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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be shocked by teenage girls clothing lately

439 replies

fcek · 19/08/2017 17:43

I have my DNiece age 14 on facebook. When she likes a friend's photo, it sometimes appears on my newsfeed (and DH's newsfeed)

DNiece is a sensible girl but like most kids she has everyone at school on her facebook.

So this photo she liked appeared on our facebook newsfeeds today and my DH is shocked and disgusted.

The friend of DNiece is 14. We've met her a few times. She looks older than she is, part due to her height and her development (she's very womanly already) and part due to her clothing being adult woman rather than a 14 year old.

But in this picture, its just awful what she is wearing. She's doing pretty much a kim kardashian bathroom selfie, with a kim kardashian style swimsuit. The ones that cover only half the boob and pushes up your tits. The kind you would see on a lads mag. It's just awful awful.

I thought to myself how can her parents let her dress like that, maybe they aren't on facebook, but low and behold her mother is and has liked and commented on that photo plus others.

Looking through DNiece's other friends (none of whom seem to have private facebook pages) there are quite a few others with very revealing photos.

There's guys with joints, alcohol, knives etc.

DNiece dresses appropriately when I see her, her pictures are all normal 14 year old pictures, but I am a bit concerned about who she is friends with but I won't say...not really my place.

Is this what teenage years are like now? I'm worried about my DD's next few year now.

I know I may get flamed for commenting on what someone wears though. Name changed so no one in RL recognises us

OP posts:
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5
SylviaPoe · 19/08/2017 23:53

Little crop tops are very much in fashion this Summer.

TatianaLarina · 19/08/2017 23:54

No Syliva we're not. Saying I didn't claim something to be a majority doesn't make it a minority.

Without interviewing a sample of say 50,000 14 year old girls, which you clearly have not, it's not possible to speculate.

perper · 19/08/2017 23:54

NoLoveofMine Lovely well-thought out argument there!

What you may be forgetting is that every adult only got to be an adult by going through the teenage stage. Adults sometimes then learn a little more and develop different thought processes and perspectives.

AngeloftheSouth84 · 19/08/2017 23:56

Men used to whistle at us walking in games kit to the lacrosse pitch

Our hockey pitch was a walk away too. The teachers thought nothing of it - including the time I had to walk there in just my bra and knickers because I didn't have my games kit. And it happened to others too

SylviaPoe · 19/08/2017 23:56

Okay, so we don't know how many girls this has had an impact on, or if it has any link at all to the majority of mental health cases.

So we shouldn't make any generalisations about 14 year old girls.

TatianaLarina · 19/08/2017 23:58

LoveOfMine you think we haven't been teenage girls ourselves and haven't got teenagers of our own?

I know, I know you think you invented teenagedom.

SylviaPoe · 19/08/2017 23:58

You're being very patronising Perper.

RebelRogue · 19/08/2017 23:59

However, there's particular sexual attention that I experienced from the age of 14 onwards - men responding to you sexually thinking that you're an adult.

Might be the cynic in me,or previous experience bias but men tend to see something they want and not give a shit how old they are.

perper · 20/08/2017 00:00

SylviaPoe I realise that comment may sound patronising in isolation- my comment is addressing NoLoveofMine's apparent belief that as adults we have no idea why teenagers dress the way they do. In context, it is not (meant to be) patronising.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 20/08/2017 00:02

However, there's particular sexual attention that I experienced from the age of 14 onwards - men responding to you sexually thinking that you're an adult.

The "barely legal" phenomenon would seem to suggest that the men in question don't give a fig whether the girl is an adult or not. Their only concern is that they themselves don't get into trouble.

SylviaPoe · 20/08/2017 00:03

I've seen plenty of men doing the whole faux adult thing to girls.

They do it because they have a fantasy that ideal women are less wordly and knowing than men. In other words that women are young girls.

But objectively they do know that these girls are not really women.

NoLoveofMine · 20/08/2017 00:03

I know, I know you think you invented teenagedom.

