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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be shocked by teenage girls clothing lately

439 replies

fcek · 19/08/2017 17:43

I have my DNiece age 14 on facebook. When she likes a friend's photo, it sometimes appears on my newsfeed (and DH's newsfeed)

DNiece is a sensible girl but like most kids she has everyone at school on her facebook.

So this photo she liked appeared on our facebook newsfeeds today and my DH is shocked and disgusted.

The friend of DNiece is 14. We've met her a few times. She looks older than she is, part due to her height and her development (she's very womanly already) and part due to her clothing being adult woman rather than a 14 year old.

But in this picture, its just awful what she is wearing. She's doing pretty much a kim kardashian bathroom selfie, with a kim kardashian style swimsuit. The ones that cover only half the boob and pushes up your tits. The kind you would see on a lads mag. It's just awful awful.

I thought to myself how can her parents let her dress like that, maybe they aren't on facebook, but low and behold her mother is and has liked and commented on that photo plus others.

Looking through DNiece's other friends (none of whom seem to have private facebook pages) there are quite a few others with very revealing photos.

There's guys with joints, alcohol, knives etc.

DNiece dresses appropriately when I see her, her pictures are all normal 14 year old pictures, but I am a bit concerned about who she is friends with but I won't say...not really my place.

Is this what teenage years are like now? I'm worried about my DD's next few year now.

I know I may get flamed for commenting on what someone wears though. Name changed so no one in RL recognises us

OP posts:
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SylviaPoe · 19/08/2017 22:23

Most women don't dress up like the Kardashians either.

And go out where? Most 14 year olds just go around to their friends' houses in their ordinary clothes, or to see bands, where girls do not generally wear heels.

I have two kids older than 14. The youngest wore heels for the first time ever to prom. She probably won't wear them again until the next similar event.

Ordinary teenagers go out in converse, or more recently gazelles. They don't go out in heels.

And all surveys show teens are become less sexually active, not more.

Cherrytart6 · 19/08/2017 22:28

I think it's a shame that children of 14 are wearing clothes that sexualise. It would be different if aged 17/19 but 14 seems so young still. Still a child.

TatianaLarina · 19/08/2017 22:33

You're assuming the 14 yr olds you know are representative of all.

I grew up in London, I was clubbing in heels from the age of 15. We wore DMs and cowboy boots for every day and heels out.

I see teenage dds of friends (mine's only 13) and other teens around London of comparable age doing similar.

At 14 one of my close friends was going out with a 21 year old.

gandalf456 · 19/08/2017 22:39

@cherrytart. I agree totally . Many of DDs friends are posing with cleavage shots and I actually think there's nothing progressive or liberated about it. Progress would be not seeing being female = objectification. There's more to being a woman than that and men do not tend to objectify themselves in an equivalent way

annielouise · 19/08/2017 22:41

I think women's rights are going backwards and young women will bear the brunt of this.

Completely agree with what MrsTerryPratchett says and I've said exactly the same thing before on MN.

I think the current trend of looking sexy is putting women backwards and we're doing it to ourselves now.

NataliaOsipova · 19/08/2017 22:43

Men are 100% responsible for their own actions, whether a woman is naked or wearing a full length dress with headscarf.

They are responsible. Absolutely.

But men are also - biologically - programmed to be aroused by women's bodies. And, in general, men are more aroused by the sight of women than women are by the sight of men's bodies. (I say in general; I accept there are exceptions to this rule). Why do women choose to be scantily clad? Because it's hot? Unlikely, given that in very hot countries women generally wear long, flowing, roomy clothes to protect them from the sun. They choose to do so, even if sometimes not fully consciously, to be attractive to men. And that's fine. No problem with anyone choosing to do so. Have done myself on many occasions in my younger days.

The problem arises with younger girls (I think, anyway) when they're not fully aware of the impact of their actions. They wear a particular style of clothing either to fit in with a fashion or to attract a particular young man, not realising that it is likely to encourage men of a wide age range to view them in a sexual way. That's not "slut shaming". It's just saying they're a bit naive.

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 22:46

Natalia, so what if men view them in that way? That's a genuine question.

Peanutbuttercheese · 19/08/2017 22:46

It's not so much about the actual clothing it's about putting a source online that can be commented on. That image can be copied and passed on.

