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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off?

169 replies

countdowntocheese · 19/08/2017 00:01

I'm prepared to be told that I need to chill the f out, but would just like to know what people think before I lose my shit when dp gets home.
I'm 39 weeks pregnant and DP has been at a wedding all day - I kindly declined the invite as I've been having a lot of twinges and cramps for the last week and as I don't know anyone at the wedding I thought it'd be better to be at home (just incase).
Anyway, I had no problem with dp going, but did ask him that he just makes sure he doesn't get pissed - just incase I did need him to make a swift exit - and also that he just makes sure his phone is charged - again, just incase I needed to get hold of him (as I say I have had quite a few pains and pangs).
Anyhoo, I was heading to bed about an hour ago and notices dp's keys in the bedroom so gave him a call to.find out what time he was planning to go home, seeing as now I'll have to wait up for him, and his phone is off!
AIBU to be pretty pissed off? I'm 39 weeks pregnant for God's sake and I know he'll have got himself pretty much steaming if his phone has died and he hadn't even bothered to get in touch. Plus now I've got to wait up to let him in which could be God knows what time!
WIBU to give him some shit when he finally stumbles in or am I just being a sensitive pregnant idiot??

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 20/08/2017 18:54

It isn't that he should have no more enjoyment in life. But if at 39 weeks he can't stay sober, supportive and available for the OP, when is she going to be able to rely on him?

kkwhelan · 20/08/2017 19:00

I know you are fuming, but I have to share this. When I was pregnant with my first child, my husband went to his office's Christmas party at a bar. As I was not due for 3 weeks, i didn't think much of it. At about 10 pm, I went into labor. This was before cell phones. I tried calling the bar, no answer. At about 3am, he rolls in. Contractions about 10mins apart. He is drunk as a skunk and I am in tears. He starts up some coffee and begins chugging it down. We head to the hospital at about 6 am and 7hours later, ds is born. Hubby heldup ok but nearly passed out a few times. Nurses commented how pale he was and gave him juice. That was kind of a sweet revenge. That was 34 years ago and we are still going strong. We laugh about it now and It is one of our fav stories. My point is...this too will pass. Should he have gone? No. If he is pissed you have a right to be mad. BUT..remember that this is a bump in the road. You've got a little one coming and YOU are ready. THAT is the important part.

IDoDaChaCha · 20/08/2017 19:02

The more comments I hear from Neutrogena in posts the more convinced I am they must be a man...

Writermom22 · 20/08/2017 19:19

I would have expected him to stay home and miss the wedding. Unless he was the best man or something.

At 39 weeks' pregnant, he should have stayed with you.

Saying that, if you feel anything like labour, call an ambulance and leave your partner a note on the door.

You were not being unreasonable in asking him to make sure he had a working/charged phone and his keys. And you would not be unreasonable in tearing a strip off him.

bengalcat · 20/08/2017 19:25

Hope the poster had fun at the conception too . Hopefully you've not ruptured your membranes or gone into labour yet . If you have just call an ambulance and likely someone will find him well in time for the birth . Bit of a bummer but hopefully he will pick up his phone soon - may well have a poor signal or yes could just be having a blindingly good time - if I'm out shopping etc I don't always pick up my phone immediately as I don't hear it although he should be paying more attention - unlikely he will miss the birth and nice of you to let him go when you felt unable to

Mumandteacher123 · 20/08/2017 19:26

Neutrogena that comment was tongue-in-cheek! However I do feel that he has to balance his fun with his impending fatherhood. Its about responsibility...

IDoDaChaCha · 20/08/2017 19:27

RTFT people...

orangesinpyjamas · 20/08/2017 19:32

I would be livid

OfficerVanHalen · 20/08/2017 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 20/08/2017 19:49

I just don't get men like this. If you love your wife, why would you do this? It's not about being 'allowed' or 'following the rules' it should be about wanting to be there, wanting to make sure she's ok, wanting to help her through the birth...

What on earth was he thinking?

...and the ex, FFS, he'd know that would be all over social media today. It was going to hurt you & it was going to look bad, so bloody stupid. I'd be checking various photos & timelines too - worrying that they'd done more than drink & talk.

