. . . to be irritated by wedding guests food requests?

[GettingImpatientWithThisStuff]

Ugh.

Maybe I'm reaching my limit for wedding planning nonsense but I'm putting a spreadsheet together for our wedding venue with our guests menu choices on it, and I'm finding myself becoming really irritated by some of the requests.

We offered a choice of two starters, mains and desserts, and a veggie option. Very few people have just said "X starter, Y main, Z dessert" - most of them are "veggie starter, Y main, I don't really like desserts so can I have some fruit please" . . . Similarly, people are telling me they don't like onion, or garlic, or whatever.

Of course this isn't aimed at people with allergies or intolerances - naturally we want our guests to enjoy their food and not become ill! But surely we can't cater for every like and dislike? I've never specified dislikes when responding to wedding invitations, as I thought it was dietary requirements rather than pickiness.

AIBU to disregard the "I don't likes . . . "?

Yanbu.

Don't give guests a choice. I don't remember ever being given a choice when attending weddings, simply a request to let them know about any dietary requirements. I said I'm veggie and left it at that.

I was once served fish as a wedding, having specified I was vegetarian. I simply said no thanks, but would expect caterers to know that vegetarians don't eat fish.

You see, this Is why we didn't tell a single soul we were getting married until one week before.

No fuss, no choices no annoying fussy feckers ruling and ruining OUR day/ evening.

Twas fabulously stress free.

In answer you your aibu, due to my total intolerance of people in general, even the nice ones, I advise that you completely ignore them.

Send a generic text out saying 'thankyou for getting back to me with your starter/main/pudding options. We have catered for the vegatarians and people with food allergies'

I don't really like desserts so can I have some fruit please

Cheeky cunts. I'd ignore all requests apart from simple choices between e.g. meat or veggie main and actual requirements like allergies.

Years ago I went to wedding where there was either chicken or veggie option. They were one short on veggie meals so I agreed to just have the olive oil cooked pots and the veg. An elderly lady on my table told me I was being very rude and fussy not to eat the meat. I ignored her , but pissed myself laughing when her plate of leg and thigh came out and she loudly declared " I can't eat this I only like white meat!"
Tell them to bring a sarnie if they are not happy!

I understand the frustration. However, that stems from the fact that it has now become a much more complicated exercise than you expected (plus there are 100s of other things to do). That said, part of your enjoyment will be that the guests enjoyed themselves too. So, I would be inclined to move to pan B. Some of your guests may not have been as complicated and may actually be put out if you simply compile all the responses. So, I would be inclined to use the responses you have had to compile a new, comprehensive tick-box list and then ask everybody to fill it out again. Also, perhaps think about out-sourcing that task to a friendly (spreadsheet competent) teenager in return for a few quid or other rewards?

This is one of the reasons we had a hot buffet! Plenty of choice for everyone :)

I had a best man who said he wasn't coming to the reception unless he could have a Tesco lasagne! You can't possibly accommodate every persons' wishes and people should realise this and not be so fussy. We had 30 people who were sitting down for an afternoon Wedding meal and a reception in the evening with a buffet. There would be no way I could have had 30 people all making their own little demands for food. It would have been a logistical nightmare sorting it all out. I think you have been more than fair giving them a choice of 2 starters, 2 main and 2 desserts with a veggie option. If they are creating problems then "stuff 'em" - they are just plain fussy or awkward. They can just pretend to eat just for the sake of the occasion. Oh and by the way . . . we stuck to our menu and the best man decided to sulk and not come because we said no to a Tesco lasagne. We chose a different best man and he was great and really helpful. So, I would tell "guests" that the menu is only as stated and can't be changed. If they don't like it they need not attend - better off without them I say!

The thing is, getting a hot meal out to huge numbers simultaneously is really hard. People don't appreciate that banqueting style catering is completely different to a restaurant, where orders are staggered through the night so the team can fiddle around with numerous combinations. There simply isn't the time for the staff to create infinite variations to please every palate, which is why a set menu is given to large groups.

It's a free meal to celebrate your marriage, not a night out at a restaurant at their expense. I can't fathom how grown adults can be so bratty, tbh.

