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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell her to piss off?

158 replies

SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 19/08/2017 21:59

I enjoy knitting as a hobby and will occasionally knit gifts for people (if I am in the mood for that kind of project and have the money/time). For example, socks and scarfs. I recently starting knitting the occasional baby cardy, I gave one to one of my brothers for his baby etc.

Recently a pregnant cousin was talking to me and said ''I can't wait to see what you knit for mine). I told her I don't really have the time (I'm studying) etc but she told me she would pay for the wool so it'll be okay Hmm She keeps bringing it up when I see her.

AIBU thinking if I say I haven't got time you can't just expect someone to make something for you and to tell her to sod off? I've had a few friends/family now telling me they want me to knit them socks/scarves etc and they will pay for the wool as if that covers all of the work so I'm getting really annoyed.

OP posts:
JeffVaderneedsatray · 20/08/2017 13:02

I crochet. I've made a few toys for my kids and always have people telling me I should sell them. I made a bag for my daughter and was told I could easily sell it for £15 - £20. She blanched when I pointed out that woouldn't cover the materials let alone the 20 hours or so of my time.
People who don't knit, crochet, sew etc have NO CLUE how long stuff takes!
YANBU.

sonjadog · 20/08/2017 13:18

I've been making a blanket for a friend as a Congratulations on finishing your PhD present. Been working on it for six months. She'd better like it!!

SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 20/08/2017 13:20

IncyWincy The one I knitted for my brother had little bunny rabbit motifs on it. (I had to spend ages getting those fiddly little fuckers right) so I'm guessing she wanted that sort of thing too.

Officer You're too right! I still go to my mum sometimes and I'm like ''What the hell did I even do?'' When I mess something up and she just laughs and helps me to sort it out, ballache isn't a strong enough word! Grin

OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 20/08/2017 13:27

What does iyswim mean? I keep seeing it and have never worked out what people are saying. We need a list of the common anagrams used on mumsnet!

OP, you should feel absolutely free to say, 'I don't have time, sod off!'

So many people are like that, give an inch and take a mile. I used to get that when I was young and single and the only one with a car. The time when I'd finally had enough of it was when I agreed to give a lift to a friend and she brought her boyfriend with her. They sat next to each other in the back seat and were canoodling. I felt like I should be wearing a chauffeur's cap, but of course a chauffeur gets paid!

I learned a lesson there and I refused to be taken as a mug who would give people free lifts on tap.

IncyWincyGrownUp · 20/08/2017 13:27

SpareChange I pondered making an old school loopy cardi once. Bought the pattern and practiced hard. So much swearing! I'm sure I invented new words.

I no longer contemplate loopy knitting!:o

IncyWincyGrownUp · 20/08/2017 13:29

Mittens it stands for 'if you see what I mean'. There is a glossary somewhere. Buggered if I know where though, I'm on the mobile site and it is a law unto itself!

SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 20/08/2017 13:29

Mittens If You See What I Mean. Here's a link to the common acronym list!

www.mumsnet.com/info/acronyms

OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 20/08/2017 13:31

Thank you, I'll take a look at that. Very helpful. Smile

SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 20/08/2017 13:32

I've told her now because of the way she spoke to me and because she keeps bugging me after I told her I had no time she's getting nothing at all. She's still in a sulk and her mum isn't happy and has said ''It can be instead of a gift!'' I didn't realise as a uni student I was expected to fork out for baby gifts as it is but I my mum just said to get her something cheap like bibs or something (she is a knitter and had the same issues with her sisters when they had babies). She did the 'look' at me when my cousin kicked off because she told me that would happen.

OP posts:
IncyWincyGrownUp · 20/08/2017 13:46

Buy her a pair of needles and a ball of cheap acrylic and write a YouTube tutorial URL on the ballband.

PA, but funHalo

Hygge · 20/08/2017 13:53

OP I feel your pain.

I don't knit but I do sew a bit. I like to make things but at my own pace and as the mood takes me.

Sometimes I feel like I want to make a particular thing for a particular person, and I do it. I don't like to make the same thing over and over, or to order.

A few people have said I should sell the things I make but I don't want to. For various reasons which include not wanting to make things to order, the things I make taking a long time, and people thinking handmade equates to cheap.

One particular person has pushed and pushed me to make her something. She started by saying "Oh you should sell these" and me replying "I don't think it would be worth it, it would take me too long to make and people don't want to pay for the time it would take me."

Then she changed to "If you sold these I would buy one" and me repeating the same thing.

I also had a suspicion that she would want this thing making at bargain basement prices but with the best materials, and that she would baulk at paying anything near even the cost of the materials, let alone for my time. So I know I said to her, more than once, it wouldn't be worth making them to sell as people don't want to pay for the time it takes to make them. People think handmade means cheap and it's not true.

Then she asked outright if I would make something and I refused as I am also studying at the moment and the thing she wanted takes a long time. It's at least fourteen hours of work, and I have so many other things to do. It would have either meant entirely focusing on what she wanted through every bit of free time I had.

