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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked by teenage girls clothing lately

439 replies

fcek · 19/08/2017 17:43

I have my DNiece age 14 on facebook. When she likes a friend's photo, it sometimes appears on my newsfeed (and DH's newsfeed)

DNiece is a sensible girl but like most kids she has everyone at school on her facebook.

So this photo she liked appeared on our facebook newsfeeds today and my DH is shocked and disgusted.

The friend of DNiece is 14. We've met her a few times. She looks older than she is, part due to her height and her development (she's very womanly already) and part due to her clothing being adult woman rather than a 14 year old.

But in this picture, its just awful what she is wearing. She's doing pretty much a kim kardashian bathroom selfie, with a kim kardashian style swimsuit. The ones that cover only half the boob and pushes up your tits. The kind you would see on a lads mag. It's just awful awful.

I thought to myself how can her parents let her dress like that, maybe they aren't on facebook, but low and behold her mother is and has liked and commented on that photo plus others.

Looking through DNiece's other friends (none of whom seem to have private facebook pages) there are quite a few others with very revealing photos.

There's guys with joints, alcohol, knives etc.

DNiece dresses appropriately when I see her, her pictures are all normal 14 year old pictures, but I am a bit concerned about who she is friends with but I won't say...not really my place.

Is this what teenage years are like now? I'm worried about my DD's next few year now.

I know I may get flamed for commenting on what someone wears though. Name changed so no one in RL recognises us

OP posts:
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Lovemusic33 · 19/08/2017 19:10

I agree with OP, I hate seeing young girls dressing like this. My dd1 is almost 14 and luckily she isn't girly and doesn't follow what others her age are doing/wearing.

I can remember being 14, I think it was the age where I started dressing to get attention from men, the attention I got wasn't good and I put myself in some fairly dangerous positions.

SylviaPoe · 19/08/2017 19:10

'On their own - not under things. I went to a uni open day wearing a Dorothy Perkins floral satin nightie and DMs.'

Um, yes, as I said in the post!

The ability on MN to misconstrue things is unbelievable.

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 19:11

The clothes are clothes. They're pieces of fabric. Even if somehow they were sexual, what would be the problem with that?

MorrisZapp · 19/08/2017 19:11

If it was my own daughter I'd try to knock the sexy selfies off until she was at least 16. Whether I would have control or not I do not know, my DS is currently six so I don't know how these things work.

Mountainviewloo · 19/08/2017 19:11

Yanbu it's awful and depressing. Those saying it has always been like this are deluded.

It's not empowering. It's not feminist. It's the opposite of both IMO.

foxyloxy78 · 19/08/2017 19:12

Yanbu. Society of today and kids not being kids anymore. Growing up way too fast.

MorrisZapp · 19/08/2017 19:12

They are being worn by children. I don't like seeing children dressed in hyper sexualised outfits.

Ellisandra · 19/08/2017 19:12

My 8yo loves crop tops and wants to wear bras (soft racer back gym/dance style tops).

She's not remotely interested in dating. The reasons she likes them are - wanting to look older (not more sexualised, just older), wanting to be fashionable, and because she loves gymnastics and dance and relates these clothes to that style. She calls her bra set (that racer back, and shorts pants) her "sport insipired undies".

I have talked to her about why not all mums allow it - about how it can make her look older, and feel older - and so she might do something she's not ready for because of that.

We all want to keep our children safe. And yes, I do worry about the best way to handle fashion and revealing clothes.

In my opinion though, the best way to keep her safe isn't to get her to cover her midriff.

It's to give her the confidence to say to anyone who stares at that midriff, or touches that midriff, or judges her for showing that midriff - "no"

And to give her love and attention so she isn't easy pickings for someone preying on her.

I think she's safer if I have had the difficult conversations with her. About older men. About boys her own age. About what society still thinks about women in 'revealing' clothes.

A child who shows their midriff (or at 14, plunging breasts) who confidently can say "no" is safer than the one covered up who is too scared to speak up.

So I know where my energies are going. Even if I'd rather have the daughter who is more coveted AND says no!

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 19:13

'I can remember being 14, I think it was the age where I started dressing to get attention from men, the attention I got wasn't good and I put myself in some fairly dangerous positions.'

Ah, I see. I think this is what most people are getting at but won't actually say - that girls who dress this way provoke men to behave like sexual predators.

