to be shocked by teenage girls clothing lately

[fcek]

I have my DNiece age 14 on facebook. When she likes a friend's photo, it sometimes appears on my newsfeed (and DH's newsfeed)

DNiece is a sensible girl but like most kids she has everyone at school on her facebook.

So this photo she liked appeared on our facebook newsfeeds today and my DH is shocked and disgusted.

The friend of DNiece is 14. We've met her a few times. She looks older than she is, part due to her height and her development (she's very womanly already) and part due to her clothing being adult woman rather than a 14 year old.

But in this picture, its just awful what she is wearing. She's doing pretty much a kim kardashian bathroom selfie, with a kim kardashian style swimsuit. The ones that cover only half the boob and pushes up your tits. The kind you would see on a lads mag. It's just awful awful.

I thought to myself how can her parents let her dress like that, maybe they aren't on facebook, but low and behold her mother is and has liked and commented on that photo plus others.

Looking through DNiece's other friends (none of whom seem to have private facebook pages) there are quite a few others with very revealing photos.

There's guys with joints, alcohol, knives etc.

DNiece dresses appropriately when I see her, her pictures are all normal 14 year old pictures, but I am a bit concerned about who she is friends with but I won't say...not really my place.

Is this what teenage years are like now? I'm worried about my DD's next few year now.

I know I may get flamed for commenting on what someone wears though. Name changed so no one in RL recognises us

Pray tell me what these steps I should be taking are? I did in that same post- like it or lump it, dressing in sexualised clothes has the effect of increasing how often you are looked at sexually. That's sort of the point...

Not sure what "sexualised clothes" are since my first instance of sexual harassment from men was in school uniform, but alright, thanks for the tip.

YANBU OP. Girls of that age are children They don't have the emotional maturity to deal with the sort of attention some of will them attract by posting and acting older. The difference of the " shock factor" pre social media is there were not photos all over the place and there was not a way of anonymously being contacted by Steve hairy hands 43 posing as Jordan 14 sending dick pics and asking to meet up.

They are bloody children ffs . Let them stay that way that bit longer.

perpetrators I think she dressed me as she would dress a doll. I don't think she saw the impact it would have on other people, but just how pretty I looked. I think she saw a bit of herself when young in me, and put me in clothes she wished she could wear. I don't know. She didn't want me to have a boyfriend unless it was a long estable relationship and he was a bit older "to protect me"... She's pretty messed up I think.

Please re-read what I said. I have very clearly said that it happens regardless of what we wear and that it will always be a problem. However, as women we are looked at sexually more when we wear sexy revealing clothes than when we wear school uniform.

The harassment from men when wearing uniform is I think actually a slightly separate issue from just being 'looked at sexually', as their intention is more to scare and shock- they don't actually (generally) have sexual 'thoughts' or intentions, they just want to be dicks. It's awful, but that's a discussion for another day.

So you're not actually going to explain your point Tatiana? Just be patronising?

perper sorry autocorrection decided to change your name!

^That is for NoLoveofMine sorry!

Jedimum1 I quite like that name change!

I guess that makes sense that you were a doll- but a very strange way of manifesting it! To be honest though if I tried to make sense of half of what my mum does I'd go mad...

My dd told me that the girls with mh issues at school are the ones who look like this and pose pouting selfies.
She is 13 and feels sorry for them and says they have little self esteem.
Some of her friends behave in provocative ways to gain attention from boys, not to have sex at this age but to be popular and ward off other girls who they think are less attractive because they don't behave like they do.
All this according to my dd
She says she is too busy working and enjoying herself to become involved and has good friendships with the boys by being herself.
She did start wearing make up a bit and the odd dress up to go to the theatre but has a more conservative teen image ito dress.
She realises that being herself is better than pretending to be somebody else.
I don't take credit for this attitude as much comes from her school as she boards. We just agree with their philosophy and don't encourage social media posing. In fairness though they can't afford for it to get out of hand when dc are away from home and their PHSE, PRS, and sex ed classes are thorough.