I think I know girls don't dress to attract "men".

TatianaLarina · 20/08/2017 00:04

Right, so because men lie about thinking girls are older than they are and other men believe them, we should control girls' behaviour and prevent them from wearing make up etc? Is that really the conclusion you draw from that situation?

I think some lie, some don't care, some genuinely think girls are older. I said nothing about controlling girls behaviour or wearing makeup.

I'm just explaining how adult men assess teenage girls age. And btw, in one particular trial a couple of police testified to having seen the girl and believed she was 16+. Whether they were male or female I don't know and I think a woman would be less likely to be fooled.

You keep taking up positions on the basis of strawmen, you've done it through the whole thread. Focus on what has been said, not what you think or would like to have been said.

TheSparrowhawk · 20/08/2017 00:04

Girls wear clothes. Men harass, assault and rape them. Who should be changing their behaviour in this situation? Because last time I looked wearing clothes wasn't a crime.

gillybeanz · 20/08/2017 00:05

If you don't agree with it OP, just like many of us don't, you raise your child not to behave like this.
I don't agree that it's normal for teenagers to wear revealing clothes to shock, some do and some don't.
Some shock in other ways like trying smoking, drugs, alcohol and sex, and others don't.

perper · 20/08/2017 00:05

I think I know girls don't dress to attract "men"

I think that in a lot of cases (not all, by any means!) you are very, very wrong.

SylviaPoe · 20/08/2017 00:05

'SylviaPoe I realise that comment may sound patronising in isolation- my comment is addressing NoLoveofMine's apparent belief that as adults we have no idea why teenagers dress the way they do. In context, it is not (meant to be) patronising.'

I'm mid forties and I don't agree with you. Most women and girls do wear things like crop tops to express themselves to their friends. They're not dressing up to communicate something to men.

And I've seen No Love across many threads. Even when I don't agree with her, she's always insightful and thoughtful.

TatianaLarina · 20/08/2017 00:06

I think I know girls don't dress to attract "men".

Aw bless. Some do, some don't.

I would differentiate beteeen dressing to be attractive and dressing specifically to attract - not quite the same thing.

TheSparrowhawk · 20/08/2017 00:07

What's to stop those men from asking the girl what age she is? Or perhaps from refraining from having sex with a girl until he knows her better and is sure of her age?

A girl may look 16 but if you believe a grown man can talk to an 11 year old and not see that she's a child then you're incredibly gullible.

SylviaPoe · 20/08/2017 00:08

Can we remember that we're talking about 14 year old girls and adult men here please.

TatianaLarina · 20/08/2017 00:08

Who is saying men shouldn't change their behaviour?

NoLoveofMine · 20/08/2017 00:09

Thanks Sylvia.

NoLoveofMine · 20/08/2017 00:09

I think that in a lot of cases (not all, by any means!) you are very, very wrong.

Seeing as I am 1) A girl and 2) have plenty of friends who are girls I think I'm not.

perper · 20/08/2017 00:09

Girls wear clothes. Men harass, assault and rape them. Who should be changing their behaviour in this situation? Because last time I looked wearing clothes wasn't a crime.

That is not, in my opinion, the point. Obviously they should not be harassed based upon their clothing choice. But their clothing choice is made because they want to present an image of themselves as being sexually attractive. I find it incredibly disheartening that teenage girls think it is so important to appear sexually attractive to the world.

As a teacher in a boarding school I used to have to deal with various facebook incidents, so I have seen a lot of facebook profiles for young girls. The number of posts I have seen with them quite literally begging for likes on a provocative photo at the age of 13 really sickens me- as do the responses from their peers saying how sexy and hot they look and how they'd like to fuck them.

TheSparrowhawk · 20/08/2017 00:10

What this whole thread is about is girls changing their behaviour, ie not wearing certain clothes/makeup, while explanations are given for why men might be mistaken about a child's age. That sounds very much to me like children cause men to be confused and so should stop wearing certain clothes and makeup.