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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what's your biggest regret in life?

413 replies

EagledWingsofRefuge · 16/08/2017 16:09

That and have you regretted more things you didn't do or did do?

I have a difficult decision to make and I'm wondering if I make the wrong choice if it'll turn out to be my biggest regret in life. It just made me wonder, what's everyone else's regrets? And are they over things you regret doing or regret not doing?

OP posts:
laurzj82 · 16/08/2017 17:30

Stroke Flowers

Getting fat or rather not doing something about it when I only had a st to lose instead of 10! Blush

Wasting my early 20s with a controlling, emotionally abusive twat instead of going out and having fun with my friends.

Not doing a degree. Although I am rectifying that one; start in Oct. Cannot wait! Smile

peachgreen · 16/08/2017 17:30

Hmm. It's hard to say. I regret spending a decade with someone who was very bad for, and to, me the majority of the time. But if I hadn't done that, would I have met DH?

I regret not meeting DH younger and having children a bit earlier. But if I had met him younger, would we both have been different and not fallen in love?

I regret developing an eating disorder as a young teen and screwing up my metabolism / relationship with food / body forever. But would I be the same person if I'd grown up slim?

I think there's too many what ifs. I'm generally pretty happy with where my life is now, so I guess I'm happy to live with those regrets.

newnamechange84 · 16/08/2017 17:34

Having children too young with my exh, actually marrying exh at 23, rebound relationship not long after my divorce with Dds dad, letting most recent ex walk over me and treat me like crap and allowing myself to put him first which has left me a) in debt and b) six months behind on my degree. All man related so all in all no men anymore for me.

Countdowntofour · 16/08/2017 17:37

I think one of my main regrets is having a boyfriend at 15 and subsequently skiving school and not doing well in a GCSE I now need. I sort of regret not just moving to be closer to family when we were financially able, and instead investing in DP's masters degree (it has not come in handy at all..). And I regret not really putting my foot down in my first labour - I knew it felt 'wrong' but no-one listened and put it down to first time mum syndrome.

BananasAreGood · 16/08/2017 17:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KitKat1985 · 16/08/2017 17:40

Being too much of a 'people pleaser' and not sometimes speaking my mind with what I truly thought or wanted to do.
Not going on a trip to the rainforest when I was at University because it was expensive.
Not seeking help for my mental heath issues when I could have benefitted from it.
And if I'm honest, sometimes I regret my decision to train as a nurse because I thought it would be 'rewarding'. I had a first class honours degree in psychology and was good at statistics and research methods and if I had carried on and done a masters in that rather than doing my nurse training I would probably be earning twice as much now, for half the stress, with no unsociable working hours.

Headfullofdreams · 16/08/2017 17:41

Not taking a year out after Uni to travel the world.

ChilliMary · 16/08/2017 17:45

Not having enough confidence, believing I was always incapable and inferior to others.

ButterflyOfFreedom · 16/08/2017 17:45

I regret more things I haven't done than have though these are quite low key/ small scale such as not going to a particular sporting event or gig. I do regret the way my career path has worked out but I'm working on rectifying that now and the decisions I made were right at the time.

I do regret being an absolute b*tch to my now DH when we first started seeing each other. I had a few things going on but that's no excuse for how I behaved. I have apologised many time and know he has forgiven me but I'm still not proud of what I said / did.
I regret the way I let the end of a friendship cut me up so badly. I lost sleep & weight, and it impacted both my mental & physical health when actually the outcome was what I wanted. I got out of an imbalanced relationship and now (many years on) feel so much better for it.
I'm also (currently/ daily) regretting my battle with OCD as I let it win far too often which impacts not only me but my DH & DC.

Nicpem1982 · 16/08/2017 17:46

Not stopping contact with my parents sooner they were toxic and I couldn't see it

moofaced · 16/08/2017 17:48

That I didn't have more time, I was widowed at 23. All the things that I thought mattered then didn't.

Friendlylightupbear · 16/08/2017 17:48

Doing an MSc and PhD. I knew it wasn't right for me, but was flattered by lecturers/colleagues/friends/family telling me I should do it. I got through it but it has limited my career options massively, I am now overqualified for many things, with no relevant or recent experience, as am a SAHP now. Having said that, it's difficult to regret it too much, because I had some fantastic friends while studying who got me through and we had such a laugh.