I saw an jnstagram post that a girl in DS year put up when they were all 14. She was posing in knickers and a tiny shoestring crop top asking for comments on her body. This was to most of her school year. All hell kicked off.

anonymoosy · 19/08/2017 22:48

Yes, teenagers have always shocked their parents, but is this a race to the bottom? Miniskirts, nose piercing and crop tops are one thing, but showing side-boob or cleavage on social media is too much for a tween. I agree with OP that 14yrs is far too young for something like this. I'd be disgusted too. That doesn't make me a puritan, it makes me a woman and a mother who doesn't want my DCs or other people's DCs to be fulfilling a porn-driven stereotype at a tender age.

perper · 19/08/2017 22:49

I often wonder, when walking through town, how teenagers manage to get out of the house wearing the clothes that they do.

Now I know- plenty of parents seem to think it's ok for very young girls to dress in a sexy, provocative way.

I'm really quite disappointed in some people's take on the matter here- sexualisation of children is not ok, even if it's the children themselves doing the sexualising.

NataliaOsipova · 19/08/2017 22:54

Natalia, so what if men view them in that way? That's a genuine question.

And I've no problem with "so what" as the answer. At all. As long as the girl or woman in question is happy with that and is aware of that.

Honestly? I think a lot of problems are caused by a lack of honesty about male sexuality. If you want to dress to have every man in the room lusting after you then absolutely all power to your elbow. You go, girl. But that should be a conscious choice you make rather than just the result of your thinking that you're just following a fashion. (Am I making any sense? Not sure I am!)

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 22:54

The girls are wearing clothes perper, they're not sexualising anything. Wearing clothes is a completely bland, ordinary activity. It is the adults around them who look at children wearing clothes and think 'sex' and 'slut.' Clothes don't do anything. They're clothes.

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 22:57

I do understand what you mean Natalia, but my response is why should women have to be aware of what men think? Is it because we should fear them and what they might do to us?

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 23:01

I'd like to point out here the number of posters who have implied or directly said that men are a threat to women and can't control themselves. It strikes me as bizarre that feminists are known as man-haters when feminists are the ones who argue that men are in fact capable, thinking human beings who absolutely can control themselves. I can't think of anything more man-hating than a belief that men are basically sexual monsters who will attack any woman who wears a short skirt.

gandalf456 · 19/08/2017 23:06

I don't think it's because men will attack them. I just think women have greater assets than their body. The fact that they are posing and drawing attention to themselves in this way suggests it is more than just clothes to them too

AngeloftheSouth84 · 19/08/2017 23:07

They don't seem to have any boundaries. My dd last term didn't have her PE kit, and literally had to do the lesson in her pants. She just wasn't phased by it. It happened to me when I was at school, and I felt sick when it happened to me! They just don't seem to worry about it these days

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 23:09

Yes, women have greater assets than their bodies gandalf. Does that mean they must hide their bodies?

RebelRogue · 19/08/2017 23:11

@TheSparrowhawk well expecting men to behave like decent human beings when the poor ,wittle,penis enslaved souls just can't help themselves is the same as hating them...or not.
On another thread someone said women being topless on a beach is not ok since it might cause a public disturbance,because obviously men will look and the women with them will cause a row.Hmm

perper · 19/08/2017 23:11

@TheSparrowhawk I'm curious- why do you think a 14 year old girl chooses a crop top over a t-shirt, for example, or a very revealing swimming costume that pumps up her breasts over a more 'subtle' one? Why do they choose particular poses in front of a mirror for their facebook profile pictures? If they're just clothes (and presumably just poses), and clothes don't do anything?

Do you really think there's nothing sexual in that decision process?

StarHeartDiamond · 19/08/2017 23:12

Sparrow - ivfo suagree, there are clothes which draw the eye to body parts and not all clothes are equal in that respect, which is why we (probably)? wouldn't wear a basque and fishnets to a funeral, etc. Clothes are not just pieces of fabric or maybe they are to some but we don't all think the same.

StarHeartDiamond · 19/08/2017 23:12

*i disagree

RebelRogue · 19/08/2017 23:14

@gandalf456 ofc they do,but these girls are 14. In time,they will learn. Some might be lucky enough to know these things early on,some grow up,they live,they learn.

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 23:14

I don't know, maybe there is. So what?

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 23:15

Yes clothes draw the eye to certain body parts. So what?

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 23:16

Sorry my 'maybe there is' post was in response to perper.