Situation with a child with austim. Could I have done it differently

[Partypolitics99]

Went to a swimming pool this morning with DH and DS had lots of water slides. One of them is a big tube slide and you can't see the bottom from the top but most of kids seemed really good at giving time for the kids who had just gone down to clear the bottom before they went.
DS we in the queue with DH at the top with him. Before DS was a lad of about 8 or so who came half way down the slide and then stuck his legs out so he did not come down any further. When he did not come out as I expected i peered up the slide and saw that he had stopped himself halfway down and was messing about. I immediately shouted at DH to hold DS at the top of the slide.
I shouted to the lad that he needed to come out as kids where waiting
His mum who had been standing back and I did not clock she was with him said to me "don't shout at him he has austim and likes doing that in the slide".
I replied
"I am sorry but I was not trying to tell him off I am more worried if an older lad or girls come down the slide they will crash into him and your son will he hurt, also little ones may be upset if they get trapped behind him"
She shouted "he had SN for gods sae do you know what they means"
(By this time DH had come down with DS and clocked what was happening and another dad was holding the rest of the kids at the top of the slide) DH spoke to a lifeguard who came over and explained to the Mum that her son and others could get hurt if he blocks the slide.

The Mum shouts him down and he slides down straight away" I get a horrid look but think that is that"
Ten minutes later I am walking past the slide with DS and who is emerging from the slide with a bloody nose- her son
The Mum was going mad with the lifeguard and the parent of the boy who had come down the slide and crashed into him.
Mum then storms into dressing room past me with her son and shouts at me "are you happy now? Piss off"
Did I honestly do anything wrong.

Fanjo, you are turning in to a bully on these threads, I can also reel off a list of exactly who will come and support you. Two are now banned.

Just leave it.

Yes, they are, as you well know.

Listen to yourself, read back your comments and they way that you treat people.

You keep saying that and then returning.

Thanks again for all the reports on this thread.

Discussions like this often get heated but we'd like to remind you that Mumsnet is here to make parents' lives easier. While we encourage healthy and robust discussion, we hope that everyone can respect each other in their choices and express their views without resorting to personal attacks.
We're sure you'd all agree that parents need all the support they can get.
After all, parenting is hard enough without facing judgment and criticism for those choices.
Peace and love'

Cansu it's very difficult, very. Nor do I think Katy meant that all it takes, for a child with ASD to behave, is to put in firm boundaries.

A year ago, I went to a behavioural workshop where the present worked with a lot of teenagers/adults on the Autistic spectrum. He quoted that quite a "few Autistic teenagers/adults are in prison". He didn't believe that we shouldn't teach our children the appropriate social skills/appropriate behaviour because they have ASD and well all these behavioural challenges comes with it. Like he said... "when the child with ASD becomes an adult, and has to function in the world on his own and commits a crime (which is the majority of the time not out of anger but due to unmet needs....) the law would trial him as an Adult, taking very little account of his ASD". I'm not sure how this is true.

I didn't think the OP was being unreasonable, I do think it's our jobs as parents to teach our children...even more !social skills/ what's unacceptable behaviour... this may not be done in a conventional way (telling off a child, reprimanding them) ... it could in a form of using a social story, modelling appropriate behaviour, get the child to express their feelings (either using emotion cards, Makaton, talking about feelings and how other people feel if they do XYZ...targeting sensory needs/sensory inputs.

I say this because as the children get bigger and stronger, I fear that it would be even more challenging to handle, so it's good to put this in place now rather than later.

Erinaz my child did sit in the road for about 5 minutes one day last week. When I tried to move him he headbutted me and bit my arms. So I had to wait until he had calmed enough to move without doing severe damage. It was a quiet road but still held up 3 cars. Unfortunately unavoidable.

To point, DS had a very very very bad patch some time ago. It was difficult, I feared I wouldn't be able to control him any longer. The specialists were telling me to ignore his behaviour, this didn't work but actually escalated. I did have to be firm and stand my ground (not reprimanding) but it was very difficult.

I created a visual timetable of what I expected of him and did this every time we went out, if he broke my rules, we would leave wherever we were and go back home. It was hell( as DS loves being outside) but I had to be very rigid and stick to it. I then began to target his sensory needs, fidget Toys which he can use if he was ever feelings anxious. DS has an high tec AAC and I began modelling feelings...so whenever I felt sad, I will model "I feel sad because my tummy hurts" or "I feel angry because my TV show isn't coming on". In hope that he too can learn how to express his emotions, instead of lashing out. It was very hard and was a long slog but we are getting there.

Notgivingin that would only apply if the adult with asd had capacity, which some will not.

Hello, I have 2 sons with severe autism and 1 in particular can be dangerous like this. It is quite common for an autistic child to have their own quirks and enjoyments and nothing will stop them doing it (I will ignore the comments about parental discipline you have received as that is very unfair to any parent of an autistic child). In saying that when we take him out he is literally shadowed by an adult at all times and in this instance I would have spoken to the lifeguard first and made arrangements for my son to be able to do what he needs safely for both him and other children. If I don't have enough care/adults I don't take him out simple as that. To be frank this woman was just rude to you. It's easy to get stressed as a parent no matter what the circumstances but I would never talk to someone like that, I'm more likely seen apologising constantly! I actually applaud you for asking the question if everyone learnt more it would be wonderful. You did nothing wrong

spikey thanks for clearing that up, don't know much about law.

But, I feared, if DS lashing out didn't resolve, it may come to a point he will lash out at someone in public and that person may retaliate/quite badly towards him. That's what I learn by putting in the strategies now so it doesn't become a big issue.

Don't go, kkkkaty123. People can see exactly what happened in this thread (and happens often in others). And congratulations to your son for his uni results!

Bloody hell fanjo, when did you become the devil incarnate and target of incomprehensible rage?!....
Mn is weird.

As far as this thread goes - the child in question seems to be apply to follow clear instructions (at least when he is only having fun on the slide and not in meltdown) as on the occasion his mama DID tell him to shift his butt, he immediately complied. Presumably most people were commenting based on the fact that the mama knew her son's favourite slide activity, and that he was able to follow instructions to not stop on the slide, but wasn't supervising him, despite knowing he could get hurt or hurt others.
This is slightly different to the 'child in the road' story, where the mama was presumably aware of what he was doing and the capacity for danger, and remained standing next to him, and preventing him from being hit by cars, rather than deciding to go and grab a coffee out of sight while she waited for him to move.

I don't think it's fair to use this thread as a place to attack other posters based on a previous alleged thread that caused offence. It's not productive and definitely not in keeping with the ethos of Mumsnet. It is also not remotely relevant to this thread.

I know, Fanjo keeps flouncing off, then coming back on, make your mind up! Very sensible posts from other parents of kids with SN, mumofmany, I totally agree with you. If I hadn't got another person with me for example swimming, or sift play, I can't take dd out. That is the reality.

Waitingforgodot, it was entirely relevant, this has been going on for too long and MNHQ needs to do something about it.

It's bullying and I think that quite of few of us can see that.

I have no idea as to why penis beaker has been referenced other than it possibly is being used as a subtle jibe at 'newer' posters.

It doesn't make any difference when someone joins, all are welcome and old posters should have no more leeway in their behaviour than new ones.
I have been here since 2003, so am not new or 'a random' as another poster was so charmingly described.

I have been here since 2007, and still don't get this penis beaker rubbish!