I wish I'd done something vocational. I'm now at home with my DD and considering my options, but won't have opportunity to retrain for a few years, as she is disabled and needs me massively at the moment.

morningconstitutional2017 · 16/08/2017 17:49

I regret sticking with office work when I would have loved to have done something creative or alternatively working in a small bookshop in my home town. The opportunity for the latter came up after I'd accepted a job which didn't work out. The school didn't mention the bookshop as they thought I was 'settled'. Well, it's not tragic, but still.

SelfObsessionHoney · 16/08/2017 17:49

I regret letting him get away. We should have taken the chance to be more than just friends. He is the absolute love of my life. But now I have DS and I know he can't bring himself to take us both on.

PollyPelargonium52 · 16/08/2017 17:53

I regret getting married 3 times. Wish I had done plenty of travelling instead. Then I could have met my 4th partner and had ds once I had got it all out of my system.

maudeismyfavouritepony · 16/08/2017 17:57

Not pursuing competitive running when I was younger. Though to be honest, my school would never have supported me (they only suppoted academic pursuits) and my parents didn't really get it either. I was a very fast runner and just needed somebody to notice and steer me in the right direction!

MsJuniper · 16/08/2017 17:57

Not starting a family sooner - if only I'd known.

Giving up the piano as a child.

Regaining the weight I'd lost +++

Not going to see Madonna - I had tickets but we were on holiday when the concert was on, however I've since realised we were only an hour or so away and could totally have come back...

SecretFreebirther · 16/08/2017 18:01

Mine is very specific as mostly I've been very happy with my life but I will regret forever not acting on my suspicion dc4 was not breastfeeding well after he was born. I was so desperate for it to be fine. By the time it was picked up it was too late and despite pumping to get my supply back he refused to ever latch again. The pnd that followed has been life changing very much for the worse. If only I could go back and change those 10 days Sad

Vonklump · 16/08/2017 18:03

I've been mulling over things reading this thread. Although I'm rather meh with my life at present, I've realized I have only have one major regret, and it's self indulgent of me as the other person involved would think I was nuts if they knew.
Much of what I thought were regrets are part of who I am and the way I make decisions.

OP, I use the will I look back on my deathbed and regret doing/not doing this?
It usually helps me frame my perspective.

simon50 · 16/08/2017 18:08

Friendly.. please help me out here (this is not a pop at you or a piss take) but I have never understood this term 'overqualified', I'm dim never got further than C&Gs (but it was distinctions) If you think your overqualified why don't you just loose them years, say you were travelling or something ?

Timeywimey8 · 16/08/2017 18:08

One of my GCSE choices (quite a minor thing I know!)

Wish I'd chosen a different wedding dress (also quite minor!)

There are probably bigger things but I think I am good at rationalising decisions and realising that although they were wrong, they may have led to better things, so may not have actually been wrong in the end.

Ginlovinglady · 16/08/2017 18:18

Staying with someone for 5 years too long when I knew I needed to get out. Which has probably meant I've lost the chance of a family.
Basically staying static when it's not good for me. Trying to relearn how to behave in that respect

tigercub50 · 16/08/2017 18:23

You're not supposed to regret anything but I guess most folks have something. I regret listening to my parents quite so much as they had a tendency to be overprotective & I missed out on some things ( this was when I was old enough to make my own decisions). I remember going for a job interview, getting on famously with the family ( it was for a mothers help position) & being offered the post only to turn it down after talking to my Mum because she thought it was too far to drive every day. They had a lovely home & I think it would really have suited me. I also wish I had tried harder to persuade my parents to let me go on a school skiing trip. I am now 51 & still have never been. I regret not continuing to grade 8 piano but never for a second regret that I learnt to play. I regret not going to a Duran Duran concert in the 80s - £4 a ticket if you please! I regret how long I put up with crap behaviour from DH. But I don't regret not being able to conceive, even though it was bloody hard to deal with, because if we'd had kids naturally we would never have adopted DD8 who is amazing & the centre of our world 🙂

Birdsgottafly · 16/08/2017 18:26

Being put off a Degree in History and Politics, because "I was too attractive to be taken seriously" and "Women who do History only have the option of becoming a History Teacher", it was mid 80's. Those statements and ones similar were said by Tutors and a Careers Advisor.

Adrianflank · 16/08/2017 18:26

I regret coming back to the UK from Canada when I had my opportunity, but I was young and stupid with money