to be shocked by teenage girls clothing lately

[fcek]

I have my DNiece age 14 on facebook. When she likes a friend's photo, it sometimes appears on my newsfeed (and DH's newsfeed)

DNiece is a sensible girl but like most kids she has everyone at school on her facebook.

So this photo she liked appeared on our facebook newsfeeds today and my DH is shocked and disgusted.

The friend of DNiece is 14. We've met her a few times. She looks older than she is, part due to her height and her development (she's very womanly already) and part due to her clothing being adult woman rather than a 14 year old.

But in this picture, its just awful what she is wearing. She's doing pretty much a kim kardashian bathroom selfie, with a kim kardashian style swimsuit. The ones that cover only half the boob and pushes up your tits. The kind you would see on a lads mag. It's just awful awful.

I thought to myself how can her parents let her dress like that, maybe they aren't on facebook, but low and behold her mother is and has liked and commented on that photo plus others.

Looking through DNiece's other friends (none of whom seem to have private facebook pages) there are quite a few others with very revealing photos.

There's guys with joints, alcohol, knives etc.

DNiece dresses appropriately when I see her, her pictures are all normal 14 year old pictures, but I am a bit concerned about who she is friends with but I won't say...not really my place.

Is this what teenage years are like now? I'm worried about my DD's next few year now.

I know I may get flamed for commenting on what someone wears though. Name changed so no one in RL recognises us

@perper indeed you haven't,but you are kinda assuming that if we're saying "women and girls can wear what the want" as a response to those posts, we also don't or won't look into the why's of it.

YANBU OP it is not simply a case of girls should be free to wear what they like. This is about a 14 year old posting pictures of herself online in a skimpy swimming costume. This is about the way young girls (children) feel the need to post pictures of themselves pouting and posing like a porn stars for others to complement how they look hot or sexy. There's a big difference between a duck face picture with boobs and arse and a normal non posed photo in a jeans and a tshirt. It is completely INAPPROPRIATE and as a parent of a DD a similar age I would not be happy with this.

Tbh I'd be just as bothered about a 14 yo having an open account,with hundreds of friends and strangers even if she was only posting non posed,jeans and tshirt pics.

Britainscones, you are missing or twisting my point. No, I haven't said that.

What I realise is that I cannot have this conversation without going back to the incidents in my teens. I deleted my first post because it was too personal and I had given too much information. Am I still blaming myself after these years? For what you say, it seems I do. Should I just go back to dressing like that because I'm not to blame or would I continue to dress like that if I could go back in time? I wouldn't, I would not want that attention, the comments, random guys following me whilst catcalling, feeling unsafe (not that it would happen now, anyway, I'm not in my teens anymore).

I am getting very affected by this thread, specially because all my strategies to go over that period are being taking as nonsense and I'm blaming the victims. I'm truly not but I wouldn't want my DD to upload pictures to Facebook wearing that, at that age and publicly, because yes, I'd be worried about internet grooming and what it might happen. I really can't continue with this thread

@Jedimum1 sorry you're feeling this way,hope you're ok

IfyouseeRitaMoreno

My point is that if judges take the victim's age into account, it's because it's relevant. Where they take it into account irrelevantly, they are being held to account.

Now, as for your cases..

First, jezebel.com/judge-who-called-rape-victim-older-than-her-chronologic-1586252366

This is an American prosecution for sexual intercourse without consent. It is hard to find the facts of the case, but it appears the victim in fact gave consent that was not effective in law because she was too young (14). The accused's perception of her age is therefore irrelevant

The judge was censured and suspended, and the sentence overturned on appeal and replaced with one of 10 years imprisonment.

The victim's age (and the accused's belief) was irrelevant, and ultimately was not taken into account.

Second, www.bbc.com/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-39305042. You can find Lady Scott's sentencing notes here. Once again, the victim's consent was ineffective in law because she was too young (12). The accused's belief as to her age is irrelevant in establishing the offence, and in fact the judge says this.

In most common-law influenced jurisdictions, a sentencing judge has the ability to discharge a person when convicting them would be wholly disproportinate and inappropriate, and what's taken into account is generally up to the judge. She gave a great many reasons for her decision, one of which - quite rightly in my view - was that the victim lied to the accused about her age.

Accordingly, the accused's belief about victim's age was relevant - along with many other factors - and was properly taken into account.

Third, www.google.co.uk/amp/www.bathchronicle.co.uk/news/bath-news/not-guilty-bath-man-toby-309125.amp

I can't find the charge, but I suspect it's section 1 and section 9 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 (England & Wales). Section 1 requires the prosecution to prove there was in fact no consent. Section 9 doesn't require this, but does require the prosecution to prove that the accused does not reasonably believe that the victim is 16 or over, or is under 13. As the victim was 15, the following direction by the judge to the jury was absolutely correct - in fact there would have been a mistrial if it hadn't been given:

Addressing the jury before they retired to decide their verdicts, judge Mr Recorder Barnes said they must decide whether the complainant consented to the sexual activity on the night in question and whether Symonds “reasonably believed” the complainant both consented and was 16 years old at the time.

In other words, if the jury found there was consent: no s 1 rape. If the jury found that the accused reasonably believed that the victim was over 16, no s 9 rape.

Accordingly, the accused's belief about victim's age was relevant, and was properly taken into account.

I will comment that under the current Scottish legislation, a person, legally speaking, commits rape if, on their 16th birthday, they have consensual sexual intercourse with a steady partner who is one day younger.

I'm also still waiting for TheSparrowhawk's cases. I suspect they either don't exist, or, there's nothing improper about them.

Today 00:03 NoLoveofMine
I think I know girls don't dress to attract "men".

Despite the risk of sounding patronising, the above statement illustrates the difference between a teenager and an adult. NoLove and her peers may well honestly believe they do not dress the way adults would deem provocative to attract men. However, to the adults on this thread it is plain as day what that's going to achieve and importantly, what unpleasant or downright dangerous consequences could be. And no, it is not the girls' fault.

We can only see that through life experience which teenager have not yet got. They honestly do not see the dangers or do not see the gravity of certain situations. I didn't when a teenager. It is hardly surprising. It is not naive on the teenager's part, they simply have not experienced life enough. It is sad teenagers take their parents wrong when they raise legitimate concerns, I know I did. I thought they were making it up as they went, but of course they didn't. They could see what I couldn't see.

jedi I too am sorry you feel that way and I'm sorry if anything I said has upset you.

just imo love comes across as having more life experience than many adults, and on this thread has demonstrated she has knowledge and personal experience of the issues being discussed, so I don't think it's ok to just dismiss her opinions. She and her friends are just as much at risk from predatory males whether they wear clothes deemed provocative, their school uniforms, sports wear or swamp themselves in floor length capes. Yes they might attract more comments in bikinis than in full burkas, but they aren't any safer no matter what they wear.

Thank you Lurkedforever1. Your posts have been excellent and I completely agree with them

My cases? What cases?

For a start, not walking alone late at night in problematic areas

and so if you LIVE in these areas you should be under curfew from dusk till dawn?

Not just that ghosty, given that women get raped in every part of the planet, the whole world is a 'problematic area' so women just have to permanently stay indoors. Of course because over 80% of rapes occur in the victim's own home or home of a relative/friend women can't go there either. Maybe we should all lock ourselves in little cells? Then we'll be safe.

nolove you're welcome and thanks, so have yours