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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what's your biggest regret in life?

413 replies

EagledWingsofRefuge · 16/08/2017 16:09

That and have you regretted more things you didn't do or did do?

I have a difficult decision to make and I'm wondering if I make the wrong choice if it'll turn out to be my biggest regret in life. It just made me wonder, what's everyone else's regrets? And are they over things you regret doing or regret not doing?

OP posts:
Nettletheelf · 16/08/2017 20:32

I try not to think about regrets much because I've been really lucky so far, but here are mine:

  1. Not 'playing the game' more in work. It really galls me to see people in my profession who aren't anywhere near as clever or accomplished as me, doing more senior roles because they arselicked more effectively. It really works, disappointingly. I kind of wish that I'd swallowed my pride and scepticism ("surely nobody is taken in by this bollocks?") more.
  1. Not living and working in London when I had the chance. I found the place terrifying when I was in my 20s and couldn't relax until the train doors closed to carry me back to the north. What an idiot.
  1. Not trying for a baby sooner. I didn't get married until I was almost 38, and I wanted to have some time just being married to DH before we decided whether to try (and he took some persuading). I only managed to conceive once, aged 42, after two years of trying, and I lost the poor little thing. I just left it too late. I don't spend every day crying about not having children, but it is something I think about. I've tried to find the positives instead: more money to spend having fun, more opportunities for spontaneous fun.

I have no academic, health or relationship regrets, so I feel very lucky.

HelloSquirrels · 16/08/2017 20:33

Not standing my ground to dps ex from the start off.

stevie69 · 16/08/2017 20:34

He is Blush

putdownyourphone · 16/08/2017 20:35

Being induced. Wish I'd just waited. My only regret.

MsGameandWatching · 16/08/2017 20:36

Giving up on my degree. Single parent, two disabled children, not enough hours in the day or headspace even if there was. I worry for the future and a degree would have alleviated that and made me more employable. I don't even know how to turn it around.

FreyaJade · 16/08/2017 20:39

Simon50 not all of us can do things about the present like I can't magically have a healthy baby.

IneedaMagnum · 16/08/2017 20:45

Erm simon50 me a glass half empty person? Have you even read both my posts? I am the most positive person you could meet... I turned my life around, which I hadn't been able to do if I was a bed wetter as you so nicely put. I only came up with the smoking sort of regret after thinking hard. Less of the judgement please. The OP asked what regrets people have. People responded listing regrets. You don't need to read and insult, you have the choice to move on to a different post. Besides, you posted on here with your own regrets before turning around to tell people they are being negative. Pot kettle?

3luckystars · 16/08/2017 20:46

What is your decision?

I had to make a really big one recently and was so stressed, worried that I'd regret it if I didn't grab the opportunity.

I did everything to help me make the decision, wrote a pros and cons list, read every website I could find about decision making, especially about tossing a coin (apparently your gut reaction to the coin toss is the right choice) talked about it, dreamt about it, but in the end, I decided to go just for it.

But I was even more stressed then!

So I decided to try the coin toss, and it said 'don't do it' and I thought instantly 'thank goodness!'

That was it.

So I turned it down and felt the most enormous relief and still do. No regrets.

If I ever think about it in the future, I will say I went with my gut instincts and I can't ever regret that.

HazelBite · 16/08/2017 20:52

I'm 65 and I'm fortunate and on the whole have had a good life, I have many regrets about things the only ones that really bother me still are ones where my actions have affected my children. Nothing too dreadful but I especially regret not having the strength to fight the local authority just a bit more over the education of my two youngest.

Regrets are full of negativity and sometimes not good to dwell on them, whats done is done you can only learn from experience.

IneedaMagnum · 16/08/2017 20:52

And simon50 no one came on here for advice, or to be told rather sternly to sort themselves out. You have NO idea about people's circumstances, NO idea how positive or negative people are. The posts on this thread were in answer to the OP, you have NO right to assume people are consumed by these regrets they posted, and to mansplain them as to what they are doing wrong. Butt out. Btw, the category you excluded from not being allowed to have regrets: abusive relationships. I had a very abusive parent, so is it ok, in your good opinion, for me to have the tiniest regret about having smoked, a regret which I barely think about, or am I still a ahum bed wetter. Get over yourself please.

adviceadviceasvice · 16/08/2017 20:56

I regret having children. It has really affected my mental health and i suffered terribly with pnd. Obviously i love then to bits but when i look back, i'm really not cut to be a mum Sad

LesserofTwoWeevils · 16/08/2017 20:59

Where to start?