Do any of your friends consider themselves Brahmin?

Onion and Garlic considered tamasik - ie likely to fuel qualities like anger, resentment or arrogance, so are avoided.

So it may not be completely picky, could be a belief thing

Don't like garlic?
Don't like dessert?

Who are these people? Disinvite immediately.

Oh, and by asking for choices well in advance, food waste is reduced, which in turn helps them keep costs down. Otherwise they'd have to massively over-cater, as they could never predict how many of which course people might want. Seems reasonable to me, though wasn't a thing when I got married.

Sounds to me as though guests think it's being done that early to suit their palates, instead of the venue's buying in the produce.

Doesn't help you now OP, but we just asked if people required a vegetarian meal or children's meals. We gave no indication what the food was. And the children's meals were just smaller versions of the adult meal, which some people didn't understand!

I like the bowl of apples / bananas idea. When it gets to pudding you can announce that the alternative for those who don't like dessert is over there (wave arm in the direction of the bowl) and they can help themselves.

A whole table of people who won't eat lamb? Get a life.

When I go to weddings that serve food I'm not keen on, I STFU and call at the chippy on the way home.

People are so insanely precious these days. If I get a choice of two options I'm happy. I've munched through more wedding meals that I would never personally choose to eat than I can remember.

I think part of the problem is that people don't always understand how hard it is to organise a big event like a wedding. A request like "Could I have fruit or something" would be fine if they were coming round for dinner (probably) but isn't when you have 100+ people to cater for.

When I got married (ages ago) I had quite a few people say things like "I'll come to the ceremony but I don't think I can afford to stay the night so I may or may not come to the reception afterwards" / "I'd like to bring a guest (no plus one had been included, as I hadn't thought she was seeing anyone) but I'm not sure as we've only been out three times and he's now being a bit crap."

This sort of thing is impossible. And now I don't see either of those people.

Sorry to derail.

Sad to hear from so many selfish bridezillas.
Part of being a good host is ensuring that everybody has a most excellent day and just has positive memories.

My wedding was a buffet - each of the dishes was labelled so we were able to cater for every possibly dietary combination (without having to ask)
Little or no food waste - as people took what they wanted
and no stress

why do more people not think about how EVERYBODY will feel rather than just themselves

You didn't make a mistake - your guests are just particularly stupid 🤣

It's a reception, not a restaurant - clearly they don't understand the difference.

You pick the option you think you'll like the most & eat what you can/like. You can eat before or after or take a snack fgs.

[However, CATERERS that serve FISH to VEGETARIANS need reporting. If they can't even get that right they're a danger to people with allergies & should not be trusted.]

It's OK only if you have a caterer who can accommodate the requests (without charging more!). We had a brilliant guy who didn't bat an eyelid at our guests' special requests as he was making it all from scratch. We were able to cater for vegetarian, vegan, gluten free, religious diet and various allergies and intolerance. It was nice knowing that all our guests could enjoy the food without worrying about it.

A buffet is a bit difficult if you are trying to cater for people with serious food allergies though (rather than preferences). As the line goes down, the chances of the separate dishes being cross contaminated increase quite a lot. I know people who are allergic to stuff like peas and fowl - normal stuff that could easily be included.

A nice buffet is terrific if you are one of the first in line. If you are one of the last, quite a lot may be gone and that does feel quite sad.

We had this. One person had genuine problems with some foods, which was different. But when I read 'I'm not eating salt at the moment'...I 'forgot' to pass that information on.

People with IBS generally need to avoid garlic and onion rather than it being a preference. I'm going to a wedding, I'm coeliac and need to avoid most of the menu choices however I'd never ask for an alternative. I'll pick at what I can and have a snack in my bag

You shouldn't have given them choice OP. People are awkward fuckers

When I got married, we didn't give anyone a choice for starters/mains (we had no veggies/vegans) but then sent out both cheesecake and fudge cake for dessert for people to swap over as they pleased. We had no complaints

What Diana said- "Apologies if I was unclear, the food options are limited to the choices available on the menu."