Situation with a child with austim. Could I have done it differently

[Partypolitics99]

Went to a swimming pool this morning with DH and DS had lots of water slides. One of them is a big tube slide and you can't see the bottom from the top but most of kids seemed really good at giving time for the kids who had just gone down to clear the bottom before they went.
DS we in the queue with DH at the top with him. Before DS was a lad of about 8 or so who came half way down the slide and then stuck his legs out so he did not come down any further. When he did not come out as I expected i peered up the slide and saw that he had stopped himself halfway down and was messing about. I immediately shouted at DH to hold DS at the top of the slide.
I shouted to the lad that he needed to come out as kids where waiting
His mum who had been standing back and I did not clock she was with him said to me "don't shout at him he has austim and likes doing that in the slide".
I replied
"I am sorry but I was not trying to tell him off I am more worried if an older lad or girls come down the slide they will crash into him and your son will he hurt, also little ones may be upset if they get trapped behind him"
She shouted "he had SN for gods sae do you know what they means"
(By this time DH had come down with DS and clocked what was happening and another dad was holding the rest of the kids at the top of the slide) DH spoke to a lifeguard who came over and explained to the Mum that her son and others could get hurt if he blocks the slide.

The Mum shouts him down and he slides down straight away" I get a horrid look but think that is that"
Ten minutes later I am walking past the slide with DS and who is emerging from the slide with a bloody nose- her son
The Mum was going mad with the lifeguard and the parent of the boy who had come down the slide and crashed into him.
Mum then storms into dressing room past me with her son and shouts at me "are you happy now? Piss off"
Did I honestly do anything wrong.

Ignore that spite, kkkkaty, of course you didn't. Reasonable people can see that.

really surprised by the attitudes I've seen on here and sorry for the posters looking for support. This thread is wandering off now to suit various other hidden agendas. Seems like we are not all about support and advice when push comes to shove.

I can't see where anyone has said they are a great parent but I don't think there is anything wrong in a parent celebrating their child's achievements no matter how big or small. None of this is really relative to the op who asked if she handled a particular situation in the best way.

Actually Katy yes it is. You are right different children will respond differently. Whilst I think it is fab that you have managed to get your son where he is, it isn't possible for all children with asd to cope and fit in to this degree. As I have explained I have one child who is similar in many respects. She is difficult, much more difficult than many. She an be aggressive and hard to manage but it is possible in some circumstances to fit in with rules and conventions. she is moderately affected by her autism. With ds it is a completely different ball game, It may be the same diagnosis but he is as far apart from her as he is from NT children. What I disliked most about your post was your assertion that in some way you had decided he would comply and that you had fought to ensure that he did in some way. I have similarly fought with my dd for some measure of compliance. I could fight till I was 500 and it makes not a scrap of difference to my ds who is hypersensitive to noise and completely and utterly incapable of understanding rules and social conventions. If you are severely autistic and have a learning disability there is no way that brilliant parenting will change this. I am sure you are a lovely person and great parent and I don't actually think you meant to be unkind in your comments, but inadvertently you have conflated your experience of autism to talk about the whole spectrum here in a way which is very unhelpful. Some children with asd cannot cope with noise or being spoken to. We try and talk quietly and in another room to ds. Some kids with asd have very rigid behaviours which no amount of coaxing or discipline will change. I actually think the Op here may well have been totally right. This mum shouldn't have sworn and should have been closer so she could intervene more quickly but that doesn't excuse the lack of understanding on this thread.

Thankyou dressed. Barbie you're right. My son getting where he's got is down to him. He set his sights at uni. I encouraged but ultimately he achieved it with his hard work and determination he did it. Not for one minute did I think well done me. Well done him !!

We aren't talking about the degree of disability in this case because we don't know. His mum obviously judged he was ok on the equipment but he might well have really needed support / adjustments. We are really talking about whether the mum's actions were those of a reasonable parent and what we can reasonably do to keep all of our children safe.

No one is saying they are perfect and celebrating achievement is not the same as comparing children.

Re sn being used as an excuse, I have only ever witnessed it from parents with dc who are at the milder end of the scale. I've never seen anyone with a more difficult child, or a milder child having a bad moment, use sn as an excuse for bad parenting or bad behaviour. And on those handful of occasions the behaviour in question has usually not been anything that is associated with the child's dx.

It is also not something that I've seen regularly. I do however regularly witness people who falsely believe the behaviour of a child with sn is down to bad parents making excuses.

Clearly the woman in the op wbu, but her behaviour is no more representative of parents of dc with sn than the stereotype of the pfb parent is representative of parents of nt dc.

No links. Threads were deleted as they got nasty which I did say. No it's not off to say what I have. It's off how I was responded to. I compared the two threads as they were extremely similar. I haven't randomly commented on a thread with Fanjo for example on house keeping ? I take it back up has arrived ?? . And if your suggesting I'm making it up that's ridiculous. Why would I go to all this trouble for godsake

No we weren't talking about degree of disability but it is relevant. Some people have responded by talking about how it is perfectly possible to teach autistic children to follow rules and those that don't are somehow lacking or lazy. I am pointing out that this isn't always the case. Autism is a spectrum. This means that the degree and nature of difficulty varies significantly. Autism can be accompanied by a learning disability. These are not always visible or obvious. If you see an autistic person behaving 'badly' and a carer unable to manage, you should consider this. I am sure I will be told next that the person should get help from social services...

None of my posts have ever said another parent is lazy or not capable. All I have done is talk about my experience.

That's an idiotic comment Dixie. I mean really ?

I'm done. Thankyou for all the lovely comments from the sensible posters. I'm making it all up is the best the fan club can come up with.
Op I'm sorry I derailed I know that's extremely bad manners on here. When I saw the name pop up I couldn't resist as it's something that bothered me a great deal at the time.

Katy you say that you have offended other parents because you have said you wouldn't let bad behaviour go because of his aspergers. This does imply that you think they have 'let bad behaviour go'. This does clearly imply that you are saying your parenting is in some way better and that your refusal to let it go has resulted in better outcomes. I am not going to retype what I have already put but please remember that some young people with autism have very challenging behaviour and severe learning disabilities and sensory challenges. They cannot be managed by simply being consistent and firm. I have read all the books and have seen this in action in two v differently affected children.

Hmm, it does look as if back up has been called for. I have had a similar experience when discussing my dd with ASD on here, same posters being nasty.

kkkaty123 I completely believe you as it happened to me. Amazing how nasty some posters can be in the name of promoting tolerance.

That mother why let your kid block the slide ? she should go down with him. She needs to communicate better. Special needs or not bet she wouldn't let him sit in the road. You done the right thing where other people are to scared to speak up.

Lay off, kkkkaty. This is beginning to look like bullying. Not nice.

Not being one of the "same old same old", I'll stick to making up my mind about posters based on, er, what they write!

PS I am not part of anyones's fan club. I v rarely post on these threads either perhaps for similar reasons to yourself. However, I honestly think you have got this one wrong in some of your comments. Maybe it is a good reminder that when you have met one child with autism you have met just one. They are so different in their strengths, weaknesses and challenges. Just as different as they are to NT children.