. . . to be irritated by wedding guests food requests?

[GettingImpatientWithThisStuff]

Ugh.

Maybe I'm reaching my limit for wedding planning nonsense but I'm putting a spreadsheet together for our wedding venue with our guests menu choices on it, and I'm finding myself becoming really irritated by some of the requests.

We offered a choice of two starters, mains and desserts, and a veggie option. Very few people have just said "X starter, Y main, Z dessert" - most of them are "veggie starter, Y main, I don't really like desserts so can I have some fruit please" . . . Similarly, people are telling me they don't like onion, or garlic, or whatever.

Of course this isn't aimed at people with allergies or intolerances - naturally we want our guests to enjoy their food and not become ill! But surely we can't cater for every like and dislike? I've never specified dislikes when responding to wedding invitations, as I thought it was dietary requirements rather than pickiness.

AIBU to disregard the "I don't likes . . . "?

@Seeingadistance - seriously??? That's a thing now??? Well, I'm delighted that it wasn't a thing when I was getting married. We decided - beef and fish and a vegetarian option and only needed guests to reply if there was a dietary requirement (as I outlined above). Two replied that they were diabetic and luckily we didn't have any other food allergies to be made aware of.

Good luck OP. I don't envy you!

When I got married (26 years ago) there was very rarely a choice offered, you turned up to a wedding and ate what you were given and if you didn't like part of it you just left it. If anyone had allergies or religious requirements then it was up to them to alert the bride/groom in plenty of time for an alternative to be provided and it wasn't unheard of for the guest to just bring something with them. Even more recent weddings that I've been to are generally just a choice of beef or salmon (yes, I am in Ireland).

At my own wedding I managed to have a starter that I didn't like, I just didn't eat it. We had beef en croute and one of our guests was Hindu, but fortunately the venue also had a restaurant in the same building so she just ordered something she wanted from the restaurant menu when we all arrived.

@sparechange A leaflet? A leaflet?! Bugger me. That takes the biscuit.

Choose for them or just give them a plate of salad - one lettuce leaf, one tomato, one slice of cucumber, explaining that the venue couldn't provide such a complicated meal for them.

Have a regular meat choice, and then make the second choice one that could suit most people with intolerances - something vegan, gluten free and nut free. I'm a vegan myself, and get annoyed when the only option offered for non meat eaters is something with egg or cheese - why not just make a general "special diets meal" which doesn't have milk, eggs, gluten or nuts? Even something like a risotto or pasta with tomato based sauce and veggies. Then everyone would be happy and there would be no faff.

Buy a bag of apples.

Want fruit for dessert? Have an apple.
Don't like either main? Have two apples.

Fruit is a dessert - so if they don;t like the desserts you've offered they should go without, not select something not on your list.
I'd just resend them the menu with 'the OPTIONS are XYZ, please select one of them'
As someone said- it's bloody wedding not a restaurant, eat what you are given and shut up. (Allergies and genuine dietary requirements excepted)

Out of 80 sit down guests that we had, 1 replied that her husband had a shell food allergy ( we didn't have any sea food on the menu) and DH uncle's wife sent a message that her husband didn't eat chicken (main course) as when he was younger his family kept chickens
We offered him a pork main course, nope, he wanted a 'big steak' was the response.
I've always been to weddings where you get given food, if you like it you eat it, if you don't, you don't.

I have never been to a wedding with a Table D'hote menu.
To much choice.
Your guests are very rude.

I have never been to a wedding with a Table D'hote menu

We did, but my brother was the restaurant manager.... :o

We had 6 starters and 6 deserts (1 of which was a cheese board) and 10 mains. Only 44 for the meal though as that's all they could hold.

I have coeliac disease, so always feel a bit awkward when it comes to 'events' because I don't like to make a fuss. At my own wedding there was a gf version for me, and 2 options for others. I ignored the "oh would you mind if 'dave' swapped the x for y" requests. That's the menu, pick from it. Simple.

I got married 21 years ago and had a buffet,my sister did it and there was loads of food,easier all round I think.
Then 3 options for dessert cheesecake,ice cream or fruit salad.

As a side note: are we going to coin the new term gauchey fucker?

I didn't give choices. I was prepared to cater for allergies even one I knew was made up, children's menu, vegetarians and halal. But within that, you got what you were given. I felt this was more than generous.

Choices were a mistake as on the day half the people will have forgotten their choice or see something they thought looked nicer than their choice and start stealing other people's food. You will need someone to be the menu police on each table bitter experience of work nights out

Our wedding venue wanted to know menu choices in advance, so we chose what we wanted and everyone had that.