She left it a bit and asked again. I had a bit more spare time but also I thought of a new design I could try. I was reluctant because I still had reservations about selling things and in particular selling to her, but I agreed because she kept asking and asking. She wanted something almost two meters long, quite large, very intricate detail on it, and personalised to suit her daughters interests.

I drafted out a design she was happy with and gave her a price. It was as cheap as I could possibly make it (under £30 for both materials and my time, so call it £15 for materials, £15 for my time to make it).

She flat out refused to pay it. She couldn't possibly spend almost £30 on something like that, I'd need to make it cheaper.

I said I couldn't do it for any less. It was £15 just for the materials and £15 more for me to make it meant I was working for £1 per hour as it would take me almost 15 hours to make it.

No, she said, she couldn't pay £30 on just a trinket (2 meters long, customised to suit her family, intricate design, one-off for her, would last for years, but just a trinket).

She asked if I could do it for less than £20. I said no. She said her husband wouldn't like her to pay any more than £20 to buy it. I said that my husband wouldn't like me to earn 33p an hour to make it.

She asked me to use less materials, or cheaper materials. I told her to buy her own materials and pay me £20 to put them together.

She refused and said she'd make her own thing. I never made her the thing, she never made one for herself (because it's not that easy). She's never asked for anything else, she's never commented on anything else I've made.

I think it's good your cousin has shown herself up today, don't make her the cardigan.

It's not a way to big you up, she's ignored you and everything you've said to her, and she's potentially blown any chance of you making anything for her in the future when you do have time and feel inspired.

DixieNormas · 20/08/2017 14:06

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MatildaTheCat · 20/08/2017 14:10

Ask her for £30 upfront for materials and then buy the nastiest acrylic cardi you can find in a charity shop it may be hard to ignore all the lovely stuff though. If she says it's not what she expected just say your art is a rare and unpredictable gift.

Or stick with no. What doesn't she learn herself if she's so mad on the idea? Tiny things are ideal for a beginner. Or...getting more evil, for her baby gift, buy her a beginners knotting set? Grin

MandalaYogaTapestry · 20/08/2017 14:13

Hand-knitted baby cardigans are from £10 at local markets and fairs. Surely if she just needed a cardy it would be easy to buy. The fact that she is asking you, repeatedly, would imply that it means something to her to have it done by family. I would feel touched and do it. If you don't have time or don't want to - fair enough but I'd say it's a shame.

SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 20/08/2017 14:20

I like the idea of buying her a pair of needles and a ball of wool for her baby present Grin

When she first asked she told me she saw big balls of wool for £2 odd in pound stretcher but I told her it was no good so that's why she's been asking me where to get it from.

The reason she wants it from me and not to buy one is because I can do the motif she wants (e.g a bunny or a flower etc) and she thinks she would only have to pay like £3 for a ball of yarn.

I feel very proud and happy that someone wants me to make them something but asking me over and over again when I said I've not really got the time isn't fair to me.

OP posts:
Cupoteap · 20/08/2017 14:23

You could make her a really itchy scarf as a peace offering Grin

OfficerVanHalen · 20/08/2017 14:23

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Pumperthepumper · 20/08/2017 14:35

I love knitting, although I'm crocheting just now (never crochet before, but halfway through the attic24 hydrangea blanket) and I love doing it, so soothing and satisfying. I don't have anything else to add to this thread, I just want to talk about it.

Any favourite patterns?

SpareChangeDownTheSofa · 20/08/2017 14:52

I was going to learn to crochet but my mum told me it was harder than knitting(plus she can knit) so I learned that instead.

At the minute I'm doing a honeycomb stitch scarf. My first scarf I did a row of knit then a row of purl and it completely curled in on itself Grin I still have it somewhere

Officer Exactly! Its a nice thing to just surprise someone with something you've took time to make but as soon as I get told to do something it makes me want to stop. Like when I was a kid I'd start my homework but as soon as my mum asked me to do it I'd be like ''Well. I'm not doing it now!'' haha!

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 20/08/2017 15:04

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IncyWincyGrownUp · 20/08/2017 15:05

I can crochet squares and hexagons, that's as far as my addled brain will let me progress.

DixieNormas · 20/08/2017 15:07

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HazelBite · 20/08/2017 15:08

I bake, and make by hand all the decorations to put on cakes.

I used to make birthday and celebration cakes to order, but soon realised when people questioned the price that they had no conception of the time involved. The ingredients are a small part of the cost, and I would get comments such as "Gosh I could get a birthday cake a lot cheaper in Tesco"

When I "do" a cake now it is by way of gift for those close to me who appreciate the time and trouble taken, not for friends of friends etc.

FinallyDecidedOnUserName · 20/08/2017 15:11

Ha ha. Knit something sooooo hideous she'll never ask again.

Pumperthepumper · 20/08/2017 15:22

Dixie ahhh that ripple blanket is lovely! DS wants the coast one (the Moana one, as he calls it) so I'm doing that one next. Here's what I'm doing right this minute!

To tell her to piss off?