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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off?

169 replies

countdowntocheese · 19/08/2017 00:01

I'm prepared to be told that I need to chill the f out, but would just like to know what people think before I lose my shit when dp gets home.
I'm 39 weeks pregnant and DP has been at a wedding all day - I kindly declined the invite as I've been having a lot of twinges and cramps for the last week and as I don't know anyone at the wedding I thought it'd be better to be at home (just incase).
Anyway, I had no problem with dp going, but did ask him that he just makes sure he doesn't get pissed - just incase I did need him to make a swift exit - and also that he just makes sure his phone is charged - again, just incase I needed to get hold of him (as I say I have had quite a few pains and pangs).
Anyhoo, I was heading to bed about an hour ago and notices dp's keys in the bedroom so gave him a call to.find out what time he was planning to go home, seeing as now I'll have to wait up for him, and his phone is off!
AIBU to be pretty pissed off? I'm 39 weeks pregnant for God's sake and I know he'll have got himself pretty much steaming if his phone has died and he hadn't even bothered to get in touch. Plus now I've got to wait up to let him in which could be God knows what time!
WIBU to give him some shit when he finally stumbles in or am I just being a sensitive pregnant idiot??

OP posts:
pullingmyhairout1 · 19/08/2017 06:01

Don't let him drive later. He'll be over the limit if he's that drunk.

I was 4 hours with first and 3 with second so not always hours of agony ffs

Kannet · 19/08/2017 06:40

Personally I would kill him with kindness, but keep him very busy all day. No time to sit and nurse a hangover.

Mushroomburger17 · 19/08/2017 06:47

What a selfish arse. There's no excuse. He clearly wasn't thinking about you at all. This happened to someone I know. Got out the taxi shitfaced and fell to the floor just as his partner and friend were getting into car to take her to hospital as her waters had gone. He was pissed on the ward. Luckily for HIM the labour was slow to progress and took several days enabling him to sober up.

silkybear · 19/08/2017 06:59

This thread is astounding, him being at the birth isn't a tourist attraction for his benefit! Maybe after carrying his child for 9 months and about to go through labour for the first time op would like an adult birth partner who can support her through it. It isn't much to ask. Make him get up early to clean his piss up and drive him to the family event, no letting him get away with it. I hope he grows up soon as it sounds like you already have a child to look after Flowers

GlitterRollerSkate · 19/08/2017 07:01

Must be time to start hoovering....? What a dickhead. Bet he'll feel sheepish when he gets up! You obviously need to be taken out for some niace breakfast as an apology.

troodiedoo · 19/08/2017 07:11

It was obvious from your OP he's being a twat but you've definitely confirmed that now.

I'd wager you can look forward to him 'wetting the baby's head' as soon as you've given birth.

silkybear · 19/08/2017 07:14

For all the people saying let him have one night, how many nights on the piss has op had in the last 9 months? Hmm

Cornettoninja · 19/08/2017 07:14

Yanbu and I hope you've managed some sleep..

I would be furious (slight bit of projecting here but even so). He's meant to be your suppprt for this massive life event for both of you. I know all the guff about men not really getting it till there's a real life baby in front of them but bollocks. You're going through immense physical exertion just growing and carrying your child, asking your dh to reign it in on a night 'off' isn't an unreasonable expectation. You can't take a break or have a last blow out can you? That time had passed, your both in a different place now and that should be accepted.

Bollocks to smiling serenely and buttoning your lip whilst he carries on his merry way.

I would have no problem with making it clear he's unreliable and not-so-quietly ringing round for back up labour partners.

Gorgosparta · 19/08/2017 07:14

Tbh i would imaginebge didnt have signal.

But coming in, in that state would fuck me off.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/08/2017 07:29

The forgetting keys it happens and I would have sent a text saying keys are under bin etc

But

The last reply would have pissed me off big time

So he's staggered home pissed as a fart stinking of fags and pissed on the bathroom floor and passed out?

This is not the behaviour of a man who could become a dad today /tomorrow etc

He has let you down big time. If he can't stay Soberish around your sue date he is selfish

Think you need to wait for him to wake. And have a long chat !!!

