Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell her to piss off?

158 replies

SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 19/08/2017 21:59

I enjoy knitting as a hobby and will occasionally knit gifts for people (if I am in the mood for that kind of project and have the money/time). For example, socks and scarfs. I recently starting knitting the occasional baby cardy, I gave one to one of my brothers for his baby etc.

Recently a pregnant cousin was talking to me and said ''I can't wait to see what you knit for mine). I told her I don't really have the time (I'm studying) etc but she told me she would pay for the wool so it'll be okay Hmm She keeps bringing it up when I see her.

AIBU thinking if I say I haven't got time you can't just expect someone to make something for you and to tell her to sod off? I've had a few friends/family now telling me they want me to knit them socks/scarves etc and they will pay for the wool as if that covers all of the work so I'm getting really annoyed.

OP posts:
Theweasleytwins · 20/08/2017 22:49

Some people who don't craft sometimes find it hard to appreciate all the time and effort that goes into making something

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 22/08/2017 15:54

Who else is thinking that avoiding is not a knitter.
Discussion on this seems to divide fairly easily into 2 camps , those who knit or have knitters close to them or are crafters and understand the joyless knitting to order and time everything takes and non knitters who just don't get It

AvoidingCallenetics · 22/08/2017 16:22

Bees, I do get that it's a pita to knit to order and that OP is busy/doesn't want to do it. And I do agree that demanding is not acceptable. So I'm not even saying the OP is wrong.
But, this is her cousin, not some random and I think that maybe initially this was about something more than just wanting a cardie. All I'm saying is that for the sake of family harmony I would have made it. Sometimes that's easier than dealing with the bad feeling that results from saying no. What the cousin is hearing is that OP isn't all that interested in her baby, even if that isn't true.

Willow2017 · 22/08/2017 17:00

Well she should be hearing I am studying and working 2 jobs just now I do not have the time to sit for hours knitting and sewing a baby cardi.

We can't always get what we want that's life.

IloveBanff · 22/08/2017 17:09

To tell her to either sod off or piss off would be unnecessarily rude. Just say a definite no, because you haven't got time without actually being nasty about it. There's no need.

sonjadog · 22/08/2017 17:19

Again, I ask how long does it take you to knit a baby cardie, Avoiding?

AvoidingCallenetics · 22/08/2017 17:29

Sonja, the last time I got the urge to knit was when I was pg and came over all nesty. That was quite some time ago now so I can't tell you how long it took. If I'd known I was going to have to account for the time, I'd have made a note Wink but I honestly don't think it was very long. It was just a cardie for a newborn.
I gather the OP does something more intricate, so probably not really comparable. All I'm saying is that when you are talking about family, sometimes you have factors to consider besides time/not wanting to do it.

Willow2017 · 22/08/2017 17:29

Ilove
Have you read ops updates on her cousins hissy fits when being told no repeatedly? Being polite hasn't worked.

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 22/08/2017 17:33

Aaargh!!! I've had this as a crocheter!

And recently, an acquaintance who hasn't bothered with me for about three years has pinged me, expecting me to teach him piano! For free, of course...

Thanks to mumsnet, I've grown some balls recently, and learnt the word "no".

Original poster
SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 22/08/2017 17:48

Hi, sorry I only just saw this was being commented on again.

My cousin is still in a huff and put a post on facebook along the lines of ''Sometimes people aren't who you think they are''.

I'm just ignoring her. My aunt tried phoning me and talking me around but I told her that my cousin was out of order for the way she kicked off and I don't have to make anyone anything. She told me it was a tradition I'd started?!?!?

Anyway, I'm half way through a pair of mittens to match my mum's awful scarf (she likes really gaudy colours.

IloveBanff I did try to be polite at first but when I told her (after her asking again) that I wouldn't be doing it, she kicked off big time in a temper.

Avoiding A cardy would take me a long time due to the motifs etc.

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesWoollyHugs · 22/08/2017 17:52

SpareChange. You did the right thing. People like that need people to stand up to them, grrr.

I knit, for years I swore crocheting was akin to sorcery. Then I tried crocheting once (a MNer on a WoollyHugs meet up tried to teach me, but it was a disaster 🤣). However, last year when we were knitting for Zombie's blanket (a very much loved MNer) I kept getting envious of the patterns & speed of crocheting - so I gave it a go. By god it's FAST! I used different tutorials on eBay and soon got the hang of it. Being able to rewind & play, rewind & play, rewind & play made a HUGE difference. It's also easier as you can frog a bit easily & redo it, unlike knitting. I think it's more fun too as there are lots of different stitches & patterns. You should give it a go.