Doing the wrong subject at university—one that didn't lead to a profession per se— and now having to worry about how I'll survive old age if I can't work (I don't live in a country with benefits, a livable state pension, etc).

Not realising a decade earlier that the job I ended up in was never going to pay a decent amount and I should train in something else.

Spending too long in two EA relationships because I didn't think I could manage on my own (though I couldn't, and can't).

Not trying harder sooner to get help for my anxiety disorder, which has blighted my whole life...the longer you've had it, the smaller the chances of treatment having much effect.

Living in the wrong country. I've been here 30 years and doubt I could get a job if I went elsewhere now.

amermaideindesguise · 16/08/2017 21:02

.

frenchfancy · 16/08/2017 21:02

I regret not realising how ill BIL was before he committed suicide.

That we didn't spend more time with my Dad and my FIL whilst we had the chance.

I now try to live in the present and spend as much time as possible with those I love.

HateIsNotGood · 16/08/2017 21:06

hazel gives good advice. There are many things we can regret, to dwell on them is detrimental to living the life we have and our future lives and the lives of those around us. It's ok to save a couple of regrets
to dwell on forever as 'what ifs'. None of us our perfect, we are human after all.

MoreProseccoNow · 16/08/2017 21:08
  1. My choices of men. I have chosen poorly, due to naïvety & a lack of assertiveness/boundaries.
  2. Moving away from my hometown to move in with STBX-DP.
  3. Putting on weight on maternity leave (have never got back to pre-pregnant weight).
simon50 · 16/08/2017 21:10

IneedaMagum.. I had a shit childhood my mum had OCD so don't talk to me about shit childhoods, my dad spent his whole telling me how rubbish and a disapointment I was. I spent most of my years trying to prove myself to him, in my 30s I bought a very nice car and when he saw it all he had to say was 'that's far too good for you!' That's what drove me to fuck up my life renovating houses till the time I got divorced in 2005 I had a house worth £600k and drove a top of the range 4.2 XK Jaguar. I now have a small place and drive a focus and have never been more happy, I was never trying to beat anyone up, all I'm saying I got off that treadmill and never felt better.

simon50 · 16/08/2017 21:16

This reply has been deleted

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mizu · 16/08/2017 21:18

Really try not to have any regrets.

Travelled a lot in my 20s and have lived abroad in various continents but have never bought a house. Got deposit now but have been priced out of where we live.

Always try to look on the bright side of everything but I've rented now for 25 years and would love to buy.

Catra · 16/08/2017 21:19

Where do I even begin?

I regret not pushing myself harder career-wise despite being highly qualified because of my fear of rejection and suffering from anxiety.

I regret spending the majority of my early 20s in a deeply destructive relationship with a violent man and then wasting even more years with a man who it transpired preferred other men to me but who drew me into living a lie.

I regret being a feckless spender and getting into a shit ton of debt which still impacts on my life years after I have tightened my belt.

I regret leaving it so late to try for a family with my husband. I finally got pregnant when at 15 weeks we were told our precious boy had a severe chromosomal abnormality. He is now laid to rest and my life is in limbo.

Greyhorses · 16/08/2017 21:21

I regret buying my house as we can't sell it and are stuck here. It was the only thing we could afford at the time.

I also regret getting into loads of debt!

FreyaJade · 16/08/2017 21:22

Putting on too much weight is s regret as it's much harder to get it off than to put it on!!

I've lost 3 stone now, got a stone to go.

IneedaMagnum · 16/08/2017 21:24

simon50 you have missed the point completely. And calling me a c*nt is rather uncalled for, especially given that you came on here to attack people, and, after I called you up on it, grasped the opportunity with both hands to then release a barrage of abuse on me. You are quite something.

sourpatchkid · 16/08/2017 21:26

Too far Simon, uncalled for.

IneedaMagnum · 16/08/2017 21:26

Oh and simon50 I had an abusive parent too. It's not a competition. But I guess I have learned from her what not to do and how not to treat people. You on the other hand have some learning to go. I wish you good luck on that journey, you evidently need it.