'You're assuming that only the girls who choose to dress like that are affected by the impact of the imagery and the pressure - which couldn't be further from the truth.

One of my best friends had anorexia and was profoundly impacted by media imagery and pressure to look perfect. She retreated from her own sexuality, she never dressed like that - indeed wore baggy clothes as a reaction.'

Yes, I agree you on that. I think that is a huge problem. It's like two sides of the same coin.

I'm not here to explain the world to you sparrow, it's 1 o'clock in the morning, and I'm going to sleep.

See if you can work it out for yourself. Otherwise you might just need a bit more life experience.

Right so I take you don't actually have a point, seeing as you spent three separate posts avoiding making one. I can't see what your point could possibly be and your references to life experience and being young are nonsense. I assure you I have plenty of life experience, starting when I was raped at age 5.

Thanks for your posts Sparrowhawk - been reassuring to read on this thread (though they are always excellent)!

No worries NoLove, ditto.

Sylvia

My apologies, I was just talking of my dd experience.
I didn't mean for it to sound like only girls who behaved like this had mh problems.
My dd just noticed that these were the girls that had existing problems or went on to have them, as she thought as a result.
It was a problem with several of her friends for a while both at school and home.

Gilly, don't apologise! It was a cross post. I wasn't responding to yours.

perper I realised , I meant my previous post called you "perpetrators" instead of "perper", but as this thread moves so quickly, there's no change of adding a second post quickly to rectify or comment on things!

FWIW, I agree on your view that certain clothing attracts more attention.

I go back to my previous example, if you were in a conflictive area and you were walking around with your latest iPhone on display and your Best headphones on, whilst singing out loudly to the tunes... Would you not consider that you are putting yourself at risk in that environment, even though you are not to blame for the criminal action if someone robs you? It's a fine line. I know it's the perv / rapist / abuser's fault... all I'm saying is that in a society where women are objectified and where 1 in 5 women aged 16-59 has experience some form of sexual violence (statistics from rapecrisid.org.uk) we should also look for strategies to keep us safe. Of course sexual clothing shouldn't lead to sexual abuse. But rape is also one of the crimes with lowest conviction rates, so society in a way is not condemning this behaviour. Until we educate the future generations that women should be respected and that the body is just a body and not a sexual toy... I don't see the issue on telling girls how certain items of clothing might be perceived or to cover up more depending on where they are going, who they are meeting, etc. If this teenager were meeting someone from Tinder after a one-way conversation, would you still say that her outfit was ok, at 14? Yes, if anything happened it would be the guy's fault but still think that it gives the wrong idea and until society changes I wouldn't want to give the wrong impression and find myself in a situation where I have to stop a guy from taking too many liberties. Plus teenagers might not be equipped (with many exceptions) to confront and refuse a sexual invitation if they think it would make them look grown up.

www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/man-admits-rape-of-woman-aged-81-in-balham-a3488436.html

Shouldn't have put herself at risk.

Jedimum1 I completely agree with what you're saying- it can be a really unpopular thing to say though as people get defensive and think it's victim blaming, which it's really not. It's taking precautions against crime like we all do in other aspects of our life.

It's not my primary concern with young girls dressing in sexy clothes (as I've said, I am more concerned that that is the side of themselves they want to communicate to others). However it is a valid point and if we're quite happy to protect children from crime in other ways, why not this too?

There is no outfit suitable for a 14 year old to wear to meet someone off Tinder.

There is no outfit which leads to rape in any way.

NoLoveofMine You've deliberately missed the point of what Jedimum has said and are being obtuse.

Bikes that are locked to bike racks get stolen (like mine recently). Bikes that are left unlocked also get stolen. Should we not bother advising people to lock their bikes up, because in some cases they might get stolen anyway?

Comparing girls and women to possessions says it all. On that note, I need to get to bed.

NoLoveofMine Theft is a crime. Rape is a crime. Both have victims, both have criminals. It is not a difficult concept, but you really seem to be struggling.