DutchSparkle · 20/08/2017 20:05

What happened Countdowntocheese? Did he make it to the meal? Did he explain/grovel? 😙

Mrsgingermum · 20/08/2017 20:06

I would of dropped his phone in the puddle of piss and replace it with a cheap old style handset. As for getting that pissed, I would be fuming. Add in the photos of him and his ex well, his toothbrush would be in the puddle. Go out for the day taking all the hangover food in the house with you. Don't forget to remove all milk so he can't have any tea of coffee. Do not leave him any car keys or cash.

MissJSays · 20/08/2017 20:07

God I'd be absolutely fuming.
What happened, did he go to the meal?

JaneEyre70 · 20/08/2017 20:13

Jesus OP, you are a saint even letting him back in the house. Should you even have to tell a grown man who is about to become a father that he shouldn't drink, and have his phone charged up? The fact that he didn't even check you were OK by a text message and spent the day getting so drunk he pissed all over the floor aren't the actions of a man I'd want in my life.

mumof3boys33 · 20/08/2017 20:33

Yes what happened? I hope he was sorry and cleaned up his pee too 😂

Smudge100 · 20/08/2017 20:36

YANBU. He made an agreement with you and he's broken it and been totally irresponsible. It's his baby too. Give him hell.

lynmilne65 · 20/08/2017 21:55

Go postal !!Angry

RaqsMax · 20/08/2017 23:06

Text him that his front door key is under the flowerpot outside and that you are going to bed and not to wake you when he comes in.

And go to bed....

reiki73 · 21/08/2017 00:26

Pissing all over the bathroom floor? Absolutely fucking disgusting. Bloody revolting. Sorry, but that's just not on. Give him hell in the morning.

Abbylee · 21/08/2017 01:35

What AnniAnoni mouse said. DOUBLE.
Best to you.

Stressalot42 · 21/08/2017 06:17

OP - If you cannot get over this very small thing your going to really struggle when the baby comes and the stress levels are raised for both of you.
Let him has his fun - it's not like you'll be giving birth by yourself at home. Midwives will deliver your baby whether OH is there or not.

Let him have his fun.....he has fucking responsibilities now!! You clearly didn't read the OPs original post where she says she's 39 weeks pregnant? That means she could start labour anytime, so whilst she is giving birth he's getting pissed with ex. So no he can't have his fun as he may well be needed to emotionally support his partner.

And why is it a small thing? Getting so drunk you piss on the bathroom sounds problematic to me!!!

JanKind · 21/08/2017 07:53

You could call a landline at the reception and ask them to find him and leave a message for him to call you.

Original poster
countdowntocheese · 21/08/2017 08:14

Thanks all, and sorry for the delayed reply. I went out on Saturday morning and had some breakfast, and went to ikea for some last minute baby things.
DP called and text several times (which I ignored). When I got home he had cleaned the whole house, been to asda, bought flowers and chocolates and was very very sorry. I'm not a pushover so let him know I had felt very let down and was obviously concerned about a) the fact he'd shirked responsibilities - especially after the fact wed talked about him drinking that night, and b) about the state he was in - I was genuinely worried he'd choke on his own vomit or something.
He is feeling incredibly sheepish about it, and has actually been quite upset the last few days for allowing himself to get "carried away"! Hmm
On Saturday one of his friends that had been with him actually called him up and have him a real talking too aswell, as they said they'd never seen him like that and they were worried for him, which made him feel even worse (which I was smugly pleased about).
He's been feeling pretty crappy since then - I do think he's had a bit of a shock as he rarely drinks - and I can't see it happening again.
Thanks for all the lovely messages and advice though - for all of those who think it'd be no big deal giving birth on your own - good for you, but for me that would have been absolutely horrendous!

OP posts:
IDoDaChaCha · 21/08/2017 08:21

Ah, glad he's seen the error of his ways OP. Good luck with the birth (he'd better not mess it up..!) Flowers

C0untDucku1a · 21/08/2017 08:25

It is good that he has made up to you but just be wary that you had discussed him
Not drinking and then he did anyway. Dont let this become a pattern.

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