both syllables, no schwa.

Owen is a beautiful Welsh name. Please don't change it x

I have never used my first name, as a child my family used a short version I hate and when I went to senior school at 11 I decided to use another version, so think if my name was Elizabeth and family called me Betty and I decided to be Liz. My family still call me "Betty" but everyone, including my husband, who met me after I was 11 call me Liz. I think doing it when changing schools worked well for me. My daughter and youngest son basically did the same.

Does he change school soon, could that work?

Hi - I'm French. I really don't know how it could sound as "con". The "c" in "c'est" is a soft one unlike in "con". It sounds to me that the children are looking for a reason to tease your son. Sorry. They'll find another reason to mock his new name. I'd keep his name as is.

OP said that it doesn't sound like CON but it sounds as if someone were spelling CON.

Think of a guy called with the imaginary name of Entee. Kids may say See you Entee to harass him. Same applies here.

Yeah, it took me a moment to get my head round it too that c'est ow-en sounds like spelling "C-O-N' rather than like the word con.

Honestly though I don't think changing his name will help though, it'll just draw attention to the fact he didn't like it, and the kids will find something else to tease about. Kids are cruel. Better to work with him about building up resilience.

Incidentally, changing your name in France used to be really complex, expensive and time consuming and therefore EXCEEDINGLY rare. I know in the UK it is pretty simple, but here it is not.

Things have been improved very recently (November 2016) but I rather doubt that the official at the town hall will consider that childish taunts by a few stupid school children in the playground justify changing his name.

droit-finances.commentcamarche.net/faq/54384-changer-de-prenom-conditions-et-demarches

And there's no point in asking people to use a different name if it's not his "official" one because the teachers will use the one in the register which is what will go on his exams and qualifications.

I understand the problem with the pronunciation but can't he just say "je m'appele Owen" instead of "C'est...." .

strongarmy he doesn't say it, the other kids say it to him when they harass him

Strongarmy, Owen could say 'je m'appelle...' . But the bullies have deliberately sought out a phrase to cause distress. When they are around Owen they say 'C'est Owen...' - unnecessarily saying 'It's Owen!' just because they like the sound of 'C.O.N'. It's awful. But I believe the solution is not to be found in changing names. Even if Owen changed names, the bullies would either continue to say 'C'est Owen' or they would find a new nasty thing to say.

OP, I really feel for you both. I would suggest two things: firstly let the school know how distressing this bullying is, and secondly try to help Owen to learn to brush off bullying as if he doesn't care (even when he does). Bullies lose interest when their taunts don't have an effect.

Good luck Owen!

I was teased about my first name at school by a boy, and my mother taught me some bad jokes about his name. I repeated them the next day, he was embarrassed and stopped annoying me. Could you find some mean jokes about the other pupils to teach them ? I know it's not a brilliant way to deal with the problem but it can work.

They will simply tease him about something else. Call him "Mr new name" or something.

seriously???? is this thread for real???

What do you mean Amermaidindesguise ?

@sweetbitter OP was saying 'c'est Owen' sounds like he's spelling 'c-o-n'. It'd be like a little girl here being called Edie Yott.

Id let him change it, at least informally, then give it time to see if it eventually dies down. Do the teachers not say anything about the bullying?

I changed my name unofficially when I was about his age. Very glad I did and I'm still known by it now.
It sounds like he really wants to so I think you should.

It sounds like it is not just the teasing anyway, "My DS has said for a few years that he doesn't like his first name but for the last year..."

That;'s quite a long time to feel this way about something, hardly a whim.

It sound like the kids have invented that up themselves and it's gone ftom there.
Would changing schools be an option?
Would that make him happier?