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Situation with a child with austim. Could I have done it differently

266 replies

Partypolitics99 · 19/08/2017 19:57

Went to a swimming pool this morning with DH and DS had lots of water slides. One of them is a big tube slide and you can't see the bottom from the top but most of kids seemed really good at giving time for the kids who had just gone down to clear the bottom before they went.
DS we in the queue with DH at the top with him. Before DS was a lad of about 8 or so who came half way down the slide and then stuck his legs out so he did not come down any further. When he did not come out as I expected i peered up the slide and saw that he had stopped himself halfway down and was messing about. I immediately shouted at DH to hold DS at the top of the slide.
I shouted to the lad that he needed to come out as kids where waiting
His mum who had been standing back and I did not clock she was with him said to me "don't shout at him he has austim and likes doing that in the slide".
I replied
"I am sorry but I was not trying to tell him off I am more worried if an older lad or girls come down the slide they will crash into him and your son will he hurt, also little ones may be upset if they get trapped behind him"
She shouted "he had SN for gods sae do you know what they means"
(By this time DH had come down with DS and clocked what was happening and another dad was holding the rest of the kids at the top of the slide) DH spoke to a lifeguard who came over and explained to the Mum that her son and others could get hurt if he blocks the slide.

The Mum shouts him down and he slides down straight away" I get a horrid look but think that is that"
Ten minutes later I am walking past the slide with DS and who is emerging from the slide with a bloody nose- her son
The Mum was going mad with the lifeguard and the parent of the boy who had come down the slide and crashed into him.
Mum then storms into dressing room past me with her son and shouts at me "are you happy now? Piss off"
Did I honestly do anything wrong.

OP posts:
kkkkaty123 · 20/08/2017 14:28

Thank you barbie that's very kind.

happymumof4crazykids · 20/08/2017 14:30

Regardless of any SN safety rules have to be followed by everyone! You did nothing wrong. That child will never learn right from wrong if his mother doesn't teach him.

FanjoForTheMammaries · 20/08/2017 14:36

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DamsonGin · 20/08/2017 14:43

Nice one on your lad getting into uni, katy123

kkkkaty123 · 20/08/2017 14:45

Thanks damson !!
Fanjo. That's totally not what you said to me. But I'll have to let that go as the thread was deleted.

FanjoForTheMammaries · 20/08/2017 14:47

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FrancisCrawford · 20/08/2017 14:49

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GetOutOfMYGarden · 20/08/2017 14:55

OP said that the minute his mum bellowed for him to get down, he got down. The dragging a child in meltdown off doesnt exist here.

FanjoForTheMammaries · 20/08/2017 15:07

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kkkkaty123 · 20/08/2017 15:12

Thankyou Frances

I have made so many bloody mistakes with my ds and had to learn many a tough lesson. But I did my best. When he was first diagnosed and his behaviour was awful and I mean awful. I asked myself do I let this behaviour go because he has his diagnosis or do I try to bring him up as I have my other dc but obviously with different tactics. And I choose the latter. No it wasn't bloody easy. Some days I was on my knees Sad I was tutted at and commented on in super markets. I lost friends but the two friends I did have st the time were bloody amazing. Frances i was ripped apart on another thread for saying exactly what I've just said. By parents who have been through exactly the same but were offended that I said I wouldn't let bad behaviour go as ds had Aspergers.
This is the first thread I've commented on since regarding sn because who needs the grief ?

FanjoForTheMammaries · 20/08/2017 15:14

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FrancisCrawford · 20/08/2017 15:17

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Barbie222 · 20/08/2017 15:20

Flowers to Katy.

OP if you are still listening 👂 hope you sorted out the wheat and chaff on this thread and are feeling reassured.

wizzywig · 20/08/2017 15:23

Yanbu and im a mum of kids with sen. The world doesnt stop for my kids.

kkkkaty123 · 20/08/2017 15:24

But Fanjo. You don't know me in real life. Yet from one paragraph I wrote you decided you knew enough to rip into me. And tbh Fanjo I've seen you do the same to another mum who started a thread. She was a single mum with three children. One of which was about to get a diagnosis. She worded her thread in a way you didn't agree with and you gave her the same welcome I got. You don't seem to show much empathy to other posters or explain exactly what your issues are.

kkkkaty123 · 20/08/2017 15:28

Frances and barbie Flowers

Spottytop1 · 20/08/2017 15:30

OP you did nothing wrong - the child was being dangerous and was also in danger himself and needed to be told.

The mum was out of order swearing at you.

kali110 · 20/08/2017 15:35

kkkaty you sound like an amazing mom. That is amazing news about your son!

BertrandRussell · 20/08/2017 15:36

You did nothing wrong- but I would cut her some slack. It might have been a dreadful day.

FanjoForTheMammaries · 20/08/2017 15:40

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kkkkaty123 · 20/08/2017 15:40

Lol oh bless you Kali. I'm really not I'm just normal. Ds is very gifted in one particular subject. Probably his Aspergers is to thank for that if I'm honest !!!

kkkkaty123 · 20/08/2017 15:41

Well if you have I haven't seen it.

cansu · 20/08/2017 15:49

I had promosed myself to not look at this thread again t save myself some grief but here we go..
Please do not use this thread to tell everyone what a great parent you are. I have two kids with asd. One it is totally possible to discipline hwr despite trantrums and upset and to explain rules to a degree. One child I may as well be speakibg a foreign language. This is not down to being a super parent. It is because one is much much more severely disabled. In many ways my children are as diffwrent to each other as they are different to children who are NT. It is impossible seemingly for people to understand this.

kkkkaty123 · 20/08/2017 15:54

If that's directed at me where on earth have I said what a great parent I am. And this is exactly the response I expected !

kkkkaty123 · 20/08/2017 15:56

Oh and totally agree different children - different needs and you can only go on your own experience can't you.