Situation with a child with austim. Could I have done it differently

[Partypolitics99]

Went to a swimming pool this morning with DH and DS had lots of water slides. One of them is a big tube slide and you can't see the bottom from the top but most of kids seemed really good at giving time for the kids who had just gone down to clear the bottom before they went.
DS we in the queue with DH at the top with him. Before DS was a lad of about 8 or so who came half way down the slide and then stuck his legs out so he did not come down any further. When he did not come out as I expected i peered up the slide and saw that he had stopped himself halfway down and was messing about. I immediately shouted at DH to hold DS at the top of the slide.
I shouted to the lad that he needed to come out as kids where waiting
His mum who had been standing back and I did not clock she was with him said to me "don't shout at him he has austim and likes doing that in the slide".
I replied
"I am sorry but I was not trying to tell him off I am more worried if an older lad or girls come down the slide they will crash into him and your son will he hurt, also little ones may be upset if they get trapped behind him"
She shouted "he had SN for gods sae do you know what they means"
(By this time DH had come down with DS and clocked what was happening and another dad was holding the rest of the kids at the top of the slide) DH spoke to a lifeguard who came over and explained to the Mum that her son and others could get hurt if he blocks the slide.

The Mum shouts him down and he slides down straight away" I get a horrid look but think that is that"
Ten minutes later I am walking past the slide with DS and who is emerging from the slide with a bloody nose- her son
The Mum was going mad with the lifeguard and the parent of the boy who had come down the slide and crashed into him.
Mum then storms into dressing room past me with her son and shouts at me "are you happy now? Piss off"
Did I honestly do anything wrong.

DS1 is autistic. TBH had he done what you describe (blocking the slide) twice, we probably wouldn't have gone to that pool again. If it happened once, I would have explained to DS why it was dangerous & that he must never do it again. If he went on to do it again anyway, I would know that he'd carry on doing it.

I'm all for relaxing rules where possible to make things more comfortable for people with ASD or other SN but only when it is safe to do so! Just because "he is autistic & he likes to do that" it doesn't mean everybody should be allowing him too! Not when to do so puts himself & others in danger.

Saltyseabird, your story had nothing to do with the topic being discussed either.

To have had a bleeding nose he must have been facing the slide entrance and have been hit full in the face. The poor lad, what a position to have been in.

I can't help but think the security guard on being told by the mother that the boy is autistic, was unreasonable to not ensure the boy's safety.
It is unreasonable to not make adjustments for a child with special needs. It was unreasonable for the OP to shout out at the boy, she should have looked for the parent.
And the desire of everyone else to have fun at this establishment does not over-ride the right of this autistic boy to also have fun. The safety aspect is not his responsibility, and not his mother's responsibility.
I hope that clarifies things for you.
I am not a perfect parent of my NT children, and I am not a perfect parent of my autistic children.
Anyone can have an off day.

Really now BitOfAProblem?

The safety aspect is very much his mothers responsibility, for her own child's sake at the very least.

YANBU

The other woman sounds like a bad parent, who chooses to use her child's SN as an excuse for not disciplining him. Guaranteed that even if he was NT she'd have reacted the same way, and expected that he be allowed to block the slide, simply because he felt like it.

The fact he ended up with a blooded nose later on is entirely her fault.

Right the parent is responsible for her child. The boy was being unsafe, the mother continued to let him do whatever in the slide, and as a result he was hurt. Safety does override everything else, the boy stopping in the slide is unsafe!

The security guard ensures safety by asking kids and parents to use the equipment safely, which the boy was not!

Yes the op is entirely right, good on her DH getting the lifeguard to reiterate the message. He got hurt as he blocked the slide, yet the mother still blamed op. Some parents are so entitled.

my son has autism. its not and never has been an excuse to be silly. i never indulged DS in behaviour that was unlikley to be tolerated in the real world.
he is 25 now. totally independent. he learned that sometimes rules are there for a reason. i fought his corner when ever those rules were silly.
this isnt a silly rule. it was there to prevent harm. the boy in this case found that out the hard way as did his mum.
SN isnt a green card to act like everything is a god given right. its a challenge as a parent to teach them whats tolerated and whats not.

We don't actually know that the boy was blocking the slide when the he got the bloody nose. All we know is that he was crashed into and was injured. For all any of you know, the boy who crashed into him caused the accident by not waiting for him to go down the slide. Hence, the parent of that boy is responsible.
But many of you seem intent on judging the mother on her entire parenting, based on the fact that she was tired and stressed on this one day.

rightnockered are you that mother, as you certainly sound like it!

Yes because he was using the slide unsafely, judging by the mothers reaction, she would let him continue this. Any parent can be twats even those of children with SN, we are not martyers.

Oh that's an intelligent response Aeroflotgirl. Just what I'd expect from someone who doesn't have the intelligence to look at this rationally

Yes I have a dd 10 with moderate Autism and learning difficulties, and I would not let her do unsafe behaviour. She would quite happily handflap and sit down in the road, do I just leave her there, no I move her somewhere else as its unsafe!

Any parent can be twats even those of children with SN, we are not martyers. EH?

Oh do be quiet rightknocked, the more you post, the more ridiculous you sound.

Well, if you do indeed have a daughter who is autistic, then you would understand that often it is not as simple as just moving your autistic child on

I do, right, I would make every effort to encourage her to move, I would even ask somebody to help. Yes I know how tiring and stressful raising a child with SN can be, but I alsokniw that when we go out we have to follow certain rules, when it comes to water, they have tone followed very strictly.

Yes I do let my daughter do certain things, sometimes, I am too tired to care, as it will trigger another meltdown. But in op situation there is no compromise. Safety and rules have to apply, as it not only affects my child, but the safety of others.

Well some autistic children need more than encouragement. My 3 are very different from each other. One of them can't focus for more than a few seconds at a time and gets upset very easily. He wants to go to places, and do things that I know are not safe, or not easy to keep him safe there, especially when I have to also watch the others. I prefer to not take the risk. But I know he feels hurt, I know it isn't fair. That is why I feel for the mother in this case. She tried. She failed but she tried. And I'm pretty certain she is beating herself up about it.

My daughter probably wod not go on a slide like that as she would be too anxious, she has to see me or her carer at the other end. I don't know, the by was unsafe there, now mabey after this, the mother will hopefully avoid slides like that. Op was right. She did the right thing. Mother really shod have been nearer to him.