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 19/08/2017 07:30

Gorgo - op rang a friend who's also there and their phone rang so I don't think the signal was an issue.

Op Im so sorry. Hope you managed to get some rest Flowers

He behaved irresponsibly. And selfishly. And yes read him the riot

Is he always like this? I'm hoping maybe it might be a final 'hurrah' to being childless? (Obviously too late but do you know what I mean?) I've had friends go wild before the birth of a child to almost get it out of their system. Do you think that's the case?

But totally doesn't excuse it. It's shitty putting you in that position at 39 bloody weeks. hope you have a relaxing weekend

Mamahanji · 19/08/2017 07:31

First child, third child. YANBU

My first actual labour (although second child but it counted as first) was 2 weeks of mild contractions and then my waters broke at 11:15 and she was there by 5am. And the hospital was 50 minutes drive away!

MrsJamin · 19/08/2017 07:42

What a dick. He needs to know that you need him to stay sober from now on. Both of my labours were less than 3 hours. I've heard of fathers missing births and yes it is a big deal, wtf were some posters thinking saying that OP should just chill out?!

Gorgosparta · 19/08/2017 07:50

Gorgo - op rang a friend who's also there and their phone rang so I don't think the signal was an issue.

That doesnt mean anything. My work friend has an older phone on the same network. In one of our offices she gets a signal, i dont.

Thats not the point though. Not being able to get in touch for few hours wouldnt have bothered me. Coming home and pissing on the floor fucking would do.

Feelingiabu · 19/08/2017 07:52

I would be livid if I was you, I would have been very hesitant to agree to a full day.

That being said as an outsider looking in maybe it's the final blow out, first baby nerves etc, I know it's not fair but getting stressed out isn't doing you or your baby any favours.

Take it for what it is, he went to a wedding, had a few too many and made an a*se or himself when he got in, but no harm sunless you've gone into labour since your last post and providing he's sorry/suitably embarrassed I think you should let it go.

No more alcohol or leaving you for that length of time though.

ScissorBow · 19/08/2017 07:52

YANBU. He'll probably spin it as his last chance to blow out before DC is here. Sod that. That should have been no later than 37 weeks. You are not his mother so don't go 'telling him off' about what he's done wrong because he'll get on the defensive. Explain that you are terrified of giving birth on your own. You'd always imagined you'd share that moment with him. You need him when your in labour and he'd be no use in the state he was in last night.

Feelingiabu · 19/08/2017 07:53

*no harm done unless

Original poster
countdowntocheese · 19/08/2017 07:57

Thanks everyone, I didn't sleep that well at all and DP has taken himself into the spare room. I won't go off the handle as I felt like last night, but like scissor said I'll just explain how let down I felt. We are due to be going for a meal with family and friends this afternoon so we'll see whether he makes it. If it doesn't, then that's another story all together!

OP posts:
melisma · 19/08/2017 07:59

YADNBU OK, I would be absolutely livid in your situation. Well done for sounding so calm this morning! Hope the rest of the day goes ok for you.

Original poster
countdowntocheese · 19/08/2017 08:09

Right so I've just seen through social media (Oh the joys of social media), that he was sat next to his ex throughout the whole meal and do - quite a few pictures of then together. I don't have any suspicions that anything "went on", but the red mist is descending over me again. He left his 9 month pregnant gf at home, let his battery died and get absolutely wankered with ex gf... Am I okay to go and pour water all over him this instance???

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 19/08/2017 08:09

I'd have a bit of last minute "nesting"

Radio on LOUD and thorough hoovering right beside his head.
I'd leave the pissy bathroom for him to clear up though

Original poster
countdowntocheese · 19/08/2017 08:09

Ugh, sorry for those typos - I've definitely not had enough sleep.

OP posts:
zzzzz · 19/08/2017 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bloodymaria · 19/08/2017 08:17

Am I okay to go and pour water all over him this instance???

Abso-fucking-lutely!

Nomorechickens · 19/08/2017 08:18

Warm water on the front of his trousers while he is asleep

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