Situation with a child with austim. Could I have done it differently

[Partypolitics99]

Went to a swimming pool this morning with DH and DS had lots of water slides. One of them is a big tube slide and you can't see the bottom from the top but most of kids seemed really good at giving time for the kids who had just gone down to clear the bottom before they went.
DS we in the queue with DH at the top with him. Before DS was a lad of about 8 or so who came half way down the slide and then stuck his legs out so he did not come down any further. When he did not come out as I expected i peered up the slide and saw that he had stopped himself halfway down and was messing about. I immediately shouted at DH to hold DS at the top of the slide.
I shouted to the lad that he needed to come out as kids where waiting
His mum who had been standing back and I did not clock she was with him said to me "don't shout at him he has austim and likes doing that in the slide".
I replied
"I am sorry but I was not trying to tell him off I am more worried if an older lad or girls come down the slide they will crash into him and your son will he hurt, also little ones may be upset if they get trapped behind him"
She shouted "he had SN for gods sae do you know what they means"
(By this time DH had come down with DS and clocked what was happening and another dad was holding the rest of the kids at the top of the slide) DH spoke to a lifeguard who came over and explained to the Mum that her son and others could get hurt if he blocks the slide.

The Mum shouts him down and he slides down straight away" I get a horrid look but think that is that"
Ten minutes later I am walking past the slide with DS and who is emerging from the slide with a bloody nose- her son
The Mum was going mad with the lifeguard and the parent of the boy who had come down the slide and crashed into him.
Mum then storms into dressing room past me with her son and shouts at me "are you happy now? Piss off"
Did I honestly do anything wrong.

If they could not get the boy out, that would mean the slide being closed, whilstcthey try to get him out, it effects others enjoyment of the equipment.

You were proven right when he came out with a bloody nose. How the hell are you to know who his mum is to chat to her about the danger? Most don't wear matching swimming sets to make it easy!

YANBU. His mum is a lazy cow.

Yanbu. As well as safety it also needs to be balanced against the fact he was unlikely to be the only child with sn there. One of dd's friends could not have managed to wait safely till he chose to move and then just carry on with the day as you'd expect an nt dc to because of her own sn. Yes the woman might be having a bad day but by the same token she didn't know that op didn't have a child with sn waiting too.

OP, I'm curious where this occurred. It's not usual to have a slide where there is no life guard and where you can't see down the slide.

Was it a public pool?

I'd raise my concerns about the safety with the pool and possible with the local environmental health dept health and safety dept (if they aren't the right body then I'm sure they will tell who is). The lifeguards should have recorded the accident.

It was a pool that is on a holiday resort but is also open to the public.

I'm guessing it wasn't a full big slide but still sounds like it should have been supervised if you couldn't see the end. Maybe an SN accommodation could have been asking for a lifeguard to pause people at the top, if its something that lad likes to do often. It might inconvenience others for a moment longer but if its not an unsafe act in isolation, they might have been okay with it.

I think though op, you did just fine, especially not knowing of his autism or that his mum was close by. It evidently was an unsafe thing to be doing.

As I said I did look round for the parent but noone seems to be that close by. And I did peer up the slide first and then shout to my DH to hold DS back. I then just said ok in a loud voice as there was running water all over the place for the lad to come down. Then then the mum came storming over. If she had said something as I was looking up the slide followed by me telling DS to stop I would have fully let her deal with the situation.
I have had a chat with my DH said he said he went and got the lifeguard because the Mum sounded like she was just going to leave him to it and there were a few parents with kids at the top of the slide muttering that we should just let our kids go down then he would learn!!!!!!

i am also going to get in touch with the pool tomorrow and ask to speak to the manager about what happened as people on here are right the slide should be supervised

It was a pool that is on a holiday resort but is also open to the public

Im pretty sure that the local authority is responsible for health and safety enforcement at 'holiday camps'

I find it hard to picture how the slide could be unmanned when it is so obviously unsafe.

As a parent with an ASD child, NO you did not.

if her son likes to do that she should be supervising him to makes sure he doesn't get hurt/no one else gets hurt.

A busy slide isn't really the place to be doing what he likes all the time, and it isn't nice of her to use his ASD as an excuse.

cansu You raise some good points, except he responded to his mother telling him to come down, so that obviously wasn't' an issue. Add to which, the mother was rude to op, which isn't needed. How are we supposed to ask for awareness and patience, when reacting like that?

SN is no reason to be an abusive parent.

She tried. She failed but she tried. And I'm pretty certain she is beating herself up about it. She didn't try, she wasn't even supervising him, and then left him to repeat the same behaviour that she had been told by the lifeguard was dangerous.

A small point but OP said she shouted to the child, not at the child as others have incorrectly stated. She had to make herself heard.

Of course you were not being U. How were you to know he had SNs? You just saw a child putting himself in danger and tried to avert an accident.

"However I do feel there is an increasing attitude that some (not all) parents expect the world to revolve around their SN children to the detriment of others."

If you think the world revolves around anyone with sn then you seriously haven't a clue. Perhaps you should spend a few days with a parent of a child with severe sn and then you might have a clue how the world is for that family.

