Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off?

169 replies

countdowntocheese · 19/08/2017 00:01

I'm prepared to be told that I need to chill the f out, but would just like to know what people think before I lose my shit when dp gets home.
I'm 39 weeks pregnant and DP has been at a wedding all day - I kindly declined the invite as I've been having a lot of twinges and cramps for the last week and as I don't know anyone at the wedding I thought it'd be better to be at home (just incase).
Anyway, I had no problem with dp going, but did ask him that he just makes sure he doesn't get pissed - just incase I did need him to make a swift exit - and also that he just makes sure his phone is charged - again, just incase I needed to get hold of him (as I say I have had quite a few pains and pangs).
Anyhoo, I was heading to bed about an hour ago and notices dp's keys in the bedroom so gave him a call to.find out what time he was planning to go home, seeing as now I'll have to wait up for him, and his phone is off!
AIBU to be pretty pissed off? I'm 39 weeks pregnant for God's sake and I know he'll have got himself pretty much steaming if his phone has died and he hadn't even bothered to get in touch. Plus now I've got to wait up to let him in which could be God knows what time!
WIBU to give him some shit when he finally stumbles in or am I just being a sensitive pregnant idiot??

OP posts:
gunsandbanjos · 19/08/2017 08:19

Wow, definitely not being unreasonable! I would expect the father of my child to be fully sober and ready to support me in one of the most difficult things a woman has to do.

It's fuck all to do with him 'missing' the birth, he needs to be able to meet your needs while you push an actual human out your vagina. I very much doubt someone who is so drunk they piss on the floor will be able to support you in the way you deserve.

girlsyearapart · 19/08/2017 08:23

I was ten days before my due date with dc4 when DH wanted to go out for his birthday to his other friends big birthday party
. I said yeah that's fine but only two drinks so you can drive. Or let's go for dinner or do something compromise between the two.

I know the friends he was going out with and he would have rolled in steaming in the early hours.

Previous two babies both born 10 days early so I wasn't overreacting.

He had a tantrum and went to bed saying i was being silly and if it happened fil could drive me to hospital.

I went into labour that night and on the drive to hospital couldn't even sit down which wouldn't have been fun with fil!

Ds born as soon as I managed to walk down the corridor.

Now ds birthday is the day after DHs so he can't lie in bed with a hangover for at least 10 years Grin

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 19/08/2017 08:25

Oh OP, what a thoughtless tool. I'd be furious too. That being said, what's your relationship like normally? Is he normally quite supportive/mature? I only ask because that would sway my reaction to him being a twat last night.
The ex thing would give me the rage though. Irrational or not.

Original poster
countdowntocheese · 19/08/2017 08:28

Everything - yes, generally he's incredibly supportive and involved, which is why when I couldn't get through last night I was a bit concerned and pissed off. If he was like that all the time I would have expected it, but it is out of character for him (I don't know whether that makes the situation better or worse?). He rarely drinks because he can't handle his booze but we'd had a big chat about it and he assured me he'd take it easy. That's why I'm so pissed off. And yes the ex thing has really got to me!

OP posts:
outofmydepth45 · 19/08/2017 08:28

The go out and have a fab day is the best idea but water and fucking get out and recover elsewhere would be very very tempting !

gunsandbanjos · 19/08/2017 08:32

Of course the ex thing has got to you! If it hadn't I'd be very surprised.

You're full of hormones, knackered and probably not feeling at your most attractive(apologies maybe you're glowing and ethereal in pregnancy but I was a whale at 39 weeks!)

It will niggle at your insecurities no matter how good your relationship is and that's the last thing you need to be dealing with right now.

SpringTown46 · 19/08/2017 08:40

Please don't be tempted to cover up for him. He has behaved appallingly. He's either going to be fully apologetic (hooray) or, make excuses (feeble). Either way, he should be ashamed and this needs to be his wake up call - and don't let him try to put himself beyond wider criticism either - be honest with your family. Remember this was his choice and failure, not yours; he needs to own it and step up to the mark from now on.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 19/08/2017 08:41

To be honest, I'd probably do my very best to let it go, within reason. I'd be cutting him no slack for his sore head and I'd make it clear he had making up to do but, given that he will be apologetic and clear up his own mess not try to play down why you're upset, I'd chalk it up as just a fucking stupid mistake. Weddings are notoriously bad for people drinking too much, it's easy to just get caught up, as feeble as that is.
Basically I'd be willing to accept his grovelling, complete apology,, as long as he was genuine and actually understood why you were/are angry.

Siwdmae · 19/08/2017 08:41

If he misses it he misses it. What's the point of OP getting worked up about it?