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 19:15

Lots of women find men in suits pretty sexy Morris, or even a man in swim shorts. Do you think boys should avoid wearing these hyper sexualised clothes?

ThymeLordIsSpartacus · 19/08/2017 19:18

That's exactly what it is TheSparrowhawk
People hide behind meaningless words like 'inappropriate' rather than say what they actually mean.

MudGolum · 19/08/2017 19:18

#only90skidswillrememberthis

to be shocked by teenage girls clothing lately
SmokedPigletGuts · 19/08/2017 19:20

Sparrow i get what you are trying to say but women's clothing has been sexualised not men's.

That makes women vulnerable.

Porn culture and all.

Ellisandra · 19/08/2017 19:20

With regards to the impact on male assumptions and behaviour...

It's like you're imagining this one 14yo surrounded by 14yo girls in a jeans and long t shirts in a room full of 40yo men. Imagining her standing out. Judging by the secondary school near my house, these are not minority fashions. I'd be really interested to hear the 14yo boy honest responses (any MNers with sons want to comment?)

When I see a 14/16/18/21yo old like this, I don't think "bet she's more up for sex than average". I think "well she's embracing the TOWIE* look".

*I'm sure I'm out of date with that reference!

It's mainstream fashion. I'd be really interested to know what the peers and older men really think.

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 19:21

Nope, clothes don't make women vulnerable. Clothes don't do anything.

SmokedPigletGuts · 19/08/2017 19:21

Clothing needs to be unsexualised.

MorrisZapp · 19/08/2017 19:21

Wtf? So you're absolutely fine with children dressing in porn inspired style because some women find suits sexy? I have no idea what you're getting at, I suspect you're trying to trap me into 'victim blaming'.

Mountainviewloo · 19/08/2017 19:22

SparrowHawk

As a feminist no that's not what I think at all. What I do think is that young girls are still encouraged to dress in a manner which is designed to render them sexually attractive to the opposite sex. And I find this disturbing and depressing because we are still, in 2017, encouraging girls to base their self worth on what they look like and how sexy they are.

Obviously an 8yo won't be consciously aware of this but that's the context IMO.

longingformore · 19/08/2017 19:22

I agree with you op. My 13 year old niece is the same but my sister doesn't care, liking photos of my nieces bum in a bikini (the photo was literally of her bum), and many more. I look who's likes the photos (on instagram) and it's random grown men. Ny niece has a few thousand followers and everything is open for anyone to see. I just worry who's looking at these photos.

heartstornastray · 19/08/2017 19:22

Even if somehow they were sexual, what would be the problem with that?
What, on children? Shock
If this is how some parents think then no wonder kids are going on social media dressing in that way. Isn't it the duty of parents to give some guidelines as to what is acceptable anymore.

SmokedPigletGuts · 19/08/2017 19:22

Clothing does nothing yes but the clothing has been sexualised. Clothig is viewed a certain way by people. Do get what im saying?

Theres nothing wrong with the clothing just how people perceive iy.

reallybadidea · 19/08/2017 19:22

What's the problem with clothes like that? Well, to paraphrase Louisa May Alcott, if girls (of whatever age) feel their value lies in being merely objects of sexual desire, I fear that someday they might find themselves believing that’s all that they really are.

SylviaPoe · 19/08/2017 19:24

'When I see a 14/16/18/21yo old like this, I don't think "bet she's more up for sex than average". I think "well she's embracing the TOWIE* look".'

Yes, it's just a particular fashion for some girls and young women.

TatianaLarina · 19/08/2017 19:24

I don't think clothing provokes men to any behaviour. I think stupid, shitty and sleazy men choose to see hypersexualised clothing as a green light for whatever shit they want to pull. And the younger you are the harder that is to handle.

Too many men see 16 year olds as "legal" and therefore legitimate targets, and some extend that to teens who pass for 16.

Men often judge teens age on how sexualised they look and that's the problem. So if a girl with developed breasts, wearing a mini and makeup they may assume she's 16 and not realise she's 12.

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 19:26

SmokedPiglet are you saying that a girl will be viewed as a slut?

Morris, a piece of clothing is just a piece of clothing. I'm fine with children wearing whatever they're comfortable in. If there are societal issues around porn, restricting what girls wear isn't going to solve that.