Unfortunately now I prefer crocheting to knitting, but I prefer the softness & finish of knitting 😖

Original poster
SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 22/08/2017 17:56

Chipping It is sorcery! GrinI found youtube really helpful when I was learning to knit more than just a garter stitch in a straight line. She's just acting like a child who doesn't like being told no.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 22/08/2017 18:10

These people are persistent... I would be really annoyed at the cheek of saying you´d started a tradition!

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 22/08/2017 19:23

So do we now have...

A KnitZilla?

Xchangedtohideid · 22/08/2017 19:45

I would probably be more blunt but my guess is you've kind of not said no and now don't know how to get out of it as it's been going on a while?

You can either do it and present it as the baby's first hand knitted gift (which is lovely really)

Or, say you are so sorry but you aren't knitting anymore as it was taking up so much time and you've got exams coming up

Or buy something handmade from eBay or amazon and pass it off as yours

Good luck!

honeysucklejasmine · 22/08/2017 20:33

Chipping to get the same softness, use a needle bigger than required. Last super soft blanket I made used 4mm wool and 8mm needles. Very lacy effect with such a size difference, but oh my is it soft!

Original poster
SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 22/08/2017 20:41

KnitZilla Grin dun dun duuuunnn

Xchanged I did say no, I got a temper tantrum in return. Hmm Apparently I started a tradition with the cardy I made for my brother's baby and I promised to make her one (no I bloody didn't). Que hissy fit, kicking off and passive agressive FB status.

OP posts:
Stellato · 22/08/2017 20:49

This type of problem is why I have my new rule, since I started crocheting (which I think is easier than knitting btw).

When I used to knit I tried to make "useful" things and presents and it was all too stressful. And as a result I never finished anything.

My new rule is that I only make things for strangers (charity) and for my daughters, and nothing has to be useful or sensible. This means I can mix small fun projects like amigurumi with things like blankets, and it stays pressure free.

PickAChew · 22/08/2017 21:01

Avoiding, OP needs to study, go to work and presumably sleep. Which of these activities do you propose she sacrifices to make up the 30 hours she needs to make just a little (complicated intarsia, by the sound of it) baby cardi just because her cousin had a tantrum?

infrequentposter88 · 22/08/2017 21:25

I've married into a family of keen knitters, and have had several lovely knitted presents. These are always very warmly appreciated and are never something I've expressly or implicitly asked for, but reading this thread I'm beginning to wonder if I've been sufficiently appreciative.

On the actual thread, I'm glad you've stuck to your guns op. It's too often it's the trantruming arseholes who get placated to 'preserve harmony' rather than everyone recognising that it's the trantruming arsehole who is causing disharmony. Hope your studies go well op.

SaltaKatten · 22/08/2017 21:51

Well done saying no, she sounds like she absolutely wouldn't appreciate the time and effort. I'm a spinner and weaver and have a mental list of people who are craft worthy. My brother is and I wove a baby blanket for his daughter. My sil is not and we bought her a children some regular gifts instead.
A colleague saw a shawl I had woven from handspan cashmere/merino and silk and asked if I could make her one. Once I explained that even if we used shop bought yarn rather than handspun, the materials would be at least £40 and it would be a long process for me to make she didn't mention it again :)
I do post photos of the process as well as the finished project on Facebook at times. The image of the 575 heddles that have been carefully threaded one by one in the correct order can make the penny drop.

To tell her to piss off?
To tell her to piss off?
Original poster
SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 22/08/2017 22:05

Salta Omg Shock that is impressive!

PickaChew Knitting in my sleep maybe? Wake up surrounded by cardys I've knitted in my dreams Grin

OP posts:
Primrose06 · 22/08/2017 22:31

I used to crochet and sew a fair bit . I was regularly asked to see fiddly things. Initially it was nice but my family pointed out that I was being taken advantage of. I tended to ask for a donation to a charity for any work.
In the end I put a message on fb and told anyone who asked that for now I was not able to take on any more because of personal reasons (true)
So I suggest you be brave and say that much as you are delighted to be asked that for now you cannot. (If need be make up some medical reason)
Good wishes

Willow2017 · 22/08/2017 22:56

Primrose
Why should OP lie? She doesnt need to be 'brave'!
She has said NO repeatedly and got a tanturum and harrassment and FB crap in return!

Xvhanged Read the thread! OP has repeatedly clearly said NO she does not have the time, what more should she do?

MumW · 22/08/2017 23:48

Crochet isn't harder than knitting, it's just different. It also works up so much quicker, which is a definite plus!Wink