Seriously?

Jedimum1 · 19/08/2017 08:44

I'm sensing he's treated this wedding as his "let's say goodbye to being childless with a great bang'... Totally immature. I'd be fuming for everything: letting his phone die would upset me the most, as if you had complications over night he would not have known at all and in the state he came, he might not have even realised if you weren't in bed. Drinking like that was very irresponsible, if he arrived and you were starting labour, he might have missed the birth, since you say he pretty much passed out and not only he couldn't have drives but I doubt he could have kept himself awake to support you throughout. That he spent the night with his ex would also piss me off, as when he wakes up he might transform this into my nagging pregnant wife who is jealous about the fun I had last night with ex (depending on how mature he is and whether he realises he did wrong).

I'd get ready, go out, meet your family for the afternoon, do not wake him up and see whether he sobers himself up and attempts to apologize. I personally would tell the family about his behaviour too. He needs to be seriously told by more people how selfish and inconsiderate he was. Midwives tell you to get ready your hospital bag before entering in week 38, that should be the week where he stops going to parties and drinking, in my opinion, and if he plans to be part of the birth.

My DH reduced his drinking to one occasional pint at lunch or tea because we could always get a taxi together and wouldn't affect his ability to help me, but he didn't go out anywhere at night, took his phone to all meetings, made sure he had battery and even bought me a new phone just in case because my old one was eating the battery too quickly and I often ran out. With DC1 I went into labour at 11pm and didn't give birth until 7am, it was a very long day as neither of us had slept and we had been awake for 24h. You need to aim to be rested and sleep whenever you can because you never know when it might happen.

Jedimum1 · 19/08/2017 08:48

If he also assured you that he would control his drinking, that's a breach of trust, how can you believe anything he says in the future? He needs to understand that.

GinIsIn · 19/08/2017 08:52

Get up, get dressed, go out. Don't answer the phone to him. Have a lovely day!

SendintheArdwolves · 19/08/2017 09:04

DH would be woken in the morning with a saucepan and wooden spoon drum. Also leave a note for him to leave you to lie in, and clear his mess up

Having woken your DH up by banging a saucepan with a wooden spoon (??) what would be the point of the note telling him to let you have a lie in? Surely you'd already be up.

OP, your DH is being a dick. Only you know whether this is a one-off and he is usually thoughtful and supportive but got drunker than he intended to (which can happen to the best of us) or if this is part of a wider pattern of behaviour.

I don't want to hang the man without trial, but I'm a bit worried that he left it this late to give up smoking. It seems like a grudging of-course-I'll-give-up-when-the-baby-comes, rather than a genuine desire to give up for his own and his child's health.

maddening · 19/08/2017 09:06

Omg the ex thing would have finished me off!

Kannet · 19/08/2017 09:29

Do not give him the option to miss the planned meal. He will have to struggle through.

Partypolitics99 · 19/08/2017 09:29

Swine. I would not be letting this go easily. I hope he is full of remorse this morning OP. I would be squeezing a wet sponge over him

NanooCov · 19/08/2017 09:50

I'd go out. Don't leave a note. Don't answer your phone. He's an inconsiderate twat.

NanooCov · 19/08/2017 09:50

Oh and I would dump his favourite belongings in the puddle of piss.

gingertigercat · 19/08/2017 10:47

I would be so tempted to fuck with him by creeping out without him noticing and make him think he'd missed the birth when he was passed out pissed.

I think that would quickly get through to him how selfish he was and the possible consequences.

But that's a bit overdramatic. And nasty. So probably don't do that.

I would be raging mind, that's atrocious behaviour on his part and so selfish. I'd go out for the day and have words later. Hope you're doing ok.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/08/2017 11:21

Well of COURSE the ex thing has got to you! It would to anyone, I would think!

Make him go to the dinner, regardless of how he feels. And let him explain himself.

ChasedByBees · 19/08/2017 11:22

Wow, that was really awful behaviour. Pretty disgusting to piss all over the floor too.

2littlemoos · 19/08/2017 11:33

What a tool! I hope your day improves OP and he does everything he can and should to better this situation Brew

timeisnotaline · 19/08/2017 12:43

I too would probably go out and not answer my phone all day. I'd be royally pissed off.

VimFuego101 · 19/08/2017 13:25

This is truly shitty behavior. What an arse.

Do you have anyone else who could be a backup partner for you in labour if needed? It might be worth lining them up just so you don't have the worry of potentially being in hospital alone.

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/08/2017 14:18

I think how he behaves when woke up counts for a lot

Grovelling
Telling you about ex before you ask
Cleaning up without being asked