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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be shocked by teenage girls clothing lately

439 replies

fcek · 19/08/2017 17:43

I have my DNiece age 14 on facebook. When she likes a friend's photo, it sometimes appears on my newsfeed (and DH's newsfeed)

DNiece is a sensible girl but like most kids she has everyone at school on her facebook.

So this photo she liked appeared on our facebook newsfeeds today and my DH is shocked and disgusted.

The friend of DNiece is 14. We've met her a few times. She looks older than she is, part due to her height and her development (she's very womanly already) and part due to her clothing being adult woman rather than a 14 year old.

But in this picture, its just awful what she is wearing. She's doing pretty much a kim kardashian bathroom selfie, with a kim kardashian style swimsuit. The ones that cover only half the boob and pushes up your tits. The kind you would see on a lads mag. It's just awful awful.

I thought to myself how can her parents let her dress like that, maybe they aren't on facebook, but low and behold her mother is and has liked and commented on that photo plus others.

Looking through DNiece's other friends (none of whom seem to have private facebook pages) there are quite a few others with very revealing photos.

There's guys with joints, alcohol, knives etc.

DNiece dresses appropriately when I see her, her pictures are all normal 14 year old pictures, but I am a bit concerned about who she is friends with but I won't say...not really my place.

Is this what teenage years are like now? I'm worried about my DD's next few year now.

I know I may get flamed for commenting on what someone wears though. Name changed so no one in RL recognises us

OP posts:
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IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 19/08/2017 23:36

14 year olds who have gone through puberty are sexual perper. Pretending they're not doesn't do anyone any good

14 year olds who have gone through puberty are the same individuals that they were before puberty.

StarHeartDiamond · 19/08/2017 23:36

Further to my last post I clarify that it's not necessarily about showing or voicing disrespect directly, but I think it would raise eyebrows at a woman wearing basque & fishnets on the school run, and not just by men for misogynistic reasons.

If I saw a woman wearing such on school run I would not voice it, approach it or disrespect her at all but I would think "what the hell?!" or "why??" and I defy anyone to say they would just not notice at all or think absolutely the same if it as jeans & jumper if they did notice if the Mum in front dropping off her kids was wearing that stuff at the school gates.

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 23:38

'equally, men hit on and harass, make sexual advances to girls they think are older than they are. They judge their age on breast development, the way they dress, and makeup etc.

I know of 3 court cases of 11 yr olds who were raped where it was argued that it was reasonable to think the girl was older as she was dressed like a 16 year old, makeup etc. Ie not clothes you'd expect on a child. Alarmingly the judge agreed'

Right, so because men lie about thinking girls are older than they are and other men believe them, we should control girls' behaviour and prevent them from wearing make up etc? Is that really the conclusion you draw from that situation?

NoLoveofMine · 19/08/2017 23:39

I think many girls dress in a sexually provocative way because they want to attract a man for the purposes of a relationship.

What absolute tripe. We don't dress in "sexually provocative ways". We wear clothes we like, which suit us, for ourselves. Girls wear clothes for ourselves and one another, not boys. Please stop judging us through your pseudo-intellectual misogynist lens.

NoLoveofMine · 19/08/2017 23:40

Oh and men harass girls in school uniform. My first instance was when I was 14 walking to my school from Hammersmith station on a Tuesday morning in uniform. A man in a suit said "you will tempt many boys today my girl" after cornering me on a quiet road.

TatianaLarina · 19/08/2017 23:41

Sylvia - you apparently missed my post where I pointed out that the Kardasian reference was not wrt to teenage girls.

Never claimed the teens I know to be the majority. And you're not the only person who sees teens on social media.

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 23:42

Of course it would be unusual Star. My point is that while you might raise and eyebrow you wouldn't decide to harass her or assume she was looking for sex.

RebelRogue · 19/08/2017 23:43

Alarmingly the judge agreed.

And? A man was acquitted for rape using the "I slipped and fell" excuse. The attitude of some judges and the public when it comes to rape trials is what can definitely be called disgusting and shocking,not what 14 yos chose to wear.

NoLoveofMine · 19/08/2017 23:43

But equally, men hit on and harass, make sexual advances to girls they think are older than they are. They judge their age on breast development, the way they dress, and makeup etc.

