Situation with a child with austim. Could I have done it differently

[Partypolitics99]

Went to a swimming pool this morning with DH and DS had lots of water slides. One of them is a big tube slide and you can't see the bottom from the top but most of kids seemed really good at giving time for the kids who had just gone down to clear the bottom before they went.
DS we in the queue with DH at the top with him. Before DS was a lad of about 8 or so who came half way down the slide and then stuck his legs out so he did not come down any further. When he did not come out as I expected i peered up the slide and saw that he had stopped himself halfway down and was messing about. I immediately shouted at DH to hold DS at the top of the slide.
I shouted to the lad that he needed to come out as kids where waiting
His mum who had been standing back and I did not clock she was with him said to me "don't shout at him he has austim and likes doing that in the slide".
I replied
"I am sorry but I was not trying to tell him off I am more worried if an older lad or girls come down the slide they will crash into him and your son will he hurt, also little ones may be upset if they get trapped behind him"
She shouted "he had SN for gods sae do you know what they means"
(By this time DH had come down with DS and clocked what was happening and another dad was holding the rest of the kids at the top of the slide) DH spoke to a lifeguard who came over and explained to the Mum that her son and others could get hurt if he blocks the slide.

The Mum shouts him down and he slides down straight away" I get a horrid look but think that is that"
Ten minutes later I am walking past the slide with DS and who is emerging from the slide with a bloody nose- her son
The Mum was going mad with the lifeguard and the parent of the boy who had come down the slide and crashed into him.
Mum then storms into dressing room past me with her son and shouts at me "are you happy now? Piss off"
Did I honestly do anything wrong.

Not unreasonable at all OP.

It is his mum's job to teach him how to play and use equipment safely , he was not safe therefore he got hurt.

You did nothing wrong.

YANBU for exactly the same reason that Crusoe said

Maybe i did shout too quickly but I just had visions of him being ploughed into. If the Mum had said he had autism and I think he is having trouble getting down, I would have said "can I help in any way"
Also the mum was stood quite a way back from the slide so I did not clock that she was with him

My DS now has a false front tooth because of a situation like this. Kid in slide who shouldn't have been there and my DS couldn't see him or stop in time .
YWNBU

You were in the right.

Also as soon as the mum did shout for him to come down after the lifeguard had a word and my goodness did she bellow at him, he came down straight away

She shouldn't have sworn at you. She may have been having a shit day maybe you didn't speak very nicely to her either. Who knows? Anyway I would put it behind you. You did what you thought was best at the time.

Agree with pp, as a mum of an SN child its my job to make sure he isnt a danger to himself or others, if that means not letying him do something he wants then thats what I'll do
Sounds like the mum is using it as an excuse, its our job as parents to make sure our kids understand the rules, especially when they struggle with it

YANBU, it was a safety matter, the kids needs to use the equipment according to the rules to stay safe as his mother found out. I say this as a mother with a child with special needs including ASD.

One other thing to consider though is that some kids with severe disabilities cannot be parented in the same way. My ds cannot understand verbal instructions, gets easily over whelmed and anxious and is generally operating at a very low level cognitively. You could be the best parent in the world and not be able to get him to do what you want! I think some people forget that autism is a spectrum and whilst some children with autism can be taught to follow rules, not all children with autism can. Short of refusing to take him anywhere in case he has a meltdown or does the wrong thing, I and many parents like me do the best we can.

Unfortunately having a child with SN doesn't mean you can't be an utter dick. She is one

My grandson has autism, but he is taught what is appropriate behaviour by his mother - he can't always work it out for himself. She's consistent with him and reiterates things over and over until he understands ... or at least does it to conform, . If ever he doesn't do as he should he is removed from the activity and won't be allowed to do it again until it's safe.

Yes, it can be difficult to work out if the child is acting how he is because of his autism or because he is being naughty but the end result is the same...ALL children need to be kept safe.

The mother may well have been exhausted ... or she may just have been letting him do whatever he wanted to do.