The sole exception was our lone vegetarian guest. We spoke to her personally and offered her the choice of what the venue offered. As she was the only be having it, we thought she might as well pick.

harshbuttrue have you not seen the vegan threads on here where everyone moans about being automatically served a risotto/tart/something involving mushrooms/butternut squash/goats cheese? That would never work...

We did an alternate drop at my wedding - every first person got meat and second person fish on both starter and mains. We left it to the guests to negotiate with their spouses as to who ate what.

You should put a 3rd choice on the menu:- Option for fussy fuckers - 2 slices of bread.

Are people really so self centred thatn theyfail to realise that if a hotel is going to get 100 meals out in 10 minutes they need to be all the same?
Not 3 with no sauce, 2 with the standard sauce with no onions, 4 with a different sauce, 3 with different sauce with no tomato.....

Sorry, the vegetarian threads, not vegan threads! Goats cheese is clearly not vegan...

I'm going to stick up for the friends

And yes, I've been married and no, I've never made a request

It's just that restaurant menus these days are full of dietary options. Even a fairly run of the mill high street pizza chain will offer veggie, vegan, GF, low carb...

I think that many people just won't see it as a big deal - and they won't think it's causing you any work or cost, just a spreadsheet to update and pass to the caterers. We're a Starbucks generation of every drink being individual named! So whilst I wouldn't do it myself, I don't see the requests as being as rude as other people here do

We were married over 20 years ago
No choice at our wedding, not even a vegetarian option (although this is because no-one requested this). Menu was carefully chosen by DH & I, along with both sets of parents. Venue was a country hotel renowned for lamb and that is what we chose as I didn't want the standard chicken and sauce option. No-one asked about the menu in advance (to me) although DM and MIL may well have spread the news with the guests. Only person who was vocal about the menu was a distant relative that was only invited out of duty, she ate like a sparrow anyway. She wasn't much better when DS got married a couple of years later and that was a cold buffet so loads of choice. By the time DB got married she decided that she couldn't leave her dog to come to a wedding.

Spangles I had to laugh at your suggestion of bread for the fussy fuckers.
Surely the number 1 made up bullshit "I can't eat" (looking at you, big brother!) is gluten?

Fucking anying for coeliacs and genuine intolerants.

Any wedding I've been to (not UK, but near enough), did not require a choice to be made before the day. Apart from veggies and allergies. Fine.

On the day at the reception, the menu is handed around, you choose your starter, main and dessert, and off the wait staff go to fill your order.

The choices are usually two starters, soup or something veggie, then main of Beef or salmon, (and the veggie option for those people), and dessert.

Always works fine. They must be great caterers. But I reckon they know from previous the % who will generally choose beef or salmon. They already know about the veggie/vegan/allergy cohort so it's all good.

Same happened in a US wedding. Choose your grub on the day at the reception from the menu. That is so exciting!

Anyway, OP just ignore all the drama llama requests. They can ask for a strawberry on the day if they want to. You just go and enjoy yourself with your new husband and forget about it. People like this will never be satisfied unless they are being noticed. Attention seeking with no thought whatsoever regarding the total planning required for a wedding.

Congratulations on the wedding, and enjoy.

That's a bloody PITA. Obviously real allergies/intolerances etc are different but the answer should just be no to stupid requests like fruit instead of dessert. If you don't want it, just don't eat it!

FIL is a horrendously picky eater (won't eat anything 'foreign,' won't have mince if it's got onion in it) but bless him he happily chose something off the children's menu at our wedding and all was well!

You're giving them too much choice, op. When my DH and I had our wedding reaffirmation/wedding anniversary meal, the hotel gave us a choice of a dozen different main courses. I told them I wanted a simple meal, with little fuss, so no salmon (some don't like fish), no steaks as you get the well done, medium, rare, etc. I picked the really 'classy' meal of turkey and ham, with spuds and veg. Irish, so spuds are always appreciated. 😁 Some were vegan and some were vegetarian, including me, so to the hotel's shock I told the make a big pot of vegan pasta. 😆

Of course when I asked my niece and her bf if the meal was ok, sil piped up, "well they ate it, but we had to send the chicken (for the kids) back to be reheated. I just ignored her and resisted the urge to tell her if her child wasn't fucking about the chicken would have been warm One of the joys of getting older, is realising you can't please everyone and if they are more interested in the food than spending time enjoying spending time with you on your wedding, then they're not worth worrying about.