You really have no idea.

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 23:44

Hear hear Rebel. It's bizarre that in a situation where men are raping 11 year olds people would talk about what the child should do differently.

MissAlabamaWhitman · 19/08/2017 23:44

A friend of mine posts photos of her twelve year old DD in very provocative poses/clothing all over Facebook.

Her DD is a beautiful girl but she is styled by her mum to emulate a beautiful, sexually provocative woman.

I think it's very sad, my friend was never beautiful and she's trying to live vicariously through her daughter's attractiveness.

It's all a bit distasteful, as if she's encouraging her DD to derive self worth from her attractiveness to men.

I too have a very beautiful daughter.
I don't need to put her on display to validate either her or myself, I find it all a bit disturbing if I'm honest.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 19/08/2017 23:45

But it is culture that assigns sexual meaning to the clothes that girls wear.

These tribeswomen are wearing much less than your average schoolgirl with the rolled up skirt but we do not see them as giving out a sexualised message.

And poor girls are caught in the unenviable position of wanting to look attractive in the eyes of men (entirely natural) whilst being blamed when they do so.

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 23:46

Star, to clarify, yes the basque and fishnets would be unusual but they are still just clothes and they can't cause you or anybody else to behave differently towards that woman - if you did harass her that would be because if you, not because if the clothes.

NoLoveofMine · 19/08/2017 23:47

I think that there are so many misogynist comments about teenage girls on a forum primarily populated by women says it all about society. And people wonder why teenage girls often have confidence issues. Quite disheartening to know this is how women (mothers even) see us.

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 23:47

MissAlabama, that's a different situation where the parent is manipulating and using the child.

SylviaPoe · 19/08/2017 23:47

Tatiana, then we're in agreement. The women and girls dressing in the way that is being discussed are in a minority.

A far smaller minority than the number of women and girls suffering mental health issues, or the number being sexually assaulted, or sexually harassed.

TheSparrowhawk · 19/08/2017 23:49

I agree NoLove. If it's any consolation, I think once you become a parent you see the world very very differently. It can cloud your judgement with things like this.

SylviaPoe · 19/08/2017 23:49

'Quite disheartening to know this is how women (mothers even) see us.'

Yes, it is awful.

TatianaLarina · 19/08/2017 23:50

Have you bothered to read the thread NoLoveofMine this has already been covered.

Men harass girls anywhere and everywhere wearing anything. I was first flashed at at the age of 11 in school uniform. Men used to whistle at us walking in games kit to the lacrosse pitch (didn't have a uniform at secondary level).

However, there's particular sexual attention that I experienced from the age of 14 onwards - men responding to you sexually thinking that you're an adult.

MissAlabamaWhitman · 19/08/2017 23:50

Oh I don't know sparrow I'm pretty sure her DD is a very willing participant.

I just don't think that as parents we should be explicitly or complicity encouraging a child to be displaying sexually precocious/provocative images of themselves.

MaQueen · 19/08/2017 23:51

DD1 favours jeans and hoodies, but DD2 favours quite clingy dresses and mini skirts for party wear (teamed with Stan Smith's Confused ).

Whenever I pick her up from parties all her friends dress the same...little crop tops abound, too.

I always thought it would bother me, but actually it really doesn't. She's top of her form in maths and science at her selective school and that's far more important than the clothes she wears.

perper · 19/08/2017 23:51

NoLoveofMine We don't dress in "sexually provocative ways". We wear clothes we like, which suit us, for ourselves. Girls wear clothes for ourselves and one another, not boys. Please stop judging us through your pseudo-intellectual misogynist lens.

Maybe just think a little deeper here. Clothes are a form of expressing ourselves, a form of communication. We choose our clothes based on the way we want to express ourselves and communicate something about ourselves. You're being incredibly naive.

NoLoveofMine · 19/08/2017 23:52

However, there's particular sexual attention that I experienced from the age of 14 onwards - men responding to you sexually thinking that you're an adult.

Oh right, good to know the men who harass me just think I'm an adult. That's fine then.

NoLoveofMine · 19/08/2017 23:52

You're being incredibly naive.

No, I'm really not.