You did nothing wrong OP, you were simply trying to prevent an accident.

She is in the wrong.

My son has autism. I would never let him stop midway in a slide on purpose and block it! If I'd seen he was doing that I would of done something such as get him myself etc or shout out to him straight away. if I hadn't of seen and someone shouted that he needed to move I probs would of ran over and said I'm sorry, he has autism and doesn't fully understand, let me just do/say move him some how, I didn't see him etc
I would not of shouted at you or raised my voice, her son needs to learn that he cannot do that!

In that case cansu then mum goes on the slide with child.......i've been there. Many times over and worked bloody hard to keep my child and others safe at the same time giving them a decent, quality of life.

I have no time at all for those who don't.

And I can honestly say I would have assisted you in anyway I could justdontknow
But as others said she may have been at the end of her rope that's way I did not say anything back when she told me to piss off

Surprised there wasn't a lifeguard there supervising tbh!
This ^

Every pool where I've been with a slide in the UK, has had a lifeguard supervising, surprised that they would risk not having this (any small child could stop partway down, and its usually hard for shorted kids to see the bottom and check). Seems crazy to rely on a bunch of excited kids to wait patiently and double check that the person before is out

Every pool where I've been with a slide in the UK, has had a lifeguard supervising,

I've had day passes to holiday park pools with slides that don't have a lifeguard

I can understand frustration with a child with special needs however there is never a need to swear, but his mum should have been there and supervising him 100% (my son is autistic and no way would I have let this happen when he was younger - though he would never have done it anyway).

You were not unreasonable in your response at all.

No you didn't do anything wrong but I wouldn't judge the mum too harshly though... maybe she was having a particularly bad day, felt stressed, judged? Sounds like a tough situation

...or maybe, just maybe, she is just simply a rude twat who happily let her own DC put himself in danger as well as others and was then really nasty to OP.

You did nothing wrong at all. The child who stopped on the slide could have caused a very nasty accident to himself the next person down or probably both. I blame the mother entirely. It was very irresponsible and dangerous really that she knew the child had this habit of stopping and yet continued to let him use the slide.

My DD has learning difficulties which result in her having problems similar to autism.

She has no danger awareness at all and I have to be that filter for her. If she goes on slides in pools we have to have one parent at the top, one at the bottom to make sure she's safe and the other people around her.

However. I agree with PPs who have said go easy on the mum. It is tough dealing with the situations that our DCs present us with, and very often parents are coping with little or no support. She may have just been having one of those days and snapped, unfortunately you were at the receiving end of it. Unpleasant for you though.

There's always one. ds works at a slide attendant at our pool, and dd1 is now a lifeguard having done her time as a slide attendant. At dd1's first shift as a slide attendant, a dad brought his little boy to the top of the slide, ignoring the many many signs and warnings and height limits. Dd1 explained that unfortunately the little boy was too little to use this slide, and double-riding wasn't allowed, so he would need to walk the little boy down the stairs. Dad argued with her for five minutes (dd1 is a complete sweetheart) and she just reiterated, I'm sorry, it's not safe for him, please walk him down, and the dad said 'well you'll have to fucking deal with him then' and got on the slide and slid off, leaving dd1 with the about three year old who was now distressed that his dad had fucked off without him. There are always parents, sn or not, that seem to think 'hey it's a slide, let the kids do what they want' and don't understand safety implications. To be reiterating this case to a lad with autism, instead of going over the rules with him for his own safety and those of others, is completely counter-productive.
Sadly, this mama will now feel completely exonerated, as her sn son got hurt, and will probably make a complaint. Hopefully the lifeguard who documented the injury and provided first aid also recorded that the accident was caused by the child blocking the slide, refusing to move, and that the parent had been asked to ensure he did not do that, prior to the accident happening.
Poor kid though. No chance of learning how to conduct himself appropriately when his mama has no interest in teaching him.

Ywnbu. That woman was a class A twat. Her precious's needs obviously override everybody else's.