The mum may well be having an off day. She may well be beating herself up about what she did. But her behaviour was still awful on every front - bad judgement, shifting blame, refusing to take responsibility. And when you take it out on a member of the public who you know nothing about and you can't later apologise to, its cowardly and borderline abusive.

The adjustment that was necessary in this case was to have a staff member making sure everyone had an appropriate amount of time alone in the slide to use the slide safely for the purpose for which it was designed. There just isn't any other possibility here because, as many of us have pointed out, you can't rely on the general public to make adjustments for dealing with situations they can't read in advance, may not be familiar with, and aren't responsible for. A good number of people who read and commented on this thread have children with disabilities, have had a lot of common sense, and have hopefully given the OP some reassurement and things to think about. This is how attitudes towards children with disabilities are (slowly) changed.

I agree Barbie, in this situation it was not safe or reasonable to do whatche was doing, the mum behaved in a very entitled and twatish way.

This thread has some terrible attitudes towards disabled children and their families hidden amongst all the self righteous I would never let my child behave like that stuff. Tone and attitude is very important in these things. I have a ds who splashes hugely in the pool. He always picks the same spot and happily splashes away for about an hour. People swimming around either smile at him or frown and tut because the splashing irritates them. Some complain about his presence to the lifeguard or to me.. some not so nicely. Most people put a positive spin on how they relate their own part in confrontations. They suggest they were just pointing somethibg out or helping to make something clear etc etc. I am sure many of the people who have complained not so nicely about my son would present me as a crap parent who was too weak to tell her son off for splashing in such a ridiculous manner. They probably disliked my response when I said there was nothing I could do other than leave which I wasnt prepared to do etc etc. Everyone has completely accepted the Op version of this and so many people have jumped in to talk about so and so wouldnt let their child behave like this that I really despair of any understanding. The mum should absolutely not have sworn at the op. She should have explained he needed more time to come down and encouraged him down while the op son waited. The op has like many people who come on here doscovered that kids with sm are out there pissing off other NT people and their parents. Kids with severe sn cause problems for others but probably nowhere near as many problems as nt people cause them! My kids are hard hard work. My eldest is super difficult to care for. I am constantly weighing up the risk of taking him out and debating whether I will be able to manage it and risk assessing everything. There are a lot if assumptions on this thread about parents and about how all kids can and should be disciplined. Of course I do my utmost to keep my kids safe and to protect others from them. I am by my sons side all the time and supervise him v closely but he isnt a toddler you can pick uo and remove and in a meltdown is impossible to handle at all. I am probably going to stop looking at this now because it is making me pissed off.

census we have accepted op version, as that's what we have.a slide is lightly different to your situation. In a slide, the boy was blocking it, which is a safety hazard, does not matter if he had an or no, that is unsafe behaviour. As a parent, the mum should have been supervising him, and trying to deal with the situation, which she was not! As a result children can get injured, I believe the boy was, as the mum probably carried on with what she was doing.

I agree with cansu
We are only hearing one side of the conversation here. I'm going to put myself in the shoes of the woman with the autistic child. So the boy wants to go on the slide. He prob needs a bit of space to come down it so he doesn't feel too crowded. Oh wait a minute. Here's a woman shouting at my son. Hope this doesn't send him into meltdown. I'm annoyed that she's shouted at my son but I'll explain he's autistic and likes to stop in slide sometimes. The woman doesn't listen to me and her husband goes over to lifeguard. Later on I see the same woman go over to the parent of child who has crashed into mine and is clearly talking about me. She's not once asked if me or my son are ok. I feel harassed. I may have sworn at her.
See what I did there? A bit of kindness and empathy needed not judgemental posts

YANBU OP. The woman's behaviour was awful; both in terms of parenting and how she responded to you.

I'm going to put myself in the shoes of the woman with the autistic child. So the boy wants to go on the slide. He prob needs a bit of space to come down it so he doesn't feel too crowded.

Then you, the woman, should have been a lot closer and supervising him.

Here's a woman shouting at my son.

Not shouting at, shouting to. Out of concern for his safety and the safety of others.

The woman doesn't listen to me and her husband goes over to lifeguard.

Because you are not keeping your child, or other children safe.

I feel harassed.

Then parent your child, stay close so this can't happen.

1. Shouting to rather than at an autistic child can be the same thing. My ds cannot cope with any raised voice. He would interpret it in the same way.

2 The mum did respond when she saw the op shouting at or to her child she explained he had autism and needed more time to come down so why are you linking this with thw lifeguard issue? 3 Feeling harrassed would be pretty normal in this situation. In fact I feel on edge and harrassed all the time really.

I'm struggling to put myself in the position of someone who has a hazard repeatedly pointed out to her and continues to put her child in an unsafe position. She kept letting him do something that we are all agreed was dangerous. Especially around water. These slides have a fast jet and he must have been facing the jet. This isn't really wholly about his SEN. Many children, NT as well as SEN, like to block slides and use equipment in dangerous and inconsiderate ways. Of course children with SEN need handling differently and that's why the OP asked for advice. I can't excuse the negligent aspect of it. He was in danger and she didn't act on it when it happened the first time. She needs to raise her game for the sake of her son and making excuses won't help her.